Am I selfish?

[sindra]

After some responses on my venting post I consider completely ignoring the person that has been nice to me and everyone around the whole time.

For context, I'm currently in college and there is this girl that is friends with basically everyone, she's nice and always compliments people, I fell in love with her but after some failed attempts to get with her I'm stuck between 2 choices; continue trying or ignore her until the end of times
She is the only person I met in my entire life that I would want to spend my life with, never had this feeling before, I really wish to keep going but it brings me struggle, the amount of SH throughout the year has been increasing because I couldn't get her off my mind.

It's not as bad anymore so now I'm left with the 2 choices I mentioned before, I could keep trying to get with her which could result in even more struggle or I could cut her off completely, I'm tired of failing so I'm favoring the second option. One of the reasons I don't want to keep trying is I don't want to get to the point where I'm ready to take my own life.

Now I feel selfish, cutting her off just to make myself feel better, she doesn't deserve it but I'm tired of everything, my mental health is getting worse every time I have a thought about her.
Love is such a weird thing, I'm starting to believe it brings more negative than positive things.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Or you could just accept the fact that she isn't interested in you and just be friends with her?

 

[sindra]

Or you could just accept the fact that she isn't interested in you and just be friends with her?

I wish I could do that, there was a time where I decided to let go and be friends with her but like I mentioned before every thought about her is bringing me pain that is becoming unbearable. She used to be interested in me and my mindset is if she was ever interested in me it is possible that it can happen again, I'm afraid that it won't happen and will result in even more pain. I really see only 2 choices, if there is something better enlighten me because I'm tired of all of this.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

You probably don't want to hear this, but there is no easy around this. Unrequited love is brutal and magnified even more when it involves limerance, which is what I think you are experiencing.

What I can tell you is this. Whether she likes you or not, or has any chance of ever reciprocating the feeling, being infatuated with her defintely won't help make it happen. You have to disappear from her life. And if she reaches out to you, you have to appear to be preoccupied. Don't make yourself so available. Make her work for your attention otherwise she will just take it for granted. That will just land you in the friend zone. If she doesn't reach out to you...well....

People here will suggest just trying to be her friend like it's that simple. I think in your case that would be much easier said than done. It will only frustrate you even more. It's a sad truth, but it is the truth.

If the infatuation and uninterrupted thoughts continue to persist, try to hone in on any qualities about her that you DON'T like if possible. You might have to really take a closer look to be able to do this. Also think to yourself it would truly work if you both somehow got together. At least this is what has helped me in the past.

Good luck.I hope you get through this soon.

 

[smvrtsa]

you're not selfish for taking care of your own emotional needs. think of yourself and your own heart first. what do /you/ need in this moment? forget if it's "selfish" or if it will hurt her. she doesn't deserve your consideration.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I wish I could do that, there was a time where I decided to let go and be friends with her but like I mentioned before every thought about her is bringing me pain that is becoming unbearable. She used to be interested in me and my mindset is if she was ever interested in me it is possible that it can happen again, I'm afraid that it won't happen and will result in even more pain. I really see only 2 choices, if there is something better enlighten me because I'm tired of all of this.

The I guess just don't bother being friends with her and end the relationship.

 

[Truthseeker70]

Do what is best for you, and move on. You said she's the only one you ever felt like spending your life with, but you are young. It may not feel like it now, but you will meet others.

 

[derpyderpins]

After some responses on my venting post I consider completely ignoring the person that has been nice to me and everyone around the whole time.

For context, I'm currently in college and there is this girl that is friends with basically everyone, she's nice and always compliments people, I fell in love with her but after some failed attempts to get with her I'm stuck between 2 choices; continue trying or ignore her until the end of times
She is the only person I met in my entire life that I would want to spend my life with, never had this feeling before, I really wish to keep going but it brings me struggle, the amount of SH throughout the year has been increasing because I couldn't get her off my mind.

It's not as bad anymore so now I'm left with the 2 choices I mentioned before, I could keep trying to get with her which could result in even more struggle or I could cut her off completely, I'm tired of failing so I'm favoring the second option. One of the reasons I don't want to keep trying is I don't want to get to the point where I'm ready to take my own life.

Now I feel selfish, cutting her off just to make myself feel better, she doesn't deserve it but I'm tired of everything, my mental health is getting worse every time I have a thought about her.
Love is such a weird thing, I'm starting to believe it brings more negative than positive things.

Once she's decided she's into someone other than you it's almost always over. First impressions are a thing. Hollywood is a lie. We're base animals and you can't really win someone over once they've soured to the idea of dating you.

It's going to take time now that you are feeling limerence. There's no easy cure. Lots of time. The more you subject yourself to rejection and being ignored the stronger the feelings will get.

 

[LostinTime24]

Been in a similar spot, a girl will make it perfectly clear if she wants to be with you. I think you want something you may never have. Last year I didn't take the hint and it hurt me bad. I think it's best to either be friends with her and time will tell or cut off contact.