An inability to fit in

[Deleted member 14177]

Completely odd. Utterly unusual. Too weird, quirky, strange...
Too many times, again and again, I meet others in hopes to create relationships, friendships, intimacy.
Too many times, I am left with this deep pit of rejection and loneliness. An inability to "fit in" to this design of society and it's social constructs.
Drown, social pariah, drown...
One moment, I belong, perhaps as an idea my head has created that I am worthy of care.
The next moment, I am reminded, the small anchors of life do eventually sink; and again, I am left bobbing in an ocean of solitude.
Outcast to the sea, and a willingness to swim to the next boat
but I am not a fish, or at least not one worth catching.

 

[Garbage Person]

You're certainly not alone. I long for connections that I just can't quite form anymore. It's a challenge just to keep any current relations from eroding completely, so maybe I'm just not cut out for it right now. I don't leave my house these days, a lot of it is my own fault. I hope something eventually transpires for you.

 

[Deleted member 14177]

You're certainly not alone. I long for connections that I just can't quite form anymore. It's a challenge just to keep any current relations from eroding completely, so maybe I'm just not cut out for it right now. I don't leave my house these days, a lot of it is my own fault. I hope something eventually transpires for you.

Thank you. I relate with this too well, my friend. Many hugs to you, and hoping the same for you.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

I both fit in everywhere and fit in nowhere. I am a great enigma and your best friend. I am there but not. I have no tribe and no home because all is mine. I am a shapeshifter. Alone. Always alone.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

I've never been a pretentious "showshifter" so I'm also rejected amongst the rejected.
And the "funny" thing is that most of the "misfits" still maintain facebook/instagram accounts with quite a buch of followers.
I never did.

 

[Cursed4ever]

Long Hug Mate

 

[MiepMoop]

Can definitely relate with this, you're not alone!

 

[Deleted member 14177]

Hugs to you all

 

[itachi of death]

The way I am is just off putting,people misunderstood me,im not good at talking to people,ill have what I'm gonna say in my mind and it comes out all jumbled,its makes me not wanna talk to anyone anymore,so I understand and your not alone,and I've never fit in anywhere ever,ill either ignore them or say something stupid there's no in between

 

[Aurora]

I can totally relate to this. I've never fitted in with the normies. I feel like an oddball who watches the world go by through a glass. I never followed the life script of meet someone and start a family. I enjoy the "geek"pursuits like gaming, films and technology.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Yup, this is me, too. I just don't know how to be a person. People I like hate me, and I don't know why.

 

[Gnip]

I have read the books, "Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit In," "Teaching Your Child the Language of Social Success," and "Will I Ever Fit In?" by Stephen Nowicki, Jr and Marshall Duke, and additionally spoken to both authors about their concept of Dyssemia and overcoming it. For me, it was another complete self help failure.

Nothing about developing social skills with Asperger's/Autism spectrum disorders has helped me either.

Asperger's is one of those conditions which psychiatrist administered euthanasia has been used to relieve, for good reason.


The fact is that I simply can't achieve rapport, can't tune into the wavelengths of others, can't be of them when I'm with them, so I prefer to be alone, however lonely that is. Contrivances like Neuro Linguistic Programming which claim to empower people to be able to tune into others simply don't work as hyped by their highly paid teaching proponents.

Being momentarily in tune with others is like catching lightning in a bottle.

My representational profile is Visual-Kinesthetic-Auditory, while successful students are primarily visual. That automatically disqualifies all degrees without exception from having any potential for understanding me or filling my emotional needs. I'm better off dead than continuing to waste time and effort trying and trying and trying in utter futility and delusional hope. I can neve fit in and will always be an easy target for predators (like my elementary school principal father and bullying teachers, principals and psychologists in my own elementary school).

 

[Life_and_Death]

this is how ive been feeling lately, especially the last few days. i fit in everywhere in the sense that i can sit there quietly in the side lines and offer support when needed but no one understands me. not even here. ill talk to people or people here will comment on something i say and.....no one quite understands.....it certainly is difficult to want to live when even accepting people dont understand. its one thing to be accepted its another to have people that truly understand.


(please no one take offense to that. im not saying im worse then you or trying to make myself more important then anyone. all im saying is that i seem to be different. for the most part it seems people here understand others disorders......ive found people that understand bits and pieces of me but no one understands the way it seems they understand other people. also thanks to this lack of understanding ive taken to over explaining myself hence this disclaimer thats longer then the actual comment. ive had people hate me when they were the ones completely misunderstanding, like it was somehow my fault. i also have to say ".....,right?" at the end of everything to make sure the person im talking to actually understands and the whole thing is really f'en annoying.)

 

[Deleted member 14177]

Thank you all for sharing. So many hugs to you all.

 

[flower]

I can relate to this a lot, thank you for sharing. I feel like I've been in so many friend groups, communities, etc. throughout my life and still never find somewhere I actually fit in, even among people who typically don't "fit in" either. makes you feel like there's something innately wrong with you.

