Venting Am I the asshole

[Bassem]

I was talking to an online friend of mine and I asked him if I could vent because I've got no one in my life I could vent to about being suicidal and I was really going through it at the time but he ignored me for a few hours, after I had a breakdown and cut myself I sent him a photo of my cut arms (I don't really know why it was both a cry for help and an impulsive dumb thing to do) and he responded by saying keep it to yourself. I understand it was inconsiderate to send him something like that but isn't his reaction inconsiderate as well when he knows I've got no one else to talk to?

 

[tsykoais]

I was talking to an online friend of mine and I asked him if I could vent because I've got no one in my life I could vent to about being suicidal and I was really going through it at the time but he ignored me for a few hours, after I had a breakdown and cut myself I sent him a photo of my cut arms (I don't really know why it was both a cry for help and an impulsive dumb thing to do) and he responded by saying keep it to yourself. I understand it was inconsiderate to send him something like that but isn't his reaction inconsiderate as well when he knows I've got no one else to talk to?

i get how that could make someone, especially a normal person feel uncomfortable because they don't really understand what it's like but at the same time you shouldn't go to hard on yourself because you felt that he was the one you could share things like that with.

 

[dimstar]

I think everyones an asshole. You, me everyone has it. Once sent a sh pic. I regretted it pretty sure they didnt feel good about the situation but also how they reacted we both regretted. Theres nothing that can be done about it, were all inherently human and assholes. Try to avoid it in the future and dont blame them or yourself for what happened. No one is going to pull you from something like that but you. Its instinct to reach out but I'd say fight that urge, unless your seeking help from a professional even then be careful.

 

[Bassem]

I think everyones an asshole. You, me everyone has it. Once sent a sh pic. I regretted it pretty sure they didnt feel good about the situation but also how they reacted we both regretted. Theres nothing that can be done about it, were all inherently human and assholes. Try to avoid it in the future and dont blame them or yourself for what happened. No one is going to pull you from something like that but you. Its instinct to reach out but I'd say fight that urge, unless your seeking help from a professional even then be careful.

I really really wish I could reach out to a professional but I've had a really bad experience with my previous therapist and now I think all of the therapists in my country at least are leeches (if it works for you that's great but in my experience it was dogshit)

 

[dimstar]

I really really wish I could reach out to a professional but I've had a really bad experience with my previous therapist and now I think all of the therapists in my country at least are leeches (if it works for you that's great but in my experience it was dogshit)

Yeah my personal opinion too, tried a few. If that's the case then ask why a friend with no experience could help? It never helped me just the same only made those friendships harder. Nothing wrong with slipping through cracks every now and again but I guess we just deal with it ourselves then right.

 

[Bassem]

Yeah my personal opinion too, tried a few. If that's the case then ask why a friend with no experience could help? It never helped me just the same only made those friendships harder. Nothing wrong with slipping through cracks every now and again but I guess we just deal with it ourselves then right.

I want to be able to deal with it on my own but it's not working plus I've been suffering on my own for 3 years now and I'm really tired of having no one to talk to about this stuff I feel invisible

 

[dimstar]

I want to be able to deal with it on my own but it's not working plus I've been suffering on my own for 3 years now and I'm really tired of having no one to talk to about this stuff I feel invisible

I'm sorry it's hard to deal with. I encourage you to vent here and reach out to people in dms when your comfortable. Were not experts just people struggling too, but alot of people can relate, listen and tell you their experiences. My advice take it as you want just a stranger. Be careful mixing friendships and therapist/mental health. Sorry if I wasnt helpful or discouraging.

 

[Bassem]

I'm sorry it's hard to deal with. I encourage you to vent here and reach out to people in dms when your comfortable. Were not experts just people struggling too, but alot of people can relate, listen and tell you their experiences. My advice take it as you want just a stranger. Be careful mixing friendships and therapist/mental health. Sorry if I wasnt helpful or discouraging.

thanks for taking the time to respond means a lot

 

[goodbye_._]

It was really inconsiderate to send a sh picture to your friend. It was also very inconsiderate of your friend to respond that way. I think your both are in the wrong. Don't beat yourself up over it but try not to do it again and talk about how you feel with your friend even if they may not understand. Communication is really important and then they could talk about how they feel you know.

 

[RW__Asher23]

You do have someone else to talk to , here us. But I get how you feel also. I had similar experience but different situation but try not be hard on yourself. No, you are NOT the asshole. You did nothing wrong if this person is supposed to be real friend but again they don't get it. Yeah maybe it was a call for help but being cold to you I thought was not good thing for a friend to do also. So sorry. But you are here so we listen. Peace.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

You're not an asshole, but venting to normies about wanting to CTB is a nonstarter. They cannot nor ever will be able to see things from our perspective.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that it's not worth opening up about your suffering to people like that in the first place, you cannot rely on other people and many won't even try to understand, they are too self centred to ever care. Sadly it's just the way that people are.

