Help Anhedonia. Possible to overcome?

[Sarahlynn]

I am having severe anhedonia atm,thar has lasted for many weeks.

I have been open about my suicidal ideations for years in therapy. I don't know what happened this time, cause suddenly my GP reacted to me being suicidal. The head doctor of my county ordered a mandatory health check, and I was told the police would come for me if I didn't show. I have always thought being admitted would be the final drop for me, and that I would CTB. But I was just numb. I couldn't muster the energy at all. So I ended up admitted, and has been for a few weeks now.

I am still numb. There is no meaning to anything. Everything is a major struggle. Everything I usually enjoy gives me absolutely nothing. My favourite food, drinks, games, shows, this forum, nothing. Before being admitted I got drunk and high, which has helped me the last 20+ years, but now it was just uncomfortable. I am on complete autopilot. As I am still admitted, I get up, get dressed, show up for my appointments, eat some of the meals. I refuse to socialize, but the people working there usually sit down and try to have a conversation every day. It's all just exhausting and pointless. My days are mostly just about waiting for night so I can try to sleep.

This time they promise I will get help. I have tried all the meds they have to offer, so meds are not an option. They keep telling me I should do things I normally like, but I have been trying for weeks and it's still all completely pointless and exhausting. I will probably be discharged the coming week, and will probably go back to living life in bed. I will apparently get a team for follow up, but no psychiatrist, and I worry it will just be more of the "get up and do stuff".

I am too exhausted and numb to CTB.

What the fuck do I do now. How do I get out of this?

 

[LittleJem]

There's a Facebook group where they share tips. Some people find medication for dopamine helpful. I'm sorry you are going through this...
It sounds like 'they' don't understand it

 

[RedFoxSwims]

I have no idea what would help but I'm sorry you're going through what you are. Being incarcerated in one of those hospitals is he'll. My advice to get out is be as complacent and agreeable as possible to get out. That's what I did when I was incarcerated in one of those places. I know in my country they do involuntary ECT, so you might wanna watch for that if it's common in your country. You can forget whole parts of your life with that terrible thing.

 

[Sarahlynn]

There's a Facebook group where they share tips. Some people find medication for dopamine helpful. I'm sorry you are going through this...
It sounds like 'they' don't understand it

I should check out the fb group then, thanks for the tip. Unfortunately, there are no more meds they will prescribe for me, so meds are not an option.

I have no idea what would help but I'm sorry you're going through what you are. Being incarcerated in one of those hospitals is he'll. My advice to get out is be as complacent and agreeable as possible to get out. That's what I did when I was incarcerated in one of those places. I know in my country they do involuntary ECT, so you might wanna watch for that if it's common in your country. You can forget whole parts of your life with that terrible thing.

Actually, it's not at all as bad as I feared, and nothing like what I have read other people describe on here. Probably helps to be in Scandinavia I guess. I find the staff friendly and nice (although not very helpful and too much present), got my own en-suite bedroom, the food is decent. I think they genuinely want to help, I am just too broken to be helped I think. Sorry to hear about your bad experience with being admitted, even though mine isn't helpful, at least it isn't making everything much worse.

They are not able to force me into ECT in my country, and it has never been discussed as an option. Don't think I would want it either, my mind is scattered and forgetful enough as it is, and it only helps temporarily and for some of the people who get it.

 

[LittleJem]

The Facebook group has peopel sharing everything and anything that might help them. Though only some people have luck - but it is a helpful group.

Re Meds, I got to the point of trying to get mine online - as I am just a guinea pig for psychiatrists. Though I am thinking of trying a psychiatrist again. They just test one pill than another - that is all they can do.

 

[k75]

I relate to this so much, and I'm sorry. It's frustrating when nobody seems to have an answer, even people who are supposed to help. How is it I know more about anhedonia than my therapist???

I've been struggling for such a long time now. All last year, most of this year. Last year was bad because I couldn't make myself get engaged in any activity. I couldn't even feel anything that wasn't painful, physically or emotionally. I was driven to seek out sexual partners I knew would hurt me just to feel something. Food lost taste, hobbies weren't fun. I didn't bother turning on my tv or lights half the time care much. In fact, I didn't even notice how bad it was until a neighbor bothered me for something and commented on how quiet my apartment was and asked if I didn't at least listen to music. And I realized I couldn't remember the last time I had anything on at all and proceeded to not do anything about it.

