Anger

[Etherealdignity333]

obviously, the people I loved who were kind to me and never hurt me, I will feel bad leaving behind. They will get soothing letters when I go.

But does anyone ever feel like, for the people that fucked them over, like they fucking HOPE it hurts them. Narcissistic jackhole fuck of an ex told me at one point, sandwiched inbetween all of the treating me like shit and emotional abuse... when I told him I was thinking of hurting myself he said something like "knowing I could have done something about it, and I didn't... that would fuck me up for life".

And all I can think, blind with rage and hurt... is FUCKING GOOD. I hope not a single day goes by that you don't fucking remember, you emotional fucking teaspoon. I hope something in your miserable pathological remorseless life causes you to fucking grow as a human being... It's funny how you thought I was just talking shit, Jackass.

Cute.

One of our last conversations, he told me I wasn't his concern.

I REALLLLLLLLY want to send him a delayed email about a month after I go out: "it is done. I guess you could say that living wasn't my concern".

And I'm not saying shit to my family. They can wonder forever. Haven't talked to me in almost three years after you kicked me off the island for finally saying out loud that my sister killed my daughter. Oh, I'm sorry... is that too dark for you, you denial ridden assholes? SHE PUT A TWO MONTH OLD FACE DOWN IN A PILE OF PILLOWS AND LEFT HER THERE FOR FOUR HOURS BECAUSE SHE WAS MAD AT ME. Good luck in your old age, cause she ain't gonna do shit for you.

Well, jokes on you. More lights are gonna go out.

I don't know how family notification works, so I don't honestly know if they'll ever find out.

I am angry today.

I fucking hate everyone.

N is probably dying. I just rot in my apartment, stroking my nitrite and playing video games, while waiting for my money to run out and N to come back online.

But right now, I feel like hanging myself on the fucking doorknob.

Look.

She speaks!

 

[HGL91]

It has been good talking to you in PMs. I'm so sorry you're feeling so much pain today. I had no idea about your sister killing your daughter. Holy crap! You have been through so much. :(

 

[pole]

obviously, the people I loved who were kind to me and never hurt me, I will feel bad leaving behind. They will get soothing letters when I go.

But does anyone ever feel like, for the people that fucked them over, like they fucking HOPE it hurts them. Narcissistic jackhole fuck of an ex told me at one point, sandwiched inbetween all of the treating me like shit and emotional abuse... when I told him I was thinking of hurting myself he said something like "knowing I could have done something about it, and I didn't... that would fuck me up for life".

And all I can think, blind with rage and hurt... is FUCKING GOOD. I hope not a single day goes by that you don't fucking remember, you emotional fucking teaspoon. I hope something in your miserable pathological remorseless life causes you to fucking grow as a human being... It's funny how you thought I was just talking shit, Jackass.

Cute.

One of our last conversations, he told me I wasn't his concern.

I REALLLLLLLLY want to send him a delayed email about a month after I go out: "it is done. I guess you could say that living wasn't my concern".

And I'm not saying shit to my family. They can wonder forever. Haven't talked to me in almost three years after you kicked me off the island for finally saying out loud that my sister killed my daughter. Oh, I'm sorry... is that too dark for you, you denial ridden assholes? SHE PUT A TWO MONTH OLD FACE DOWN IN A PILE OF PILLOWS AND LEFT HER THERE FOR FOUR HOURS BECAUSE SHE WAS MAD AT ME. Good luck in your old age, cause she ain't gonna do shit for you.

Well, jokes on you. More lights are gonna go out.

I don't know how family notification works, so I don't honestly know if they'll ever find out.

I am angry today.

I fucking hate everyone.

N is probably dying. I just rot in my apartment, stroking my nitrite and playing video games, while waiting for my money to run out and N to come back online.

But right now, I feel like hanging myself on the fucking doorknob.

Look.

She speaks!

jesus christ, the daughter things terrible. worse than that is them isolating themselves from you, when they should be emotionally supporting you. the fuck. so fucking awful.

 

[Etherealdignity333]

jesus christ, the daughter things terrible. worse than that is them isolating themselves from you, when they should be emotionally supporting you. the fuck. so fucking awful.

I ended up in the psych ward after my sister told me she did that because I literally had a complete nervous breakdown and started hallucinating for the first time in my life, or since.

10 days after I got out, they kicked me out when I told them about it all, and I slept in a storage unit until the lady told me I had to leave.

Haven't spoken to them since.

Fuck them.

It has been good talking to you in PMs. I'm so sorry you're feeling so much pain today. I had no idea about your sister killing your daughter. Holy crap! You have been through so much. :(

She's a terrible human being and there's nothing I can do about it because she lied to the police when it happened 10 years ago, I have no proof. I should have recorded her on my phone when we were talking about it, but I had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth. It's been good talking to you, too, sorry I don't say much sometimes and then just vomit words.

 

[pole]

I ended up in the psych ward after my sister told me she did that because I literally had a complete nervous breakdown and started hallucinating for the first time in my life, or since.

10 days after I got out, they kicked me out when I told them about it all, and I slept in a storage unit until the lady told me I had to leave.

Haven't spoken to them since.

Fuck them.

