An old face is coming back into my life, making CTB even more difficult

[knickknack81]

Hey everyone.

So 2025 has been a really tough year for me. My longtime partner left me, I don't talk to my family anymore, work is really bad, very scared of the future. And ive been thinking of just ending it. It hasn't gotten past the stage of just thinking about it but it is something I wrestle with all the time. There are many reasons why Im hesitant to CTB. One of them is the pain I would cause on the few people I am still close to. One of the them is my ex. Just a quick back story, we have known each other 20 years on and off, reconnected in 2019, started a serious relationship and we had our ups and downs until she ended it earlier this year. We didn't speak for a number of months but just recently, we have started talking about and it's been very friendly and civil. Even made plans to grab dinner. The thing is, now that we are chatting again, the idea of me going through with CTB I know would just destroy her. She already has struggles with mental health and I can't help but think if I did something, she would blame it all on herself and it might get really bad. Is it wrong for me to think this way? That I should be that concerned about how other people respond the action I decide to take? Should I just ignore that if/when I decide to CTB? I dunno, what do you guys think.

Thanks!

 

[moonlightbeach]

Is it wrong for me to think this way? That I should be that concerned about how other people respond the action I decide to take? Should I just ignore that if/when I decide to CTB? I dunno, what do you guys think.

it's absolutely not wrong for you to think that way. i think most people would fear of the same - the consequences that will happen to others.
the answer i always give to these kinds of question is - give yourself time, a break in peace. reflect on that time. see your ex again, have some dinners together.
there's a lot of hope in your message and i think you're a good person because of how thought out you are with it and how you don't want to cause pain to others.
ctb is always a huge event that has consequences. i guess the main question is - do you have the will to continue to live for your friends and your ex? do you think the work situation and the future can get better? if not, do you think you'd be better off dead, forever, never seeing your friends and ex again?
you're stuck with a moral question and you're the only one that can answer it for you. if you feel like time's not right and you're excited for the future and how things come along, give yourself time. if you're not, then also give yourself a month or two. decide only after you've reflected.

 

[knickknack81]

it's absolutely not wrong for you to think that way. i think most people would fear of the same - the consequences that will happen to others.
the answer i always give to these kinds of question is - give yourself time, a break in peace. reflect on that time. see your ex again, have some dinners together.
there's a lot of hope in your message and i think you're a good person because of how thought out you are with it and how you don't want to cause pain to others.
ctb is always a huge event that has consequences. i guess the main question is - do you have the will to continue to live for your friends and your ex? do you think the work situation and the future can get better? if not, do you think you'd be better off dead, forever, never seeing your friends and ex again?
you're stuck with a moral question and you're the only one that can answer it for you. if you feel like time's not right and you're excited for the future and how things come along, give yourself time. if you're not, then also give yourself a month or two. decide only after you've reflected.

Yeah I still have a lot to think about. I don't plan on CTB in the immediate future. It's more a thought of "if things don't get better, this could happen down the road". It is a very big, serious decision and not one I (or anyone) should take lightly. Its just reconnecting with this person has brought up a lot of emotions that just make things more difficult then if this person had just cut me off and we hadn't spoke. But we shall see how things move forward.

Thank you for the thoughtful response.