Venting Am i stupid for wanting to CTB over my dog

[RandomGirl52]

My main reason for wanting to CTB is over my dog, my family got him when i was just a few months old, we were the same age and best friends all throughout my childhood, always playing together and hanging out
1 and a half years ago he started randomly bleeding everywhere, he couldn't control his bowls and cold no longer jump or move very easily. my dad took him to the vet and told everyone that it was just due to allergys causing itchy bumps on his stomach and we just had to give him some medicine every day. i still remember on my birthday (and his) before i left the house i saw him sleeping in the living room, i told him happy birthday and gave him his favorite treat, he bearly even moved or looked at me, he started heaving every time he took a breath and exactly 4 days after our birthday he passed away

i just cant take it anymore i want my dog back i miss him so much. i keep hearing his paws click on the ground as he walks around, i can hear him sigh as he lays down to sleep half laying in my closet because i wouldnt turn my lights off and i still have dreams with him in them every single day i just want to see him again even just for a few seconds i want to see him again

what really made me want to CTB more then anything was that about 2 weeks again my brother and my dad were yelling at eachother again, my brother dicided to tell my dad every single thing that ive done wrong that he has covered me for, my brother kept yelling that he wanted to put spot down and the entire time i was around the corner hearing all the awful things they were saying about me and my dog and finally my dad told my brother that spot had cancer and the spots on his stomach were tumors
he lied to me about my dog the entire time, my brother threw me over the bus and now it would just be better for everyone if i was dead
i get to see m dog again and they dont have to deal with me anymore
every time i try to covince myself not to do it all i can think about is my dog

sorry this turned into a rant, i recently randomly got a tiktok about a dog dying and it reminded me of spot and i couldent take it anymore and had another breakdown, thanks for reading

 

[WanderingGypsy]

The death of a pet is a HUGE loss! Animals are so much better than most people! They're there for us when we need them and they provide unconditional love! Just know your grief is real and is ok!
Sending you a big hug!

 

[_Maya]

My main reason for wanting to CTB is over my dog, my family got him when i was just a few months old, we were the same age and best friends all throughout my childhood, always playing together and hanging out
1 and a half years ago he started randomly bleeding everywhere, he couldn't control his bowls and cold no longer jump or move very easily. my dad took him to the vet and told everyone that it was just due to allergys causing itchy bumps on his stomach and we just had to give him some medicine every day. i still remember on my birthday (and his) before i left the house i saw him sleeping in the living room, i told him happy birthday and gave him his favorite treat, he bearly even moved or looked at me, he started heaving every time he took a breath and exactly 4 days after our birthday he passed away

i just cant take it anymore i want my dog back i miss him so much. i keep hearing his paws click on the ground as he walks around, i can hear him sigh as he lays down to sleep half laying in my closet because i wouldnt turn my lights off and i still have dreams with him in them every single day i just want to see him again even just for a few seconds i want to see him again

what really made me want to CTB more then anything was that about 2 weeks again my brother and my dad were yelling at eachother again, my brother dicided to tell my dad every single thing that ive done wrong that he has covered me for, my brother kept yelling that he wanted to put spot down and the entire time i was around the corner hearing all the awful things they were saying about me and my dog and finally my dad told my brother that spot had cancer and the spots on his stomach were tumors
he lied to me about my dog the entire time, my brother threw me over the bus and now it would just be better for everyone if i was dead
i get to see m dog again and they dont have to deal with me anymore
every time i try to covince myself not to do it all i can think about is my dog

sorry this turned into a rant, i recently randomly got a tiktok about a dog dying and it reminded me of spot and i couldent take it anymore and had another breakdown, thanks for reading

You had an emotional connection to your dog, Your family treats you like crap, there's nothing wrong with your reasoning to ctb. Although not an animal, i still miss my grandma dearly as she was one of the few people to make me feel genuinely loved, and i want to ctb because of her death.

 

[RiverOfLife]

No! Pets are family!

 

[sickDog420]

you're stupid for using tiktok not for wanting to ctb over your losing lifelong friend

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Lying to you about such a thing is very cruel, sounds like you just need to escape from your current situation

 

[shrizoid]

My main reason for wanting to CTB is over my dog, my family got him when i was just a few months old, we were the same age and best friends all throughout my childhood, always playing together and hanging out
1 and a half years ago he started randomly bleeding everywhere, he couldn't control his bowls and cold no longer jump or move very easily. my dad took him to the vet and told everyone that it was just due to allergys causing itchy bumps on his stomach and we just had to give him some medicine every day. i still remember on my birthday (and his) before i left the house i saw him sleeping in the living room, i told him happy birthday and gave him his favorite treat, he bearly even moved or looked at me, he started heaving every time he took a breath and exactly 4 days after our birthday he passed away

i just cant take it anymore i want my dog back i miss him so much. i keep hearing his paws click on the ground as he walks around, i can hear him sigh as he lays down to sleep half laying in my closet because i wouldnt turn my lights off and i still have dreams with him in them every single day i just want to see him again even just for a few seconds i want to see him again

what really made me want to CTB more then anything was that about 2 weeks again my brother and my dad were yelling at eachother again, my brother dicided to tell my dad every single thing that ive done wrong that he has covered me for, my brother kept yelling that he wanted to put spot down and the entire time i was around the corner hearing all the awful things they were saying about me and my dog and finally my dad told my brother that spot had cancer and the spots on his stomach were tumors
he lied to me about my dog the entire time, my brother threw me over the bus and now it would just be better for everyone if i was dead
i get to see m dog again and they dont have to deal with me anymore
every time i try to covince myself not to do it all i can think about is my dog

sorry this turned into a rant, i recently randomly got a tiktok about a dog dying and it reminded me of spot and i couldent take it anymore and had another breakdown, thanks for reading

