Am I not the only one who wants CTB in a brutal way? To punish the people who destroyed my life.

[disabledlife]

Am I not the only one who wants CTB in a brutal way? To punish the people who destroyed my life.

I'm sorry for not being able to hold back my permanent anger and for being trashy, for being brutal in my words, I prefer to warn you in advance of the rest of my message.

I prefer to repeat, I don't want to hurt anyone, that is, physical, material harm, I just want to hurt myself and shock public opinion, and that everything remains legal. CTB is not illegal in most countries in the world, nor the way of CTB, as long as it does not involve other people or their property.

When I live, when I see my rotten body, my childhood destroyed, that I have been harassed, humiliated, inferiorized... I think of demolitions of buildings or cars.

They stole my height (I would have liked to be tall, like everyone else), they robbed me of the possibility of being able to study, because of my health, when my brain was largely capable of long studies, they robbed me of my dignity, they robbed me of my beauty (lack of care)...

I would like CTB in a peaceful way, but I would like my body (once dead, the soul gone) to be destroyed in a violent, punitive way, especially towards my father and all my childhood city, see all my country!

I keep seeing videos of demolitions of cars, buildings, ... it's so enjoyable when I think of what I would like to do with my body, the way it could be destroyed, this shitty body who destroyed my life and who makes me suffer all the time. It would be so enjoyable to shock the people who destroyed my life, and my country, to change its laws and better protect children or even prevent some parents from having children.

It would be so enjoyable to shock people to change mentalities, even at school. I'm tired of constantly seeing abused children, destroyed adults, suffering, misery, abused, tortured, destroyed animals... seeing the entire planet ransacked by beings supposed to be " intelligent", "endowed with reason".

I would like to shock the pro-lifers who persist in always refusing all peaceful CTB, MVA, Euthanasia, abortions, LGBT rights...

Every day passes, every day my anger grows stronger. Until when? How will it crack?

The human, the worst species that nature has invented, who has made so many people suffer, who would never have liked to receive existence!

I would never have wanted to be born, and even less in the living conditions that I suffered.

 

[Mimi_]

I also wanted to die brutally but for punishing myself not others.

 

[nureinFuchs]

I never thought about it, but mostly I may do it in a calm and peacefull place, just because you had a bad life it's doesn't mean you don't deserver a better ending.

 

[tams]

I wanna ctb in peaceful way too. But I hope my corpse is destroyed, I hope they feed me to animals. I feel like I deserve to have my corpse desecrated. I don't want any unnecessary resources wasted on me. Obviously it is out of my hands when I am dead, but I can still think about.

 

[nonialabaster]

Am I not the only one who wants CTB in a brutal way? To punish the people who destroyed my life.

I'm sorry for not being able to hold back my permanent anger and for being trashy, for being brutal in my words, I prefer to warn you in advance of the rest of my message.

I prefer to repeat, I don't want to hurt anyone, that is, physical, material harm, I just want to hurt myself and shock public opinion, and that everything remains legal. CTB is not illegal in most countries in the world, nor the way of CTB, as long as it does not involve other people or their property.

When I live, when I see my rotten body, my childhood destroyed, that I have been harassed, humiliated, inferiorized... I think of demolitions of buildings or cars.

They stole my height (I would have liked to be tall, like everyone else), they robbed me of the possibility of being able to study, because of my health, when my brain was largely capable of long studies, they robbed me of my dignity, they robbed me of my beauty (lack of care)...

I would like CTB in a peaceful way, but I would like my body (once dead, the soul gone) to be destroyed in a violent, punitive way, especially towards my father and all my childhood city, see all my country!

I keep seeing videos of demolitions of cars, buildings, ... it's so enjoyable when I think of what I would like to do with my body, the way it could be destroyed, this shitty body who destroyed my life and who makes me suffer all the time. It would be so enjoyable to shock the people who destroyed my life, and my country, to change its laws and better protect children or even prevent some parents from having children.

It would be so enjoyable to shock people to change mentalities, even at school. I'm tired of constantly seeing abused children, destroyed adults, suffering, misery, abused, tortured, destroyed animals... seeing the entire planet ransacked by beings supposed to be " intelligent", "endowed with reason".

I would like to shock the pro-lifers who persist in always refusing all peaceful CTB, MVA, Euthanasia, abortions, LGBT rights...

Every day passes, every day my anger grows stronger. Until when? How will it crack?

The human, the worst species that nature has invented, who has made so many people suffer, who would never have liked to receive existence!

I would never have wanted to be born, and even less in the living conditions that I suffered.

