Discussion An (irrational) fear that I have

[PrisonPlanetBreak]

So there is this fear that I have, and I wanna know if someone else finds themselves in my shoes. I don't believe that Hell, as described in the Bible, exists. I think the biblical description of Hell has been lost in translation and used as fear mongering only. Instead I have this irrational fear of waking up in the shoes of the person that will be affected the most by my suicide. In my case that would be my mother. I am sure many people on here keep clinging on, because they have loving parents and don't want to hurt them. So I fear slipping away in my permanent slumber... and then simply waking up in my mom's body with my mom's consciousness, having to get a phone call letting her know her son is dead. And from that point on, continuing to live from my mom's point of view.

It sounds really stupid when I read it... but I think and hope it's the right place to vent about this. It might even sound selfish. Because one can also read this as, I would be "fine" with there being nothing after death, and me being unaware of all the suffering I am going to leave behind... but I cower in fear if I think that I have to go through the suffering "myself", after I'm already suffering as is in my current state. The reality is that I tried to train myself to be as unphased about it as possible, but this thought still prevails...

Being depressed has opened up a very different view on death and suicide for me, where I don't find death to be tragic anymore, unless I know the person was enjoying life and they were waking up with a smile on their face every day. If I see news on suicide on TV, I always think: "I hope they are free now, I so understand whatever they were going through...". And yeah... I think my fear is irrational, because there are people on here who have nobody left, or nobody that cares. So in my theory then what, do they get a free pass into non-existence?

Still, if I were to read in the Bible about Hell meaning you have to live through the lives of the people you hurt the most in your death (if death comes by suicide), I'd be more inclined to believe it to be true, than a place of eternal suffering. What are your thoughts on this?​

 

[SVEN]

Given your fear, I'm not sure where you imagine your mother's soul or mind would go to when your personality migrated to her body. Or, why she would be bumped out to make place for you.
I've never heard or read of any acount of this happening, so honestly, this just seems to be your own, personal nightmare.
I hope things get better for you.

 

[PrisonPlanetBreak]

Given your fear, I'm not sure where you imagine your mother's soul or mind would go to when your personality migrated to her body. Or, why she would be bumped out to make place for you.
I've never heard or read of any acount of this happening, so honestly, this just seems to be your own, personal nightmare.
I hope things get better for you.

I think you misunderstood. I wouldn't wake up in my mother's body with my personality. I would wake up as herself, with her personality and mind, as if I already was living her life since birth, and not my own as myself.

 

[theboy]

wow,Well, that fear may disappear with time.

 

[SVEN]

I think you misunderstood. I wouldn't wake up in my mother's body with my personality. I would wake up as herself, with her personality and mind, as if I already was living her life since birth, and not my own as myself.

Sorry, my mistake entirely. In that case I'd wonder where the original "You" went to. Somewhere along the timeline the old "you" would seem to have both ceased to exist and to continue as your mother's identity, if I've caught up.
It's not a concept I've ever heard before, and can't really imagine it occurring.
I truly hope you can find peace.

 

[PrisonPlanetBreak]

Sorry, my mistake entirely. In that case I'd wonder where the original "You" went to. Somewhere along the timeline the old "you" would seem to have both ceased to exist and to continue as your mother's identity, if I've caught up.
It's not a concept I've ever heard before, and can't really imagine it occurring.
I truly hope you can find peace.

No worries, and I appreciate your comment :), because it helps reinforce my awareness that it is indeed an irrational fear. In hindsight, this version of "Hell" isn't really more sensical than the one described in the bible. But I guess that it could be somewhat more impactful to read about such a "punishment". Then again, indeed the point you make is a good counter argument, given that my soul would be in some sort of limbo.​