Am I ready?

[ilovecats]

I have only 2 days until the deadline I've set and I have SN and metoclopramide at my disposal. At first, I was sure that I want to ctb, but I think this put too much pressure on me. Over the time, I stopped being able to think straight, can't sleep properly and I'm anxious all the time. I can't make decisions by myself anymore. Thinking feels like a chore. I don't know if I should listen to my past self or try to recover. I knew before that recovering is not what I want, but now I don't even know what to think. When I try to recall what my issues are, they're fuzzy yet still hurt as much or even worse. I try reading my past posts to get a grip on what my motives were, like I'm someone else. I'm lost. It's so hard to put all this into words. What should I do? I don't want to go like this.

 

[Pluto]

I think you answered your own question. Nobody is going to tell you to go through with a suicide when you are not feeling ready.

 

[GlassAlwaysEmpty]

If you're anything like me, then your not good with deadlines.
When I set a deadline for myself or if a deadline is approaching, then I get more and more worked up as the time nears to the end.

I've not set a date for when I'll ctb and I doubt I ever will. If I did then that's all I would think about and get more and more worked up about it.

There's no going back from this particular deadline, so if you're not ready then you're not ready. You may never be ready and that's fine too.

 

[System28]

i feel that to planned some dates in past thinking im ready, when the day comes i always not ready, not sure whats my problem

 

[azzy]

I have only 2 days until the deadline I've set and I have SN and metoclopramide at my disposal. At first, I was sure that I want to ctb, but I think this put too much pressure on me. Over the time, I stopped being able to think straight, can't sleep properly and I'm anxious all the time. I can't make decisions by myself anymore. Thinking feels like a chore. I don't know if I should listen to my past self or try to recover. I knew before that recovering is not what I want, but now I don't even know what to think. When I try to recall what my issues are, they're fuzzy yet still hurt as much or even worse. I try reading my past posts to get a grip on what my motives were, like I'm someone else. I'm lost. It's so hard to put all this into words. What should I do? I don't want to go like this.

the emotions you're experiencing will surely fluctuate, and will be completely different then another point in time. setting a deadline doesn't ensure your later positivity in actions. instead of a deadline, the next time you feel devastated or truly sure about ctb, do it then. don't set yourself a daunting time limit.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that after all only you know when the time is right for you to leave this world, I believe that it can be difficult setting dates for ctb in advance as life is unpredictable. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Deleted member 31858]

I think that setting a deadline is not a good idea, many things can change in that time, they can get better or worse. You shouldn't feel pressured to meet that deadline, take your time to think things through and don't do anything impulsive please, you even talked about trying to recover, maybe it's a good idea, but this is all a decision that only you can take and I hope you choose the best for you

 

[Ambivalent1]

Emotions are like the weather. They're a bad thing to anchor yourself to.

 

[aquarian122]

It's up to you.