I'm sorry for your pain. No person here can help you through this. I wish that we could, but, we are not therapists. Please, try MHMR, in your area. I'm sorry, friend, but this is a safe space. We have come to our own decisions, through thoughtful, rational thinking. Not the things you are talking about.

Maybe try Reddit. Not here.

 

[Illidan77]

whoa i hope you won't be a demolitionist or reasoning with cigarette and see people's hair on fire (sorry if it offend or bad joke)
but joke aside, i'm sorry for your struggle, i can relate in a way but more like apocalypse. It's like lachecism.

 

[orca87]

To me, I want to go peacefully.

I was hurt, but I also hurt others. Seems like you can't forgive even the things that no one is responsible for (like not being tall is not someone's fault). I know how hard it is to forgive but I came to the realization that the biggest damage someone has done to my life, was caused by myself. I cannot forgive, either.

But I can forgive enough to make my departure as peaceful as possible. In no way do I see ctb as punitive to myself. In and of itself, it is rather part of forgiveness in the sense that it ends the pain I have caused myself. An act of mercy.

 

[disabledlife]

I just wanted to express my anger, not asking for help here regarding what will happen after CTB.

I just wanted to vent that anger, and those thoughts that I kept in silence since my childhood.

I'm sorry if I offended people who had nothing to do with it here. It was not my intention. I wanted to get the reaction of people here.

In this forum where I finally have the right to evacuate my thoughts without criticism and without being forced to self-censor, in political correctness.
Anyway, I'm afraid it's not going to change anything in society. People will continue to have children when they are unable to be good parents. I think humanity will continue to destroy animals, the planet... I think people will continue to procreate even though they know they are going to have handicapped, future dwarf person, future midget,... Who has bullied, rejected...

The only thing possible is to evacuate anger, without effects, or to continue to suffer. It's the Asperger extreme consequences.

I hope, in any case, that once CTB, my life story will be publicized. That my body and my knowledge (books, inventions... for example) will end up in ashes, so that no one can benefit from inheritance, to make profit, to appropriate my work, in particular intellectual.

I will decide what I will allow to keep, and it will be open source, as is the case with Linux. No one can own it, it's everyone's.

To me, I want to go peacefully.

I was hurt, but I also hurt others. Seems like you can't forgive even the things that no one is responsible for (like not being tall is not someone's fault). I know how hard it is to forgive but I came to the realization that the biggest damage someone has done to my life, was caused by myself. I cannot forgive, either.

But I can forgive enough to make my departure as peaceful as possible. In no way do I see ctb as punitive to myself. In and of itself, it is rather part of forgiveness in the sense that it ends the pain I have caused myself. An act of mercy.

My parents are totally responsible for my size, especially at the genetic level, but also for having refused to treat me, while the doctors told them that I was not going to grow without medical treatment.

In addition, the doctors told my parents that their mistreatment, the deplorable hygiene, the often rotten food, the expiry date, etc., made me sick, that my illnesses stopped my growth! Doctors, especially school doctors, could do nothing because the law in my country gives absolute power to parents and families.

Do not forget that it is also the fault of my country which defends a family policy, gives generous allowances especially when you have a large family. That justice practically does not exist, for lack of budget, laziness, corruption. To go and say that it's nobody's fault is to speak too quickly without really knowing, unfortunately.

So yes, there can be bad births because of nature which has decided so, despite the efforts of parents, doctors, and the authorities of certain countries (who want good for the children for example). I can cite orphan genetic diseases, undetectable disabilities, etc.

But, obviously, in my country, nothing is done to ensure that only good parents can procreate or adopt. Nothing is done for the animal cause. Nothing is done for security. And, even worse, teachers and school principals are attacked by 10-year-old children! Again my country defends the parents of thug children.

 

[leloyon]

Kinda? But not for the same reasons.
I would like to CTB in a way that destroys my body due to the fact that I hate it. I want as little left of me as possible, at the very least nothing recognisable.

 

[disabledlife]

Some time ago (a week or two I think), I posted a thread "Am I not the only one who wants CTB in a brutal way? To punish the people who destroyed my life." (Attention, sensitive souls abstain).

I posted this thread because I have this impression, more and more tenacious, of being stuck living, in prison, in pain, both physical and psychiatric, and that it is more and more impossible to die by peaceful means!

I just wanted to know if other people had the same thoughts, the same cravings for CTB like this, and why.