 

[uniqueusername39]

This is why I think people who say "Reach out for help!!" should shut their fucking gobs. This is what happens when you reach out. It's happened to me too. I'm sorry it happened to you.

 

[stermc]

You are not the asshole. I mean, the fact that he didn't respond immediately is not an asshole move if he was busy or something, but if he ignored it, he is an asshole.

Sending the sh pic is not the best move, but I get why you did it and I don't think you are an asshole for doing it, just reconsider it the next time, even if he is suicidal.

I do think that opening up to someone who is not suicidal and etc is harder, but if he is your friend, I am sure he is going to make his best efforts to try to understand you and, even if he doesn't understand, he is going to care about you and do his best to be there for you.

I have had suicidal friends who didn't care; non suicidal friends who didn't care; now I just maintain in my life people who do care about me, whether they understand me or not. I have friends who have never had intimate contact with suicidal people before, and at first they were a little shocked with me, but with time they became the best friends I could possibly have.

So choose the people you are going to have in your life; trust me, they are not going to necessarily understand what you go through and they might not be suicidal or damaged in some way, but they will care. That's what real friends do. Not the easiest people to find, but it's possible and it's worth it.

And "keep it to yourself"? Sorry, but fuck him. He shouldn't even have talked about the picture, he should have showed you he cares.

Anyways, don't blame yourself for shitty people's actions.
And if you need to vent, you can pm me anytime.

 

[OceanBlue]

I agree with what dimstar said here.

It can come across as manipulative, trauma dumping - could be too heavy to process, especially if it happens often. If someone constantly did that to me, it would feel like pressure for emotional labour and I'd resent it. Especially with the SH photo.. That's why some normies call the authorities and get called 'traitors'.

I've also done this before and try to do it less. It's almost like using other people to take the edge off, but the relief is temporary as it does not heal the cause of your anxiety.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

What do you think you would have liked the response to be, in an ideal scenario?

 

[Bassem]

What do you think you would have liked the response to be, in an ideal scenario?

Any semblance of human empathy or a "how are you doing buddy, You wanna talk?"

 

[violetchiwawa]

Any semblance of human empathy or a "how are you doing buddy, You wanna talk?"

You're totally right. He should've treated your suffering with much more grace and concern. I t seems obvious from what you've written that he doesn't care, unfortunately. But please remember some people are greatly triggered by SH pictures. It's typically extremely inappropriate to send such a private thing to someone, unless they're family, which you can then simply confess and ask for help without showing pictures.

This is said a lot but truly getting a therapist would help you the most. You can be almost completely honest with them with little judgement and they work in favor of your happiness and recovery. Your friend does not have the qualifications to help you, especially as he seems so rude and indifferent.

I should warn you though that if you live in the US, there are certain states like Florida that will send you to a mental hospital if you tell your therapist you're planning to harm yourself. This can be a very uncomfortable environment to live in which may worsen your condition. I hope this helps.

 

[Bassem]

You're totally right. He should've treated your suffering with much more grace and concern. I t seems obvious from what you've written that he doesn't care, unfortunately. But please remember some people are greatly triggered by SH pictures. It's typically extremely inappropriate to send such a private thing to someone, unless they're family, which you can then simply confess and ask for help without showing pictures.

This is said a lot but truly getting a therapist would help you the most. You can be almost completely honest with them with little judgement and they work in favor of your happiness and recovery. Your friend does not have the qualifications to help you, especially as he seems so rude and indifferent.

I should warn you though that if you live in the US, there are certain states like Florida that will send you to a mental hospital if you tell your therapist you're planning to harm yourself. This can be a very uncomfortable environment to live in which may worsen your condition. I hope this helps.

I've tried therapy , For months and it really wasn't worth it (please if anyone's considering therapy or is currently going through therapy don't let this discourage you it's just my personal experience) so , Story time: I live in bum fuck Egypt (pretty religious country) I've been depressed since I was 15 (18 now) and I did therapy for about 9 months the first 3 months were ok I'd say , it was nice talking to someone and saying whatever was on my mind and the medication was working somewhat and I was getting better although as more time passed I found that I've been getting lonelier , And that the medication hasn't been working as much ,and that I'd been getting more and more depressed and as more time passed I found that my therapist has basically been regurgitating the same stuff over and over and basically just telling me to become more religious as that'd fix everything,everytime it'd become more and more of a lecture on why I'm depressed because I'm not religious and one time after I tried to od (it did nothing as it was a pretty weak antidepressant and I didn't know how drug potency worked) she called me a liar and said that I didn't really do it. I then stopped going as I found it useless, I don't pay money to get lectured on religion, That and I just grew bitter towards therapy as a whole (ludicrous charges for minimal time, very long waiting lists, No phone consultations and shitty fucking therapy) so yeah I don't really like the practice over here at least