I don't think so, this dog was something extremely dear to you, its your life to make choices with and if you really can't or just don't have any reason to live on then so bit it, its your choice, its what you desire

 

[Manfrotto99]

Not at all, I totally get you. My dog passed away some time early last year. I've lost track of time since. It's been a blur. I still cry every single day. I just want to be with her and not with my abusive family who don't give a toss about me. Thing is it hurts so deeply, a lot more than for most people because like you, my family are abusive liers and manipulators.

She was the one who was always there for me, when they weren't. She made me feel like I belonged. We needed one another. She was my family. She gave me strength to endure all the crap they dished out. I never felt really alone when she was near. All I had to do was give her a hung and she was happy. I had a dog before and she helped me to get over the loss, though it was hard. Because of my family I always felt very insecure and having a dog helped me feel safe. It is what I need. She understood my pain. She turned the house into a home for me. She did silly things and made me laugh. She loved it when I spoke to her in baby talk. She was reliable when my family were utterly unpredictable. She taught me unconditional love while every thing about them was serious, depressing and strictly based on conditions to please them.

She was my soul mate. Her job was to keep me alive and safe and she did it with such loyalty. But my mother who wanted a dog too, has also passed away and my father and his golden child daughter will not let me have another dog. They enjoy seeing me suffer and being on my own as it makes them feel even more powerful. It was very traumatic seeing my dog die of cancer and having no sympathy at all from my family was truly heart breaking. I hope your family are not as bad as mine and if they are I really hope you can get out somehow as they do not deserve you.

 

[DoMore]

Please don't CTB over this, I know the grief is real, I'm a dog owner and grew up with dogs. In many ways the grief can be worse, pets will never do you wrong, they'll never shun you or hurt you, intentionally or otherwise, but I don't think that your dad was trying to hurt you by lying to you either. Things can be said in an argument, sometimes horrible things, and even worse when you overhear things that weren't meant for your ears. It's not stupid to feel this way, I just think that it'll be a huge loss if you went through with this rather than seeking counselling, the pain won't go away, but hopefully the pain of loss will become less than the joy of life, and if the opposite is true then I guess CTB will be your natural conclusion, but maybe just give life another shot first? I know it's rich of me to say that on this forum, but emotions cloud our judgement all too easily.

 

[needthebus]

My main reason for wanting to CTB is over my dog, my family got him when i was just a few months old, we were the same age and best friends all throughout my childhood, always playing together and hanging out
1 and a half years ago he started randomly bleeding everywhere, he couldn't control his bowls and cold no longer jump or move very easily. my dad took him to the vet and told everyone that it was just due to allergys causing itchy bumps on his stomach and we just had to give him some medicine every day. i still remember on my birthday (and his) before i left the house i saw him sleeping in the living room, i told him happy birthday and gave him his favorite treat, he bearly even moved or looked at me, he started heaving every time he took a breath and exactly 4 days after our birthday he passed away

i just cant take it anymore i want my dog back i miss him so much. i keep hearing his paws click on the ground as he walks around, i can hear him sigh as he lays down to sleep half laying in my closet because i wouldnt turn my lights off and i still have dreams with him in them every single day i just want to see him again even just for a few seconds i want to see him again

what really made me want to CTB more then anything was that about 2 weeks again my brother and my dad were yelling at eachother again, my brother dicided to tell my dad every single thing that ive done wrong that he has covered me for, my brother kept yelling that he wanted to put spot down and the entire time i was around the corner hearing all the awful things they were saying about me and my dog and finally my dad told my brother that spot had cancer and the spots on his stomach were tumors
he lied to me about my dog the entire time, my brother threw me over the bus and now it would just be better for everyone if i was dead
i get to see m dog again and they dont have to deal with me anymore
every time i try to covince myself not to do it all i can think about is my dog

sorry this turned into a rant, i recently randomly got a tiktok about a dog dying and it reminded me of spot and i couldent take it anymore and had another breakdown, thanks for reading

that sounds so awful, i am so sorry. losing my dog was one of the most awful things to ever happen to me. it's normal to feel this bad.

the yelling and fighting is just something that makes it worse

so sorry

 

[unworthy_]

I have a pet who is still with me thankfully. She has cancer since Mac 2024. My vet said there is no treatment and meds for her. I tried my best to keep her comfortable by supplements and diet. I take care of her on a daily basis for few hours a day..
She is still with me but I know I am counting days until she passes....
Grief is real no matter human or animals. We have a special bond with them...