I've never been a pretentious "showshifter" so I'm also rejected amongst the rejected.
And the "funny" thing is that most of the "misfits" still maintain facebook/instagram accounts with quite a buch of followers.
I never did.

honestly, the internet used to be where the freaks congregate but I was never popular even online.

 

[opiatedreamz]

I've never been a pretentious "showshifter" so I'm also rejected amongst the rejected.
And the "funny" thing is that most of the "misfits" still maintain facebook/instagram accounts with quite a buch of followers.
I never did.

i relate to this here. i've always been rejected and left out, even among those calling themselves "outcasts."

it's hard when you have an eccentric personality unlike others. nobody understands and they think you're weird and you lose anybody you thought you had a glimmer of hope with. anybody you want to befriend or become closer with, not possible.
in my case i'm just extremely socially inept, or too 'weird' for people. i try and try but nobody ever stays. they get fed up or weirded out very quick.

 

[MrBlue]

I definitely relate to this a lot. I've only ever managed to orbit friendship groups, I've never intergrated into them. I think people tend to judge me as meek and not really worth their time, which means it takes alot for people to warm to me. That or they find out I'm useful but don't consider me of any vaue so I get ignored once I've served a purpose.

It's awful knowing I don't have a place anywhere, especially as an adult where I can't exactly rely on my family for that anymore. I don't want to become the 40yr virgin in his mother's basement.

 

[Meditation guide]

. nobody understands and they think you're weird

Tell me about it! Story of my life. I like myself because I understand me, and if others don't get me that's ok.
It helps when you are different to have a good opinion of yourself.

 

[One day too late]

I feel you on this cause there's many times where I would find myself fitting in but at the same time I don't fit in.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

Relating to a lot of these posts

 

[greebo6]

Well ,you'll always have a place and fit in on here.

 

[suicidal-raven]

Everyone has their own people. They could be seconds away or hours away. Of course it's easy to say there's no one that can be a part of your life, but my boyfriend says this a lot, that everyone has their group. Personally, I haven't found them yet. And if I have, I don't feel like they are "my people" due to what you're feeling. I do hope you can find your people some day

 

[_Kaira_]

I feel this way often. The idea that we have to find a place in society to be deemed 'normal', is a very suffocating feeling. Admittedly, I am also one of those that wish I could create a long-lasting, healthy relationship. To have many friends, and everything else. It would be nice to fit in with the crowd after all, wouldn't it? This isn't the type of 'uniqueness' any of us strive for, I'd bet.

So exhausting to try, because it feels so fake.

 

[Acerakis]

Everyone has their own people. They could be seconds away or hours away. Of course it's easy to say there's no one that can be a part of your life, but my boyfriend says this a lot, that everyone has their group. Personally, I haven't found them yet. And if I have, I don't feel like they are "my people" due to what you're feeling. I do hope you can find your people some day

I thought I had found my people, then lockdown happened and as soon as we weren't meeting as a group it became apparent how little I meant. Always having to be the one that tries to initiate conversations or asks to hang out, always being cancelled on and without a reschedule. I don't know how to be an interesting person.

 

[One day too late]

I thought I had found my people, then lockdown happened and as soon as we weren't meeting as a group it became apparent how little I meant. Always having to be the one that tries to initiate conversations or asks to hang out, always being cancelled on and without a reschedule. I don't know how to be an interesting person.

Same here, that's why I stop trying...

 

[suicidal-raven]

I thought I had found my people, then lockdown happened and as soon as we weren't meeting as a group it became apparent how little I meant. Always having to be the one that tries to initiate conversations or asks to hang out, always being cancelled on and without a reschedule. I don't know how to be an interesting person.

I'm so sorry. This happened to me too. My best friend and I rarely talk anymore with the whole pandemic. Hopefully you and everyone else feeling this way can find something through this website. Even if it's a small conversation.

 

[Acerakis]

I'm so sorry. This happened to me too. My best friend and I rarely talk anymore with the whole pandemic. Hopefully you and everyone else feeling this way can find something through this website. Even if it's a small conversation.

Problem is online contact is no substitution for talking in person.

 

[Deleted member 14177]

Bumping this rather than making a new post as I am feeling this very heavy today. Not sure I will ever find my "place" in this life.

 

[Playlainin]

I've felt these feels. Good luck.

 

[Gnip]

What little practice I had with interpersonal interactions has long since atrophied during this pandemic, and it's spilled out onto each of the sites where I post, sites which have largely gone dormant. I have just spent 12 hours in bed, and left the warmth of my electric blanket reluctantly. I desperately want to be able to obtain the vaccine as soon as possible after it is released so I can resume full preparations to CTB and get out of here.

I expect to be completely alone after that (if I have any awareness at all), but this has been the virtual reality of my life anyway.

Looking back at childhood, fitting in was never my aspiration in school. I never really wanted to play any sports or play in a band, never wanted to hang out with others, I wanted to be alone, walk alone, hike alone, bicycle alone. jog alone, motorcycle alone, fish alone and get left alone.

So long as I do not risk becoming dependent on health care services from others, I can pretty much continue avoiding other people, but the time left for me to be able to do that may be running out.