I understand your situation here and i get that society and life has treated you horribly, but without being rude or anything i genuinely dont think posting your SH pics online will help you especially with this being in the offtopic section and it may be triggering for others and maybe even yourself if you hopefully get better in the future. Im not suicidal but i have very bad depression and i can see how this could be a way of showing others how much you have suffered, but i do suggest getting help and talking to people about your current situation. Please dont listen to others who condone this behavior because they may or may not be going through the same struggles as you right now and may not have the help they need either.
It has helped me greatly. It is cathartic. The offtopic section has plenty of people who also shared their self harm images, people who discuss many triggering and sensitive topics. Venting about how life has treated them, discussions about self harm and their experiences with it, and much more. This is neither an unique feature to myself, or my actions on these forums. I disapprove the notion that even here I must be silent even on a forum dedicated to people like me. That for once, possibly, I don't have to go through it alone. That other people can understand.
I made it apparent in the title of this thread, and added a spoiler for the image itself. There is extensive ways someone can avoid my images, and I attempt to be sure to try to employ them. But, for it to be allegedly satisfactory, it is better for myself to do it as long as no one sees it. Wrapped under the guise that it may be triggering for other people. The interaction with this thread was entirely optional, and was clear in its warnings. Should I also not vent about being groomed because it might be triggering for some people? Should I also not speak about being physically assaulted and emotionally abuse by both family and peers throughout my entire life, even with a plentiful amount of warnings? Should I not dare mention my self harm even when I make it clear that is what the thread is about?
This is a suicide forum, people coming here due to having attempted to go to other people, having attempted to find every other alterative and solution out there only to be given nothing, or even lambasted for their attempts. I am one of those people. When I shared with people, I was mocked, and told to kill myself.
In one breath they will say they are against suicide, that they think it is such a heinous thing to push someone to. Then in another they would support, or even directly cause the suicide by another through consistent torment lasting years upon years on end. I watched these same people speak those words, and then bully someone relentlessly until they killed themselves. On the day they died, they never had so many 'friends' and 'support'. Those people pushed them to their deaths, and then claimed to be their best friend in life. Sadistic and calculated, they are well aware of what they did. They are proud of their actions, and they are euphoric in being able to socially profit from their behavior. That is how majority of people operate.
When people in my life found out I was suicidal, having found my self harm pictures through hacked accounts, my most private documents extensive about my suicidal thoughts, I was ridiculed. Not a single 'friend' of mine had let me known my accounts had been broken into. Instead reading through my messages, going through my pictures, my artwork and my pain. They invaded my privacy for who knows how long. And then gaslit, and bullied me. Worst off, calling me a whore, a thot, and a slut as they found out I was groomed when I was thirteen. This was after a lifetime of bullying, and harassment. For being special needs, for not being beautiful, for having intellectual disabilities, for having different interest, or simply because a group of people needed someone to beat on.
Once again having been betrayed, made aware that again I had been tricked into a false of security, I finally grasped the lesson this suffering was met to teach me; I will never be wanted. That my place in this world was not to be a peer, an acquittance, or a friend to anyone. Not to experience gratification of social connection. It was to be the victim. To be the one everyone talks negatively about. The one who is sabotaged, singled out, and humiliated. I knew my death would make them happy. I knew my suicide would be something they would celebrate, make them feel powerful, even. But, after a lifetime of fighting, searching for help, building up defenses, they were all no use. The haunting reality that no matter what I did I would always be victimized in one way or another. That night I attempted to take my own life. It never has gotten better, and never will. After surviving I made my account here so I can find a better way to CTB.
This is the only place I feel a meager lull in the perpetual hostility expressed by people within my life. 'Help' every time I looked for it was malicious people justified by an unyielding desire to build the pillars of their ego by destroying another. Let me just have some miniscule level of comfort in knowing that this time I chose to hurt myself this time instead of others doing it, that I chose to post these pictures instead of someone forcibly taking them and uploading them. That I have control over this one aspect, and this one aspect alone.