But my will still remains to die peacefully! It would be cool to get N everywhere in the world, to benefit from assisted suicide (VAD), whatever the reasons, provided you are determined! It would be cool to be able to benefit from euthanasia for all people who are incapable of CTB or have a VAD (assisted suicide), whatever the reasons, because a suicide can be revoked at any time by the person. -even if she changes her mind, unlike euthanasia which can begin when the person changes her mind (but remains possible if suicide is not), the aim being to respect the wishes of the person, the principle of ultimate freedom.

But the pro-lifes push me to express my violent thoughts!!!!!

Who doesn't want to crack, flip out, when everyone tries to keep him alive, insults him when he wants to die, rejects him, to end up on his own,..., and at the same time time, people torture him, make fun of his physique, that the person remains poor by his health, that everyone prevents him from alleviating his sufferings in his life (care too expensive, painkillers prohibited, inaccessible...) , and especially when the person is badly born, handicapped, with physical illnesses, mental illnesses, or both, etc!!!!!

Who doesn't want to break down, flip out, when you're judged to be too much in society, treated like an outcast, useless, cowardly, not brave, rejected, etc., and at the same time, to your will to die, that everyone still insults you, judges you, calls you a coward, not brave, because you just want to die, to respect the wishes of the shitty society to get rid of a useless person, too much for the company!!!

The human is totally incomprehensible, stupid, proud, aggressor, and this stupid desire to be a hero to judge anyone who is inferior to himself. I rather think that society loves to criticize, and that if you are born badly, you suffer criticism, rejection, whatever you do in life or death!!!!

And we wonder why some people want the return of eugenics, of a license to procreate, of a license to be a parent... it's because, quite simply, it's better to be born well, this society of shit will never accept different people, who don't fit their stupid standards!!! You just have to see how people despise mental illnesses, people who are too small, too fat, too foreign, too ugly, LGBT, etc!

 

[deathbydragon]

I'll be making sure I don't get an open casket funeral, I want to be forgotten about asap.

 

[Edpal247]

Not interested in hurting others but it will if I ctb.

 

[darkandtwisty]

I want to go peacefully but I don't want a funeral. I don't care to be buried or cremated. It sounds like a waste of money to celebrate a life I didn't want and I don't want to take up space in the ground. Throw me in a ditch for all I care. I won't be here to know any better.

 

[sometimesoon]

I have this feeling that I want to be humiliated in death.

 

[hu3]

Am I not the only one who wants CTB in a brutal way? To punish the people who destroyed my life.

I'm sorry for not being able to hold back my permanent anger and for being trashy, for being brutal in my words, I prefer to warn you in advance of the rest of my message.

I prefer to repeat, I don't want to hurt anyone, that is, physical, material harm, I just want to hurt myself and shock public opinion, and that everything remains legal. CTB is not illegal in most countries in the world, nor the way of CTB, as long as it does not involve other people or their property.

When I live, when I see my rotten body, my childhood destroyed, that I have been harassed, humiliated, inferiorized... I think of demolitions of buildings or cars.

They stole my height (I would have liked to be tall, like everyone else), they robbed me of the possibility of being able to study, because of my health, when my brain was largely capable of long studies, they robbed me of my dignity, they robbed me of my beauty (lack of care)...

I would like CTB in a peaceful way, but I would like my body (once dead, the soul gone) to be destroyed in a violent, punitive way, especially towards my father and all my childhood city, see all my country!

I keep seeing videos of demolitions of cars, buildings, ... it's so enjoyable when I think of what I would like to do with my body, the way it could be destroyed, this shitty body who destroyed my life and who makes me suffer all the time. It would be so enjoyable to shock the people who destroyed my life, and my country, to change its laws and better protect children or even prevent some parents from having children.

It would be so enjoyable to shock people to change mentalities, even at school. I'm tired of constantly seeing abused children, destroyed adults, suffering, misery, abused, tortured, destroyed animals... seeing the entire planet ransacked by beings supposed to be " intelligent", "endowed with reason".

I would like to shock the pro-lifers who persist in always refusing all peaceful CTB, MVA, Euthanasia, abortions, LGBT rights...

Every day passes, every day my anger grows stronger. Until when? How will it crack?

The human, the worst species that nature has invented, who has made so many people suffer, who would never have liked to receive existence!

I would never have wanted to be born, and even less in the living conditions that I suffered.

A revolutionary death.. we are in the revolution, things must change.. however. You aren't obligated to do so.. you are not responsible for this world. The people must learn themselves, but they won't.

In a way, i empathize yet.. I think you deserve a peaceful day before your death. Your suicide shouldn't be so cruel to hurt you but only to spark some truth to this world, and maybe that little glimpse of light your escaping soul breathes will Startle those who need to understand.

If you'll do it this way, Atleast have a great day before.