access to the terrace closed, it was his colleague who had the keys. he suggested that I look at a room on the 20th floor. I said no, we'll see the terrace another time.
I wasn't ready at all, I felt it...when it happens I can't...
I go to sleep
Maybe a blessing in disguise.
You are not in the right space for this at all, and feeling like you have to go through with it so you don't waste peoples time is not the reason to follow through.
I'm so sorry, I know how much you struggled after the last time cancelling. But I do believe in fate - and this was the universe having your back, you not being ready so it gave you a helping hand to hold off again.
I know it's easy to say as a stranger on the internet, but please please please don't force yourself into something you genuinely don't want to do. You seem like such a good soul, and I wish you could find peace in life without this.