This year I've been a little better, but it's not great. I managed to get into a game and have watched a few shows and am reading a couple of comics. Slowly. But I wouldn't say I'm really enjoying anything. Life feels like a chore, mostly. I wish there was a cure or an answer or a definite way to fix this.

I tell my therapist about how I don't feel all the time, and she acts mystified. My last few were like that too. Is it hopeless? It's really, really, really hard to feel like continuing to live when life's reward system is broken.

 

[Mm80]

Sarah have you been put on anything else other than serotonin reuptake inhibitors ?
Maybe look into or ask for something that works on norepinephrine or dopamine, strattera or buproprion?

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

But watch these pills don't numb you more

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I wish I knew. I relate to what you wrote so much. I already struggled with anhedonia but now I have permanent ssri induced anhedonia after being put on zoloft as a young teen and taking it for years (it didn't help my depression at all either). My psychiatrist said it's a rare side effect of those meds..... wonderful.

 

[Sarahlynn]

The Facebook group has peopel sharing everything and anything that might help them. Though only some people have luck - but it is a helpful group.

Re Meds, I got to the point of trying to get mine online - as I am just a guinea pig for psychiatrists. Though I am thinking of trying a psychiatrist again. They just test one pill than another - that is all they can do.

I struggle to find the fb link, apparently a lot of bands are called anhedonia. The one I found wasn't very helpful?

I would love to try some other meds in hope that they might help. Not that they will fix me, but maybe help me a bit out of the useless hole I'm currently in. But have seen three docs (to of which are psychs) and they all say there is no more to try.

I relate to this so much, and I'm sorry. It's frustrating when nobody seems to have an answer, even people who are supposed to help. How is it I know more about anhedonia than my therapist???

I've been struggling for such a long time now. All last year, most of this year. Last year was bad because I couldn't make myself get engaged in any activity. I couldn't even feel anything that wasn't painful, physically or emotionally. I was driven to seek out sexual partners I knew would hurt me just to feel something. Food lost taste, hobbies weren't fun. I didn't bother turning on my tv or lights half the time care much. In fact, I didn't even notice how bad it was until a neighbor bothered me for something and commented on how quiet my apartment was and asked if I didn't at least listen to music. And I realized I couldn't remember the last time I had anything on at all and proceeded to not do anything about it.

This year I've been a little better, but it's not great. I managed to get into a game and have watched a few shows and am reading a couple of comics. Slowly. But I wouldn't say I'm really enjoying anything. Life feels like a chore, mostly. I wish there was a cure or an answer or a definite way to fix this.

I tell my therapist about how I don't feel all the time, and she acts mystified. My last few were like that too. Is it hopeless? It's really, really, really hard to feel like continuing to live when life's reward system is broken.

You describe it very well, but oh my god, that is a long time feeling like that... How do you go on for so long, how do you deal with all the stupid shit that has to be done (appointments, chores, food)?

Sarah have you been put on anything else other than serotonin reuptake inhibitors ?
Maybe look into or ask for something that works on norepinephrine or dopamine, strattera or buproprion?

Yeah, I have a long list of things I have tried, over many years. Bupripion has been tried by itself and in combinations. Turns out public health care says it is impossible to have an ADHD diagnosis and having managed an education, so that diagnosis and meds are a definitive no for me now.

But watch these pills don't numb you more

I don't think I have had that problem on most of the meds I have been on. All I am begging for now is at least a slight lift in energy so that I can CTB.

I wish I knew. I relate to what you wrote so much. I already struggled with anhedonia but now I have permanent ssri induced anhedonia after being put on zoloft as a young teen and taking it for years (it didn't help my depression at all either). My psychiatrist said it's a rare side effect of those meds..... wonderful.

I'm so sorry for you, I didn't know it could end like that. What does your psych say about your situation, that nothing can be done? Maybe someone in this thread comes with some good advice you could use as well.