 

[justastranger]

Don't stay hooked up on it, you did it, and it's done. I guess if they weren't expecting it they would be kind of traumatized from seeing it, but don't blame them or yourself for it

 

[unnormal9]

In this case, that was an unsolicited photo to send to him. Others outside of this site find 'talking and self-harm and suicide very uncomfortable and off-putting; in most places people are going to shy away.' It is why suicide is such a taboo subject to begin with. I have had this happen to me as well—with Ryan. I was fortunate for him to have told that too, so it doesn't happen again.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

See this is why you only sent dick picks

 

[BloatedGloater]

It was an impulsive and inconsiderate move to send SH pics to someone who didn't consent to that. You don't know if your friend is also suffering and that triggered him in which case his reply can be justified, self preservation on his part at the expense of being dismissive to you.
Maybe this person is sensitive to blood or violent/bloody images, in which case you caused direct discomfort and maybe even physical discomfort by crossing that line.

The fact that he didn't answer the first message can be due to a multitude of reasons, but sending SH pics is going to come across as attention seeking, potentially needy and clingy.
I know how awful you feel and I too made the mistake of trying to talk to people about it, but I realized quickly that it's always better to talk to strangers, anonymously, online where everyone consents to the material being shared than it is to word vomit or overshare with a friend.

If you do care about this person my move woukd be to apologize for the pictures, say you were in a vulnerable place and try to move on. If you don't want to forgive the person for their dismissiveness towards your pain, you could ofc cut the person out of your live.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but yta in this case. I'm sorry for how blunt this reply is, I have aspergers so I'm not the best at conveying tone through text but this isn't meant to be hurtful

 

[Meretricious]

I really really wish I could reach out to a professional but I've had a really bad experience with my previous therapist and now I think all of the therapists in my country at least are leeches (if it works for you that's great but in my experience it was dogshit)

If you have to pay someone to care, it's already too late.

Just the very idea of therapy is almost comical. Why do I need a therapist if I have friends and family? Isn't that what those "close knit bonds" are for? If I have community, I don't need to reach out to the "free market" (that's regulated, therefore, not free) to find some "professional" to tell me how to deal with problems they've never faced themselves.

I once asked a therapist if they would still care about me if I weren't paying them. Silence.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

Any semblance of human empathy or a "how are you doing buddy, You wanna talk?"

Yeah it's pretty cold to not even check how you are. I expect it was a shock and he didn't know how to deal with it but even if he wasn't happy about receiving it, you would expect some form of concern.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Eh, I'm gonna go against the grain and say you're more of the AH then he was but I do agree that both of you are wrong. I recently had an argument with a friend over repeatedly sending SH pictures because I don't want to see it. But he also responded really harshly, and could've handled it better, and with more empathy, especially if this is the first time you've done it. I don't think you should've sent the photo, and I don't think he should've responded with a lack of empathy.

 

[Bassem]

Just to clear some things , It was my first time sending stuff like that to him and he said he was desensetised to it but I should keep it to myself anyway, Also I'm not really that close to him so I kinda blocked him after that

 

[charlotte_]

Yes you are, and your friend is too. I know it is very hurtful to be ignored that way when you're going through horrible things, I don't justify that in any ways. However you still shouldn't send those things. It may be very disturbing to not just him, but many others. I would tell you to apologize for that and also explain to him why his actions are hurtful to you, but since he's already blocked I just hope you take control of your impulse better in the future

 

[violetchiwawa]

I've tried therapy , For months and it really wasn't worth it (please if anyone's considering therapy or is currently going through therapy don't let this discourage you it's just my personal experience) so , Story time: I live in bum fuck Egypt (pretty religious country) I've been depressed since I was 15 (18 now) and I did therapy for about 9 months the first 3 months were ok I'd say , it was nice talking to someone and saying whatever was on my mind and the medication was working somewhat and I was getting better although as more time passed I found that I've been getting lonelier , And that the medication hasn't been working as much ,and that I'd been getting more and more depressed and as more time passed I found that my therapist has basically been regurgitating the same stuff over and over and basically just telling me to become more religious as that'd fix everything,everytime it'd become more and more of a lecture on why I'm depressed because I'm not religious and one time after I tried to od (it did nothing as it was a pretty weak antidepressant and I didn't know how drug potency worked) she called me a liar and said that I didn't really do it. I then stopped going as I found it useless, I don't pay money to get lectured on religion, That and I just grew bitter towards therapy as a whole (ludicrous charges for minimal time, very long waiting lists, No phone consultations and shitty fucking therapy) so yeah I don't really like the practice over here at least

As a former Christian, now atheist this hits hard. Christianity and religion in general is the antithesis of genuine scientific progress. I'm really sorry about this experience. I was lucky enough to have a secular therapist but I must agree that they tend to regurgitate sentiments. I'm really sorry I still hope the best for you