Venting Am I selfish if I decide to leave now?

[Sigurd Bonehill]

I have a good job and make a good salary but I've got crazy physical and mental health problems.

My plan is to stick around for another year or two and save as much money as I can to leave for my mother and little sister so that my 22 years of life haven't been in vain but the pain and suffering from this life is simply too much. I've got my method ready to go whenever I want.

ctb is literally all I can think of, suicide is the only thing that makes me happy these days but I feel extremely selfish leaving now when I could work my ass off for a bit and leave them a fair amount of cash before I end my life.

 

[Trashcan]

You're not selfish. It sounds like you're trying to be as considerate as possible to other people.

 

[Herbalpompano75]

Just do whatever will make you feel better I know all I can think about is either my ex that cheated and her fucking that douche and a billion other reasons or just think of killing myself and I had my rifle in my mouth round in the chamber safety off I was ready to go Sunday night but I'm just scared of what I'll do to the very few people that actually care and they care a lot and I'm scared the pain won't go away I'm scared there will be a after life and I'll feel the same as when I died but I stopped myself I called my cousin and I forced myself to stay at there house until I fly out to my uncles for the rest of the month cause I can't just leave I have so much shit I need to get done and I'm in debt a little and my boss we are just getting good we are about to buy a building which means more hours more money I'm doing fine in life but I'm just not happy it's not what makes me happy and jesa was the only thing holding me here but now she's gone and hates me she said it Sunday she wants him not me even after all I did for her and I was begging her to stay to work things out but she hates me and all I can do is think about her and then fucking and kissing and getting to do everything I wanted is it selfish honestly I don't think so people understand your hurting but they will never know the feeling your feeling and if you believe that ending it will take the pain away then do it but if there is something here in this pathetic fucking world that'll help you push on a little longer that'll ease the pain just a little at a time then I think your family would love to have you stay but again it's your right and when your in pain and you got nothing else and believe that'll end it then I'm not going to stop you I want you and everyone else to do what will make them fill better and so they can be happy it's not selfish not one bit to end the pain that your suffering

 

[Ampsvx123]

Nothing selfish in leaving especially as it is your mother who brought you to this ugly world. This said if you still have the strenght to do good, push yourself and stand for what is right, make people around as happy as you can, if there is karma and that we cannot cease ourself to exist, to be reincarnated, to have life forced upon oneself, than the next worlds can only get prettier.

 

[Tyuiop]

You don't sound selfish, but the one thing about your situation is that in your last moments you might end up feeling guilt and regret because you didnt do what you wanted... My recommendation for you is to wait until you are sure you wont feel guilty about ctb. Of course you can ctb if you cant handle it anymore, but it sounds like you still can. You will know yourself when it is the right time, it can take months and it can take years, but be sure you are fully ready for it and have no doubt or regret.

 

[RememberWhatUCameFor]

not selfish and and i get the impression the possibility that you actually will ctb is quite low

best of luck

 

[Paulsmith]

No you are not selfish

 

[Watson]

Society has created this stigma that places blame on the suicidal.
It comes so natural to victim blame—

"They are so selfish!"
"How could they do that?"
"How could they not see they have so much to live for!?"

It's the equivalent to the rape victim—

"X is a whore!"
"X wanted it!"
"X wore that thing and asked for it!"

Etc.

No one will ever truly ever understand just how fucked up everyone else is and how every person's threshold varies; but everyone likes to believe that everything is so god damn peachy all the god damn time.

Don't feel selfish for taking control of your life whether is be through living or through death.

And you just asking your question shows you aren't selfish— You're being very considerate.

 

[TAW122]

You're not selfish at all, and in fact, you are selfless for thinking about your family and even going as far as to help improve their lives and lessen the blow that your (future) death may have on them. I would say to live your life the way you want to while you are around and when you decide you truly had enough, then you can quietly ctb (I say quietly as you want to minimize the impact on your family when you go through with ctb'ing).

 

[tevati]

Do you even think you can do that with your health problems? It's up on you. The end it doesn't really matter once you are gone.

 

[b4sun]

No you're not selfish at all , atleast you plan to leave something behind for your family sake.
but when its the time , make sure you make a list of what to do , like people you want to meet , all say to.

 

[Jodes]

I have a good job and make a good salary but I've got crazy physical and mental health problems.

My plan is to stick around for another year or two and save as much money as I can to leave for my mother and little sister so that my 22 years of life haven't been in vain but the pain and suffering from this life is simply too much. I've got my method ready to go whenever I want.

ctb is literally all I can think of, suicide is the only thing that makes me happy these days but I feel extremely selfish leaving now when I could work my ass off for a bit and leave them a fair amount of cash before I end my life.

Same. Maybe find peace by talking to them? Oiw would they feel/reaft/cope?
You are going through immense suffering. If you describe it tactfully, you might lessen your guilt because they'll be happy for your not suffering?

 

[Euryale]

If you're here to vent then we're here for you. But for now survive abit longer. It's not selfish for being concerned about your family once you're gone but at least let them have some closure. Something that would not let them think that you died because you owe them