 

[k75]

You describe it very well, but oh my god, that is a long time feeling like that... How do you go on for so long, how do you deal with all the stupid shit that has to be done (appointments, chores, food)?

So basically, I just don't really function that well in between appointments. The only time I can really seem to pull myself together is the day rent is due and my landlord comes over and when I have to go see a doctor. There's not much incentive otherwise. I guess I mostly go on just because I can't seem to find the energy to give up. Its almost funny when I really think about it. I sleep a lot. Bad coping.

My desire to hide my dysfunction is apparently greater than my depression, and nobody truly knows how bad I am. My best friend knows a lot, but I hide it from him as well. If I can get away with not doing things, I will for as long as possible. Then it's a huge emergency when I have to do it at the last minute. The worst part is I'm aware of how messed up it all is and can describe it in posts like this, and yet I can't make myself just do stuff before it's a crisis.

I don't think it's normal to have this level of anhedonia for this long, but nobody seems to know. I don't want you to give up hope based on what I've experienced. I really hope it gets better for you soon.

 

[Sarahlynn]

So basically, I just don't really function that well in between appointments. The only time I can really seem to pull myself together is the day rent is due and my landlord comes over and when I have to go see a doctor. There's not much incentive otherwise. I guess I mostly go on just because I can't seem to find the energy to give up. Its almost funny when I really think about it. I sleep a lot. Bad coping.

My desire to hide my dysfunction is apparently greater than my depression, and nobody truly knows how bad I am. My best friend knows a lot, but I hide it from him as well. If I can get away with not doing things, I will for as long as possible. Then it's a huge emergency when I have to do it at the last minute. The worst part is I'm aware of how messed up it all is and can describe it in posts like this, and yet I can't make myself just do stuff before it's a crisis.

I don't think it's normal to have this level of anhedonia for this long, but nobody seems to know. I don't want you to give up hope based on what I've experienced. I really hope it gets better for you soon.

Yeah, I'm kinda past the point of being able to fake it at least for more than short bursts. Especially now that I am admitted as there are people here all the time. Would think they were used to this stuff being a mental ward and all, but I actually freaked out one of the nurses as I refused to get up, eat or talk. All the other pasients seems so much better than me, many are miserable, but they manage all the stuff like all the meals and signs up for walks and shit. Several of my meals I have had just to make the nurses shut up about me not eating.

Sleeping is at least a lot better way of coping than many other ways! I am struggling with sleep these days as well, wish I could sleep it all away. Will probably be easier when I get back home and don't have people nagging all day long,and I can actually get some sleep during day time as well.

Thank you, I really hope it will get better for you as well. This really sucks.

 

[k75]

I'm lucky because I can isolate a lot, which makes it easy to hide the situation. I wouldn't be able to maintain the illusion long if I couldn't do that. Too much work. My best friend calls every day and makes sure I'm ok, but he lives in another state right now, so he can no longer just come over. It was horrible when he moved, but it also made it easier to be by myself.

I have this idea about sleep. If I'm sleeping, I can't hurt myself. I'm safe if I can stay in bed. So I do it as much as I can. But I suffer from nightmares and a panic disorder that wakes me up every few hours. But sometimes it randomly turns into insomnia. I also have a couple of people who check in on me randomly, so I don't really ever feel rested.

 

[MrBigSad]

I haven't felt emotions in months. Tbh I like it. It beats feeling. Feeling sucks.

Id say I'm sorry but I am the same as you. Emotions are something I can't feel again. And if I try to remember I just break down in tears.

Sometimes I wish people like us could feel once more. Then I remember it isn't worth it.

 

[Life sucks]

There are a lot of things to do but everyone is different and some things might not work. Its not impossible but you need to find what stimulates the brain. I've struggled with it but now its not static and come randomly.

I'll say some things briefly:

Food, its not about healthy or not. You might find some types of food and drinks that helps.

Exercises, for some people, exercises help to feel better (endorphins).

Talking or interacting with people you feel comfortable with. Its not impossible to like someone, sometimes when you find that special person, you get brain chemicals easily with them. Just be careful and don't talk with random and toxic peopl, because having negative interactions worsens anhedonia.

