Venting Am I too nice for this?

[ixkitty]

I already hear the same phrases over and over and over again.
"You need to stand up for yourself."
"Just say 'NO'! "
"Don't let them run over you."
Including many variations of it in some way shape or form, I feel like I've heard it all.
However, here I am still doing the things, getting hurt, and blaming no one but myself because IF I said no, it wouldn't have happened. I've been told I'm a kind soul, a sweet person, a loving and giving heart. I bleed the most inside, I hurt, cry, get angry, and bleed inside.
As someone that slaves away in the Postal Service, I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did. November-now has been 13+ hours every day with no regard for their employees. I haven't had time to write my last notes to my few friends and the family that would actually care. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally tired. I get to listen to the "you can do it" and "It'll be okay" and "you got this" ... not knowing that I, in fact, cannot do it and I will not be okay and I don't got this. All I need is time. That's it. Just enough time to sit, think, and plan.

I feel like I've been planning for well over 10 years. What am I going to do and how am I going to do it? I have DMSO and SN and a ratchet..

I dislike how I ALWAYS take others emotions into account with everything. I hate myself even more for it.. Yes, I hate myself. I'm sweet and kind to everyone but myself. I look in the mirror and see someone who deserves to die. I hate looking into my reflection and I hate the person I see.

I'm not femimine enough for beautiful dresses, I hate make up because it makes me look fake. I'm just exhausted from everything.

Anyway, Thanks for coming to my brain-tedtalk

 

[WornOutLife]

Even though you hate yourself, you're being kind and nice to others! I think that's really a plus for you.
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I bet you have more than a nice quality.
A few days ago I looked at a mirror and said "Okay, time to make a new person out of me."
Why not try something like that?

Anyway, wish you the best and hope you can be at peace.

Hugs and love

 

[Deleted member 22624]

You don't deserve to die. And as someone who helps others so much, it's sad and confusing to me that you say that. I hope you don't let this be your reason, that would be somso sad but I understand your suffering, I'm so sorry. I'm so conflicted but I do know you don't deserve to die at all <3

 

[Intotheflames]

I feel you. Never realized that until someone asked me why I couldn't be as generous to myself as to others, and if I wouldn't say and do the horrible things I said and did to myself to others, why I did that to myself. I still have no answer, maybe that's just the way we are meant to be.

What happen to me was I became a loner, just cut off myself from the external world, be it good or bad. It took sometime to get used to but then I could finally focus on me instead of being pulled in all directions. Maybe it would help you.

 

[Lady black]

I know it's hard to learn cause I made the same mistake. You have to say no if it's not ok, especially to your employer

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I already hear the same phrases over and over and over again.
"You need to stand up for yourself."
"Just say 'NO'! "
"Don't let them run over you."
Including many variations of it in some way shape or form, I feel like I've heard it all.
However, here I am still doing the things, getting hurt, and blaming no one but myself because IF I said no, it wouldn't have happened. I've been told I'm a kind soul, a sweet person, a loving and giving heart. I bleed the most inside, I hurt, cry, get angry, and bleed inside.

In an ideal world you should not have to fight against every antagonistic person that you meet. Instead of putting all of the responsibility on the victims like yourself how about we tell the attackers not to be bad people instead?

Second: you should not blame yourself for getting hurt by others. It does not matter whether or not you stood up to them, because that still does not make their actions okay.

 

[ixkitty]

Even though you hate yourself, you're being kind and nice to others! I think that's really a plus for you.
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I bet you have more than a nice quality.
A few days ago I looked at a mirror and said "Okay, time to make a new person out of me."
Why not try something like that?

Anyway, wish you the best and hope you can be at peace.

Hugs and love

I've never thought about that honestly. Well.. Not for myself anyway..

I feel you. Never realized that until someone asked me why I couldn't be as generous to myself as to others, and if I wouldn't say and do the horrible things I said and did to myself to others, why I did that to myself. I still have no answer, maybe that's just the way we are meant to be.

What happen to me was I became a loner, just cut off myself from the external world, be it good or bad. It took sometime to get used to but then I could finally focus on me instead of being pulled in all directions. Maybe it would help you.

I actually considered being a loner... but .. Well right now I'm just working too many hours so I don't have time. I think if I became a loner by choice maybe?

You don't deserve to die. And as someone who helps others so much, it's sad and confusing to me that you say that. I hope you don't let this be your reason, that would be somso sad but I understand your suffering, I'm so sorry. I'm so conflicted but I do know you don't deserve to die at all <3

It sounds so complicated right ? The kindest hearts suffer the most I suppose

In an ideal world you should not have to fight against every antagonistic person that you meet. Instead of putting all of the responsibility on the victims like yourself how about we tell the attackers not to be bad people instead?

Second: you should not blame yourself for getting hurt by others. It does not matter whether or not you stood up to them, because that still does not make their actions okay.

I appreciate. It would be nice if I didn't have to fight or worry or any of that .

 

[shadowchaser]

I'm like this as well. Some people are more attuned to emotions than others and it really can be exhausting.

I'm sorry I don't have much advice for you. Just that I relate and you're not alone <3 Sending hugs

 

[ixkitty]

I'm like this as well. Some people are more attuned to emotions than others and it really can be exhausting.

I'm sorry I don't have much advice for you. Just that I relate and you're not alone <3 Sending hugs

It's nice to know someone else understands <3 I appreciate it.. you're right, it's quite exhausting in its entirety.