Venting Another reason why

[peaches]

Hello everyone,
I am curious if there is anyone who can relate to this in me.
I have always felt completely alone with the depth of my daily emotional pain.
In addition to needing an absence of such pain, I feel unheard, invisible, never believed whenever I have tried to express this pain.
I have been suicidal forever. Every day that I stay here, is another day of this intense emotional isolation. I have always thought that the only way I will be heard and believed is to ctb. THEN, 'they' will finally 'get' me.
I know I won't be around to know this and that most people will never 'get' me for any reason.
Others can only travel with me as far as they have travelled in themselves. And most people do not live with this level of pain.
I am very appreciative of this site and those of you expressing yourselves.

 

[makethepainstop]

Hello everyone,
I am curious if there is anyone who can relate to this in me.
I have always felt completely alone with the depth of my daily emotional pain.
In addition to needing an absence of such pain, I feel unheard, invisible, never believed whenever I have tried to express this pain.
I have been suicidal forever. Every day that I stay here, is another day of this intense emotional isolation. I have always thought that the only way I will be heard and believed is to ctb. THEN, 'they' will finally 'get' me.
I know I won't be around to know this and that most people will never 'get' me for any reason.
Others can only travel with me as far as they have travelled in themselves. And most people do not live with this level of pain.
I am very appreciative of this site and those of you expressing yourselves.

Yes, but we feel alone as most of us self-isolate, so we don't feel uncomfortable around others. Then again there is the fear of rejection that keeps some of us alone. Even if you have a neighborhood bar to go to, go long enough and people will start interacting with you, and the next thing you know you will have friends. But as I always caution on the subject of ctb, like the X-Files, "Trust no one".

 

[Maudlin]

Hello everyone,
I am curious if there is anyone who can relate to this in me.
I have always felt completely alone with the depth of my daily emotional pain.
In addition to needing an absence of such pain, I feel unheard, invisible, never believed whenever I have tried to express this pain.
I have been suicidal forever. Every day that I stay here, is another day of this intense emotional isolation. I have always thought that the only way I will be heard and believed is to ctb. THEN, 'they' will finally 'get' me.
I know I won't be around to know this and that most people will never 'get' me for any reason.
Others can only travel with me as far as they have travelled in themselves. And most people do not live with this level of pain.
I am very appreciative of this site and those of you expressing yourselves.

I can't really relate to your depth of emotional pain, not only are such things always subjective, but there have been many times in my life I absolutely loved being alive.

Those times are long gone, for me. Replaced by wrenching physical pain and the mental and emotional turmoil that goes with it. I can see neither alleviation of this pain nor any purpose to continue to bear it on my horizon.

That being said, I took solace in the realization that I was utterly alone from the time the cord was cut, after my birth. I understand I will be the only one to bear the pain of my end when the time comes. I came to realize this young, in my early teens. No matter what language or art I were to use, no one would ever truly "get me".

Lonely? Sure, if you say so. Regardless, that's just the way it is. Might as well come to terms with it.

I learned to enjoy it. I'll always have the private, secret special "me"... that even the latest freakish nanotechnology can never hope to know.

I like it that way.

Perhaps that idea could bring you some comfort. I hope so.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think a lot of people here will relate to the desperation in your post. It IS desperately lonely to feel like this because no one else CAN really understand. Honestly, it's 'lucky' to find someone who will sympathise for any length of time.

I hate to say it but trying to communicate to others about just how awful you feel repetitively is likely (in my experience) to be like the story 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf.' Like my Dad once said to me- 'People will be sympathetic for a while but then, they'll get fed up with hearing it.' It's hurtful to hear (especially from your father) but I expect he was only trying to protect me and teach me the rather sad and unfeeling way of the world.

Most people are so wrapped up in themselves, or perhaps simply struggling so much themselves that I'm not convinced they even have the emotional 'space' to connect with others and their pain- on such an intense level anyhow.

I'm sorry you are suffering. I'm sorry that everyone here is suffering. I expect we're all suffering on different levels- or to different intensities. Thing is, we'll never really know. All we can do I suppose is to be as kind and supportive as we can to one another here. I guess we do at least have the 'advantage' (or rather- disadvantage) to sort of know how it feels to be so low.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've also been suicidal for pretty much as long as I can remember, even when I was very young I found the thought of death to be comforting.
But I always see it as being for the best to not open up about how we feel. It could potentially lead to invalidation and just make things worse for us. Others cannot fully understand as they are unable to see life from our point of view.
As humans we all have different experiences of life, the reality is that we are all alone. Of course it can certainly be dreadful being trapped in a life that is just endless suffering. If others could view life the same way that you do then they wouldn't be so dismissive.

