Am I selfish for not caring about how will my peers/family will feel if I kill myself?

[Nothing87]

I don't really care about what will happens to my friends/family if I kill myself and I am not even planning on leaving a note/letter to them because I've been suffering from this painful life for years alone and no one to talk to because nobody gives a shit anyway. I am just waiting for a right time to kill myself and I don't want to have a consciousness anymore... I don't want to live for the sake of people using me just for their happiness. I really wanna end this pain because it hurts so much...

 

[devils~advocate]

Everyone has their own reasons & how they feel about others in their lives. Your experience is your own & no one can really fully understand that.
I know some have hard feelings with family members and I get that. Its not part of my life experience, but I sympathize. I know others that have had a difficult time with family and they never really got over it or got closure.
So you feel what you feel...you have reasons for it that we can never really know all about.

 

[holdont1llmay]

I feel like most people don't express their care till you're gone, but you're not supposed to live on the account of others but for yourself ; at least in my mind it doesn't matter about other people and their feelings, it's not a matter of selfishness I do care about you stranger so I hope you feel better

 

[Evelyn Lane]

You don't owe anything to anyone.

 

[Light_]

No.

 

[endofline2010]

You don't owe anything to anyone.

I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. For example, I have one family member still alive who basically raised me, and has always been there for me. I also have a life-long friend who we have always been there for one another, through the hardest times in both our lives.

Blanket statements like this don't really capture the nuance of life. I'm sure there are people who truly don't owe anyone anything, but that's not always the case.

Regardless of that, I will say, no one owes staying alive to anyone. If you are suffering and need an out, even if it hurts those you love, then that's your right. How you go about saying goodbye or not saying goodbye is also your call. Just remember, if there is someone who has been good to you, this will be your last chance to thank them for being a part of your life.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also find existing really painful, to be permanently unconscious is certainly all I wish for, I understand that it's so dreadful and torturous suffering in this existence. But anyway best wishes, I hope you find what you search for.

 

[devils~advocate]

Well when you get text messages like this one from people in your life...I get more ready for ctb everyday.
All over renovating a bathroom in our house. I have elderly parents that I am worried about & I feel I am being forced to pick if I want to see them.
I usually go visit them every 3rd weekend so I can check on them. They are the only ones that care about me, My spouse has had online affairs a few times...talked to other people online, sent nude photos of themselves etc. This was 12 years ago. My spouse still has not spoken to my parents since that time.
So its a big elephant in the corner.
Sorry this is personal info...but its tough to get this sort of thing. It makes me want to ctb much sooner than I am ready to.

We need to sit down and talk about setting a timeline and goals to get these house in projects done. I'm so stressed out about it and everything else I have tobdeal with that I've been struggling to not have full-blown panic attacks. I feel very alone in this process. You can go visit this weekend, but I'm really not happy about it. I don't feel like our priorities are matching at all right now. I feel a sense of urgency to get these projects done, but I feel like you don't really care if or when this stuff gets done. I feel like if you did care, you'd be proactive in helping to get this stuff done. I feel very defeated right now. I need help with this. If you choose to still go this weekend, you need to load up as much as possible to get it out of the house. I also need you to help me get the kitchen in order. Please.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I don't really care about what will happens to my friends/family if I kill myself and I am not even planning on leaving a note/letter to them because I've been suffering from this painful life for years alone and no one to talk to because nobody gives a shit anyway. I am just waiting for a right time to kill myself and I don't want to have a consciousness anymore... I don't want to live for the sake of people using me just for their happiness. I really wanna end this pain because it hurts so much...

If they don't and have shown to not care about you as you have cared about them then yeah you are fine. They aren't your peers or really even your family then.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Short answer, the care obviously wasn't enough and landed you here, no, fuck other people's options on your bodily autonomy.

 

[yxmux]

Most of society would probably say yes since people are supposed to be entitled to your time, intellect, labor, emotional support, etc. I personally wouldn't care about the morals of it though.

 

[MyLifeisHell]

Have you talked to them at all about your desire to die? Do they have any meta understanding just from observing your life?

If the answer to these questions is no, I'm sorry, but you really ought to leave them some explanation. Notes are very limited in what they can do but something is better than nothing. Otherwise they will always wonder why. Come on.

As for the title question, there isn't really an answer if caring isn't going to stop you from killing yourself in any case.

 

[Autumn_Stars]

If someone was on fire would people care that they were being selfish? Our pain is just as debilitating and consuming, like an animal with its leg caught in a trap.

 

[Hanaga]

As for parents, they were selfish when they made you come into this world without looking at the state it's in or how the average person lives (wage slaves for life). So it's okay to be selfish too. Also, if someone ever told you that they don't want you to die, it means they don't want you to die so they wouldn't be sad, which is also selfish because they don't consider your feelings.

 

[Reticent Being]

Sometimes, i dont think its anyone's responsibility for how someone else feels. That's what I'd like to believe. Humans are social creatures, which means we use each other for survival. A lot of us feel deeply attached to our social groups and want everyone to be on the same page because this was key to our evolution. Even love can be called a "biological trick"

I think you are really strong to not care about what others think of your decisions I care too much in my own life.. i cant stand making someone sad or angry, which leads me to be a people pleaser and really anxious.

there is nothing wrong with making someone feel an emotion that's uncomfortable. That's all it is to me, just someone feeling something they dont like. It's not anyone's fault if they cant cope with it. C'est la vie

 

[_Minsk]

what's the point if they don't care anyway. My father didn't care either, he used to give empty phrases like "im always here for you" or similar stuff but he did the exact opposite. In fact he contributed a lot to me wanting to ctb.
So its the correct response imo

 

[hereornot]

I agree with you. Before, I even thought about leaving a note, but now I realize it's irrelevant. No matter the real reason, they will invent what pleases them most anyway. They will blame me and ridicule me as always. My brother might even be happy for you to get an idea. It's your life and you don't owe anyone satisfaction.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that, by definition, only by definition, selfishness is involved but I don't think that all types of selfishness is bad and this certainly isn't bad either. You were born against your will so I believe that you don't owe anybody anything. I believe that you should prioritise yourself first and foremost since your life belongs to you only. This is being selfish by definition but I think that it's a good thing as it's superior than society's selfishness to make you into a wage slave and also superior than your family's selfishness to keep you alive for their own sake. Your life (and the choice to end it) is up to you and matters more than what anybody else wants from you.

Besides, pro lifers only accuse others of being selfish when the selfishness of others overrides their own selfishness. Everybody is selfish as that's just human nature but your selfishness is more important than other people's selfishness since your life is yours only

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I wouldn't say you're selfish for that.

 

[Nothing87]

I feel like most people don't express their care till you're gone,

I agree, they will only care once you're gone..

I do care about you stranger so I hope you feel better

I appreciate you for having a care but I definitely know my life won't get any better but thanks a lot

Have you talked to them at all about your desire to die? Do they have any meta understanding just from observing your life?

Yes, I did talked to them about my depression but I didn't tell them about my suicidal tendencies. Most of them dismissed my feelings or just rolled their eyes, they always say things to me like to be "optimistic" and "stop being a weak or sensitive person" etc..