whatevs
Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
- Jan 15, 2022
- 2,914
Today my mother came with her friend, they went for a walk. My father went for a walk earlier with his friend, asked me if I want to tag along. My brother left the house hours ago, with his friend, to join his friends to do whatever youngster summer thing. This is really starting to get to me.
I used to have friends 9 years ago, before my chronic illnesses took them from me. Seeing all my family members having people that want to hang around with them makes me feel like there's something horribly wrong with me. And I know there is, no matter what ills there are in society and will mean a violent downfall, there's something wrong with me. If it was that my cousin abused me or that I was officially rejected by my first group of friends, something didn't develop right. And now I'm also too exhausted to have a life.
But I can't be another person. I'm commited to this narrative branch and I have to ride it out. What a fucking barren period for this character, like who wrote this shit?! This summer I will try the last medical treatment for my unrefreshing sleep and if it fails I will have to end this story. It had its high moments but it isn't doing it for me anymore.
I used to have friends 9 years ago, before my chronic illnesses took them from me. Seeing all my family members having people that want to hang around with them makes me feel like there's something horribly wrong with me. And I know there is, no matter what ills there are in society and will mean a violent downfall, there's something wrong with me. If it was that my cousin abused me or that I was officially rejected by my first group of friends, something didn't develop right. And now I'm also too exhausted to have a life.
But I can't be another person. I'm commited to this narrative branch and I have to ride it out. What a fucking barren period for this character, like who wrote this shit?! This summer I will try the last medical treatment for my unrefreshing sleep and if it fails I will have to end this story. It had its high moments but it isn't doing it for me anymore.
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