 

[eldiablo666]

The harsh truth is nobody cares if you are dead or alive. I mean sure, you can find someone who really genuinely does but it's like 1 in a million chance.

 

[peaches]

I've also been suicidal for pretty much as long as I can remember, even when I was very young I found the thought of death to be comforting.
But I always see it as being for the best to not open up about how we feel. It could potentially lead to invalidation and just make things worse for us. Others cannot fully understand as they are unable to see life from our point of view.
As humans we all have different experiences of life, the reality is that we are all alone. Of course it can certainly be dreadful being trapped in a life that is just endless suffering. If others could view life the same way that you do then they wouldn't be so dismissive.

Hi,
You say this so well. Thank you.

 

[Hollowillow]

Hello everyone,
I am curious if there is anyone who can relate to this in me.
I have always felt completely alone with the depth of my daily emotional pain.
In addition to needing an absence of such pain, I feel unheard, invisible, never believed whenever I have tried to express this pain.
I have been suicidal forever. Every day that I stay here, is another day of this intense emotional isolation. I have always thought that the only way I will be heard and believed is to ctb. THEN, 'they' will finally 'get' me.
I know I won't be around to know this and that most people will never 'get' me for any reason.
Others can only travel with me as far as they have travelled in themselves. And most people do not live with this level of pain.
I am very appreciative of this site and those of you expressing yourselves.

I have physical pain.

Doctors say it's just in my head.

Psychiatrists say I lie for attention.

I can't be believed with people who refuse to.

It's not about being believed but about being cared about.

People don't care enough about themselves to do self care.

If you die they'll pretend to care to feel self righteous. But if they didn't they won't.

It's by society's design. Overwork the slaves & burn them out mentally with forms. Then they won't have the energy left to care about each other & revolt. Competing for crumbs. Crushing others over a tan level to feel superior. Blaming other slaves for their misery. Stopping each other from escaping.

If you kill yourself, do it to escape. Because people only care about the pleasure they can get from you. They'll promise you the moon and will trash you if you ask a pebble.

No one care enough to talk about the sad stuff.


I don't know how to make peace. I don't know how to get inner peace.

I break so easily now... Healing is too slow to cope now... I shriek in agony & terror. Everyone hate me. Everyone walk away.

Even in you were irreplecable... They wouldn't appreciate. They'd take you for granted & demand more.

I'm so hurt... My heart turned to ice... I think I wouldn't feel live even if given... I wouldn't believe it.

I can only relate & bond over pain. I have nothing else.

But the people rhe most desperate to talk about joy is the depressed people. They don't want real. They will fuck their brain chemistry with drugs & medicine to do it by force. Instead of respecting their own needs & limits...

And that's why yours aren't either...

I can't anymore...

Read & writing is hard... But I heard you...

I'm sorry that humanity is so shitty. I'm not better

 

[peaches]

I have physical pain.

Doctors say it's just in my head.

Psychiatrists say I lie for attention.

I can't be believed with people who refuse to.

It's not about being believed but about being cared about.

People don't care enough about themselves to do self care.

If you die they'll pretend to care to feel self righteous. But if they didn't they won't.

It's by society's design. Overwork the slaves & burn them out mentally with forms. Then they won't have the energy left to care about each other & revolt. Competing for crumbs. Crushing others over a tan level to feel superior. Blaming other slaves for their misery. Stopping each other from escaping.

If you kill yourself, do it to escape. Because people only care about the pleasure they can get from you. They'll promise you the moon and will trash you if you ask a pebble.

No one care enough to talk about the sad stuff.


I don't know how to make peace. I don't know how to get inner peace.

I break so easily now... Healing is too slow to cope now... I shriek in agony & terror. Everyone hate me. Everyone walk away.

Even in you were irreplecable... They wouldn't appreciate. They'd take you for granted & demand more.

I'm so hurt... My heart turned to ice... I think I wouldn't feel live even if given... I wouldn't believe it.

I can only relate & bond over pain. I have nothing else.

But the people rhe most desperate to talk about joy is the depressed people. They don't want real. They will fuck their brain chemistry with drugs & medicine to do it by force. Instead of respecting their own needs & limits...

And that's why yours aren't either...

I can't anymore...

Read & writing is hard... But I heard you...

I'm sorry that humanity is so shitty. I'm not better

Thank you for your reply.
I appreciate you being so real.