Annoyed by a sudden will to live

[CandycanePuke]

I've been planning to kill myself for about five months now. I hadnt had any doubts in those five months. I wanted to do it on a special day late next month, but I don't think I will anymore. I feel like since it isn't just a fleeting thought of hope I shouldnt do it yet. It's been a bit over a week and I've been feeling like I want to try a little harder, for a little longer. I just feel annoyed but idk. The date comes every year, it's not like I'm missing anything .-.

 

[nozomu]

The cyclic fleeting hope is keeping me here too, even though I want to let go of it

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Me too. It can be very frustrating being hurled through these emotional peaks and valleys every night and sometimes even multiple times within the same day.

 

[_Broken_alice]

Same... It's so frustrating. Just the last 6 or so hours have been a constant back and forth in the midst of uncontrollably crying. One moment, we are ready to start preparing, the next we want to at least try to get help somehow. We even had a day planned for the last few months and everything we need but when our day came... we just couldn't... Not even SI really, just hope we know we should not have.

 

[vak]

This happens to me as well. Periodically, hope deceives me, resulting in my staying a decade longer than I should have. I'm not sure if it's some kind of survival mechanism, but it is indeed annoying.

 

[Sylveon]

Can relate. Yup. I felt more than ready to CTB last month; even going to my "spot" a couple of times, but all of a sudden it seems as though I don't wanna die anymore, it's frustrating, to say the least. I feel as though I am betraying my own emotions...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would forget about a certain date (deadline). It's great that you feel better now,try harder, try what you wanna try and see if your life/situation improves. You can always have your method ready just in the case everything fails. That's what I would do. Good luck!!