Help am i the asshole?

[ecmnesia]

sorry, I've been quite active on the forum lately, but i can't help it.

i might have a chance to cbt this weekend, and after reaching the decision that despite the possible consequences (how my family will feel included) I still want to do it, I feel at ease, for the first time in a long while I feel in peace, in control of my life. I am scared of course, but I haven't felt this light in forever.

thing is, I was talking to a e-friend I met on this forum, and I informed him of my decision, since we talked a lot about it and all. basically, he discouraged my decision, although he wanted to cbt as well, and I felt like he wasn't really respecting my choice, almost as if I was not on my right mind, or as if, I am not capable of clearly of making such a huge decision. I told him that I did not wish to continue the conversation, as there is nothing he could say that'd make me reconsider. I mean, I appreciate the effort, but I a grown up woman, aware of my reality and capable enough to make my own calls.

He told me that by making this decision I am only letting my past and the people who did me wrong control me, that I am exaggerating, he even suggested that it'd might be due to hormonal unbalance, and insisted that I should look for help, tho I made it clear that I dont want to be helped and get better.

Am I being an asshole here?

Cause I just felt like he completely disregarded my autonomy. I am not used to setting boundaries, so I am not sure, if I am wrong or something.

 

[Meditation guide]

sorry, I've been quite active on the forum lately, but i can't help it.

i might have a chance to cbt this weekend, and after reaching the decision that despite the possible consequences (how my family will feel included) I still want to do it, I feel at ease, for the first time in a long while I feel in peace, in control of my life. I am scared of course, but I haven't felt this light in forever.

thing is, I was talking to a e-friend I met on this forum, and I informed him of my decision, since we talked a lot about it and all. basically, he discouraged my decision, although he wanted to cbt as well, and I felt like he wasn't really respecting my choice, almost as if I was not on my right mind, or as if, I am not capable of clearly of making such a huge decision. I told him that I did not wish to continue the conversation, as there is nothing he could say that'd make me reconsider. I mean, I appreciate the effort, but I a grown up woman, aware of my reality and capable enough to make my own calls.

He told me that by making this decision I am only letting my past and the people who did me wrong control me, that I am exaggerating, he even suggested that it'd might be due to hormonal unbalance, and insisted that I should look for help, tho I made it clear that I dont want to be helped and get better.

Am I being an asshole here?

Cause I just felt like he completely disregarded my autonomy. I am not used to setting boundaries, so I am not sure, if I am wrong or something.

I suspect you were talking to a pro lifer. They are devious. Sorry you had to go through that and be tricked that way. There is a group of them here who pretend.

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable you should block them.

 

[ecmnesia]

I suspect you were talking to a pro lifer. They are devious. Sorry you had to go through that and be tricked that way. There is a group of them here who pretend.

sometimes i have the feeling his a pro-lifer but doesn't even know.

 

[Lordsudbury]

You're not overthinking, or wrong, and def no need to say sorry for being so active on the site, always good to see people not afraid to ask and comment, new people and old, and share the point of the forum. For some of us this place has basically replaced our social lives, and we're all here for the same reason.

No one's being an asshole and you're doing great.

 

[LastWhisper]

Not an asshole at all. Sometimes people aren't really ready for such moments even if they suppose it could be. Just a thought.

 

[demuic]

It sounds like you were not being understood and listened to. You're not in the wrong. He set off some red flags, talking about a hormonal imbalance sounds disrespectful to me..

 

[Meditation guide]

sometimes i have the feeling his a pro-lifer but doesn't even know.

That's possible. Although it's hard to understand anyone being on this forum and still not knowing, still thinking it's ok to talk to people that way.

 

[ecmnesia]

It sounds like you were not being understood and listened to. You're not in the wrong. He set off some red flags, talking about a hormonal imbalance sounds disrespectful to me..

the hormonal thing was definetly the last straw for me. it was as if he was calling me crazy, unstable, hysteric or something...

 

[StringPuppet]

Sounds like he was being very patronizing

 

[ecmnesia]

That's possible. Although it's hard to understand anyone being on this forum and still not knowing, still thinking it's ok to talk to people that way.

it's almost as if he is trying to find some reasons for him to stay, telling me what he desperately wants to believe.

 

[Meditation guide]

the hormonal thing was definetly the last straw for me. it was as if he was calling me crazy, unstable, hysteric or something...

It might have been someone who looks down on women. That definitely sounds like it. It sounds like passive aggressive put downs of you based on your gender. I would have blocked him immediately. It takes a little while of talking to someone before you get those red flags strongly enough to know you should block them.

 

[ecmnesia]

It might have been someone who looks down on women.

yes, I didn't want to say, but as someone mentioned above it was patronizing and quite chauvinistic (not sure thats the term)

 

[Meditation guide]

yes, I didn't want to say, but as someone mentioned above it was patronizing and quite chauvinistic (not sure thats the term)

Misogynist is the word for a women hater.

 

[ecmnesia]

Misogynist is the word for a women hater.

thanks for the clarification. unfortunately, since we've been talking for quite a while, he knows :( i was hoping that maybe he just slipped or something, but i guess I am just trying to justify his behaviour.