Sexuality is a strong thing against anhedonia, do what you love and don't feel bad about it. For some people, its hard to get partners but even fantasies and self enjoyment can trigger those chemicals.

Observe your physical position (like sitting) and notice which position worsens anhedonia and try to do it less. Anhedonia is variable and changes based on the body's chemistry and physics.

Heat is extremely bad for anhedonia, hot weather and stuff with hot temperatures can worsens it. Anhedonia can be viewed as negative heat. The brain is like a circuit and anhedonia is damage to that route and the brain reward system which causes heat in the brain. Cooling is very important and there are many methods: by using cold water on the body (specially head, chest), staying in colder room without covering the feet, drinking more water.

Customize and do stuff as you want, choose what you really like even if its small feeling. You like that color? Choose it. You like to go to that place? Go. Those small feelings will be stronger together.

Do things and have some accomplishments. Anything can work like completing video games, cooking , learning something new like languages. Don't discourage yourself, just keep doing and try to ignore the numbness. The negative brain is a part of the problem, whenever someone do something, it says "you're anhedonic". Ignore that voice.

Sometimes imitating emotions can work like making a smile even if you don't feel happy. Pretending to be something else can trick the brain.

Group activities can work for some people, like playing card and board games for example. Find what you like with people you feel comfortable with.

Music could work, listen to wider variety of music. It can stimulate the brain by listening to new sounds and genres.

Try to avoid negativity and disappointment and anything that makes the brain reward system sends a negative result. It might be hard but being aware of it can help.



There are more and more ways. The counter of "anhedonic" is "hedonic". It might take longer to understand oneself and know the positive and negative triggers. It might be frustrating at the beginning but the key is trying to find something then the brain will find its way and adapt. People can control their brain and anhedonic people can too. It might be long or hard but its not impossible.

 

[LittleJem]

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Look into Modafinil, I just read an article about it. Am adding it to my pills today:

Successful use of modafinil in treatment-resistant bipolar depression in an elderly woman

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

The article mentions she had anhedonia

 

[MariV]

anhedonia is a nasty one indeed.i sufferfrom it aswell. but it can get better anytime. you never know. i had ulcerative colitis and rectal bleeding for years. and for no apparent reason some day it stopped. and its supposed to be a chronic disease. hugs

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

I am having severe anhedonia atm,thar has lasted for many weeks.

I have been open about my suicidal ideations for years in therapy. I don't know what happened this time, cause suddenly my GP reacted to me being suicidal. The head doctor of my county ordered a mandatory health check, and I was told the police would come for me if I didn't show. I have always thought being admitted would be the final drop for me, and that I would CTB. But I was just numb. I couldn't muster the energy at all. So I ended up admitted, and has been for a few weeks now.

I am still numb. There is no meaning to anything. Everything is a major struggle. Everything I usually enjoy gives me absolutely nothing. My favourite food, drinks, games, shows, this forum, nothing. Before being admitted I got drunk and high, which has helped me the last 20+ years, but now it was just uncomfortable. I am on complete autopilot. As I am still admitted, I get up, get dressed, show up for my appointments, eat some of the meals. I refuse to socialize, but the people working there usually sit down and try to have a conversation every day. It's all just exhausting and pointless. My days are mostly just about waiting for night so I can try to sleep.

This time they promise I will get help. I have tried all the meds they have to offer, so meds are not an option. They keep telling me I should do things I normally like, but I have been trying for weeks and it's still all completely pointless and exhausting. I will probably be discharged the coming week, and will probably go back to living life in bed. I will apparently get a team for follow up, but no psychiatrist, and I worry it will just be more of the "get up and do stuff".

I am too exhausted and numb to CTB.

What the fuck do I do now. How do I get out of this?

In my opinion you kind of achieved some kind of nirvana before dying, this anhedonia. I fear it the most, like losing my interest in comic books and drawing.
You mention GP? UK? Of course there is no meaning to anything until you give it meaning.
What is the meaning of life? The meaning you give it. No gods, no religion.

 

[Metalhead]

There's a Facebook group where they share tips. Some people find medication for dopamine helpful. I'm sorry you are going through this...
It sounds like 'they' don't understand it

What's the group called ?