winechateu
Member
- Dec 4, 2020
- 33
hello there!! heres another dramatic general user venting post by yours truly. if you wish to read, i appreciate you. just perusing by? i appreciate you too.
i spent time today with one of my closest friends and i felt content. we talked about living our futures together and meeting more people like us and traveling together. in my mind i am thinking, i would love to do those things, but i never will because i just have to ctb.
it was very calming to not think about ctb for a few hours.. i got home and i was alone with my thoughts. i portray to my friends that i am in recovery when i actually am just postponing my ctb date to whenever i feel like my time is up.
which is all the time haha.
my entire perspective on the world, my expectations of myself are all : suicide. i make decisions based on what is best for when i die.
it’s really frustrating. i just want a break to feel normal for a few moments. it’s like a constant propelling motion of thought after thought.
i just want to die and vibe afterwards.
would anyone like to join me in purgatory? we can hang out and get to know each other :)
i spent time today with one of my closest friends and i felt content. we talked about living our futures together and meeting more people like us and traveling together. in my mind i am thinking, i would love to do those things, but i never will because i just have to ctb.
it was very calming to not think about ctb for a few hours.. i got home and i was alone with my thoughts. i portray to my friends that i am in recovery when i actually am just postponing my ctb date to whenever i feel like my time is up.
which is all the time haha.
my entire perspective on the world, my expectations of myself are all : suicide. i make decisions based on what is best for when i die.
it’s really frustrating. i just want a break to feel normal for a few moments. it’s like a constant propelling motion of thought after thought.
i just want to die and vibe afterwards.
would anyone like to join me in purgatory? we can hang out and get to know each other :)