She's a terrible human being and there's nothing I can do about it because she lied to the police when it happened 10 years ago, I have no proof. I should have recorded her on my phone when we were talking about it, but I had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth. It's been good talking to you, too, sorry I don't say much sometimes and then just vomit words.

absolutely awful. i just idk why, hope and somewhat believe shit catches up to people. The wrongdoings some do catches up to them. i dont wish anything on anyone, but thats fucking terrible.

i hope you find some sort of peace and happiness, ur way stronger than me for fuck sakes.

 

[Etherealdignity333]

It has been good talking to you in PMs. I'm so sorry you're feeling so much pain today. I had no idea about your sister killing your daughter. Holy crap! You have been through so much. :(

absolutely awful. i just idk why, hope and somewhat believe shit catches up to people. The wrongdoings some do catches up to them. i dont wish anything on anyone, but thats fucking terrible.

i hope you find some sort of peace and happiness, ur way stronger than me for fuck sakes.

I hope they rot. They are fucking psychos and I'm surprised I didn't end up as a serial killer.

Thank you so much for your words, but I'm not stronger than anyone... just waiting for the right day to catch the bus.

I can't live with any of this anymore.

 

[pole]

I hope they rot. They are fucking psychos and I'm surprised I didn't end up as a serial killer.

Thank you so much for your words, but I'm not stronger than anyone... just waiting for the right day to catch the bus.

I can't live with any of this anymore.

you are stronger than most. i mean look at what uv gone through? and ur still here. people wouldve ctb'd way before. fuck im not as strong as u, i wouldnt be able to handle all of that and i wouldve killed myself way before. u are strong.

words dont mean much over the internet, shit that happened to u wasnt deserving. loosing ur daughter to the hands of ur blood. having ur family disappear when u need them the most. like wtf.

really hope happiness comes your way. dont know what to say.

 

[Etherealdignity333]

I am literally the one person in my immediate family that hasn't killed themselves, tried to kill themselves, or killed someone else. Well fuck that, let's make it four out of four.

A NEEDS TO ANSWER before I have to go out like a crackhead.

You know what sucks?

I'm funny. I'm smart. I'm good with words, good with people, bubbly, relatively attractive, and often get reverse stereotyped as the valley girl type that's "never seen hardship". Whenever someone pigeonholes me like that, I want to be like "bitch, my life story would make a statue cry".

All of the things that could have helped me lead a normal, productive, happy life... were seen and hated by my sociopath of a mother, all the things she could never be... and she systematically ground me down until there was nothing left. Then my sister delivered the final blow... but I kept kicking. Still, I kept kicking. I achieved. I landed a job with the fucking CDC.

I never had love, so I threw it all away when I fell in love with another sociopath, moved back home, took a job in psych, and now am losing my license because someone tried to CTB on the fucking unit (I get it guy, but goddamn) while he is moving on with the surgeon.

And NOW, finally, after years of fighting, I'm just done.

you are stronger than most. i mean look at what uv gone through? and ur still here. people wouldve ctb'd way before. fuck im not as strong as u, i wouldnt be able to handle all of that and i wouldve killed myself way before. u are strong.

words dont mean much over the internet, shit that happened to u wasnt deserving. loosing ur daughter to the hands of ur blood. having ur family disappear when u need them the most. like wtf.

really hope happiness comes your way. dont know what to say.

Your words mean more than you know.

 

[pole]

I am literally the one person in my immediate family that hasn't killed themselves, tried to kill themselves, or killed someone else. Well fuck that, let's make it four out of four.

A NEEDS TO ANSWER before I have to go out like a crackhead.

You know what sucks?

I'm funny. I'm smart. I'm good with words, good with people, bubbly, relatively attractive, and often get reverse stereotyped as the valley girl type that's "never seen hardship". Whenever someone pigeonholes me like that, I want to be like "bitch, my life story would make a statue cry".

All of the things that could have helped me lead a normal, productive, happy life... were seen and hated by my sociopath of a mother, all the things she could never be... and she systematically ground me down until there was nothing left. Then my sister delivered the final blow... but I kept kicking. Still, I kept kicking. I achieved. I landed a job with the fucking CDC.

I never had love, so I threw it all away when I fell in love with another sociopath, moved back home, took a job in psych, and now am losing my license.

And NOW, finally, after years of fighting, I'm just done.


Your words mean more than you know.

u kept kicking.

some of us wouldve stopped kicking.

but u kept kicking.

ur so fricken strong and u cant see it.

 

[sunny.sativa]

I hate to be that person but when you kill yourself, your letters aren't going to "soothe" anyone that gives even a mild shit about you.

People love you. If your loved one took their life and gave you a letter, it wouldn't "soothe" you. Please keep that in mind.


HOWEVER, I wish you'd had an easier day. If you like music, I know a few nice songs that are really nice to hear in those mentally challenging moments! Music helps me a bit. Can you relax from today? Do you like to draw or watch comedies? Don't sit there and marinade in your anger and frustration. It causes ... emotional friction. That shit sucks. Take care of yourself tonight. xx

 

[Etherealdignity333]

The only person I'm really sad about leaving behind is me. I look at this picture, and I see so much hope and brightness in her eyes. She had no idea what was to come to pass. That she would suffer until the end of her days.
I know. And I do feel bad for my friends. I really do. But I just can't do this anymore. The amount of work it would take to even reach half of who I could have been... I just don't have enough left to give. I'm fatally wounded, bleeding out, and would rather go out by my own hand, on my feet, than die by life on my knees.