 

[Ghost2211]

It sounds like this person is not empathizing with you at all. It's your choice what path you take in life, and that doesn't make you a good or bad person. There is no way for this person to really understand how your hormones effect you, so they were just being an asshole for making that assumption.

You don't need to be sorry for positing often. If you ever need to vent I'll always read, and I like what You add to offtopic. A lot of us post a lot

 

[VivaldiBR]

Maybe he just became fond of you and doesn't want you to do CTB. Its friendship.

 

[Meditation guide]

Maybe he just became fond of you and doesn't want you to do CTB. Its friendship

I didn't get that impression from what she stated. She felt he wasn't respecting her choice. She should always respect her own feelings about someone.

I've had instances of people acting friendly at first who really are not friendly and had an ulterior motive. We look like easy prey to predators.

 

[VivaldiBR]

I didn't get that impression from what she stated. She felt he wasn't respecting her choice. She should always respect her own feelings about someone.

I've had instances of people acting friendly at first who really are not friendly and an ulterior motive. We look like easy prey to predators.

When we get attached to someone it's hard to let go. Depending on the level of the friendship, I would try to persuade, regardless of how hypocritical and selfish this may seem. I know that here on the forum I couldn't do that, but on another platform it would be possible. But I understand the point perfectly.

 

[Meditation guide]

Depending on the level of the friendship, I would try to persuade, regardless of how hypocritical and selfish this may seem.

That seems quite an agenda you have. Thank you for admitting it however. I'm not sure why you would impose your own will on a friend that way. That is not my idea of a friend.

 

[dropdeadfred]

Maybe he just became fond of you and doesn't want you to do CTB. Its friendship.

Possible, but this person clearly does not respect OP's right. There is a difference. I have a buddy on here who I could tell genuinely would miss me & wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision for me, so I still felt supported because they respected my choice, no matter how sad it was for them that our friendship was about to end.

 

[Echo]

I think that the point of being on this site is to respect the choice of others and to have others respect our choices.

It doesn't sound to me like your choice is being respected at all. I'm sorry this has happened.

Maybe he just became fond of you and doesn't want you to do CTB. Its friendship.

I could have possibly agreed with that BUT no... when someone brings hormonal imbalances into it... that is not friendship. That's insulting and i'd lose it.

and to insinuate that OP wasn't capable of making such a big decision? Omygosh i'd be so mad if it were i from that alone-

So no, @ecmnesia you are certainly NOT being an asshole. You've been super tolerant. It's your choice, of course, but if it were i, i would block the man.

 

[VivaldiBR]

It is kind of selfish to think that you can decide someone else's life, but it is also very subjective to think that you are already "ready". Depending on the conversation and the determination, I would only wish good luck. But I'm not trying to convince anyone. I'm trying to be honest, and say that maybe I would do the same, depending on the friendship and the circumstances. But again, I understand the point perfectly.

 

[LastFlowers]

That is not a friend. Not even in the slightest. What in the actual fuck. I am wondering what you guys connected with over in the first place, and if this was a sudden departure from the normal opinions expressed in your conversations?

Does this person see you as more than a friend or was this some type of two faced agenda from the beginning? Because either way their response goes way too far to be explained by a regretful future loss of a friend. How bizarre.

 

[shay23]

I think when you make online friends here it is sad to see them go, they will probably miss you or feel some sort of guilt if they agree with your decision.

 

[Meditation guide]

I am wondering what you guys connected with over in the first place,

Some put on a mask at first that slips away gradually.

We can see some who don't quite get it in this thread.

 

[StringPuppet]

When we get attached to someone it's hard to let go. Depending on the level of the friendship, I would try to persuade, regardless of how hypocritical and selfish this may seem. I know that here on the forum I couldn't do that, but on another platform it would be possible. But I understand the point perfectly.

There's certainly a better way to go about it than op's friend did

 

[LastFlowers]

It sounds like this person is not empathizing with you at all. It's your choice what path you take in life, and that doesn't make you a good or bad person. There is no way for this person to really understand how your hormones effect you, so they were just being an asshole for making that assumption.

You don't need to be sorry for positing often. If you ever need to vent I'll always read, and I like what You add to offtopic. A lot of us post a lot ❤

I agree.

If anyone's hormones are getting in the way, it's his.

 

[Echo]

It is kind of selfish to think that you can decide someone else's life, but it is also very subjective to think that you are already "ready". Depending on the conversation and the determination, I would only wish good luck. But I'm not trying to convince anyone. I'm trying to be honest, and say that maybe I would do the same, depending on the friendship and the circumstances. But again, I understand the point perfectly.

Was this in response to me? I wouldn't ever decide someone else's life- i just have a strong opinion.

I stated it is OP's choice, as everything always is. I didn't mean for it to come across any other way.

My background is one of years of abuse- and being told i was hysterical or hormonal and thus not thinking straight was used against me often. It's a bit of a trigger for me.

I apologize if anything other than it being OP's choice came across.

 

[VivaldiBR]

There's certainly a better way to go about it than op's friend did

Certainly. You can't be arrogant or misogynistic.

 

[Meditation guide]

It's sad and demoralizing to think you have made a friend who turns out this way. It's horrible. We are sitting ducks for these types, who see us as inferior and needing their guidance and correction.

People are asserting their feelings of superiority when they do this.