Hello everyone I'm a newbie. Not to wanting death, but on this page. Currently trying to gather all my braincells to find a source for SN
Already got.scammed out of about 250$ so that's great. But own fault. I'm not making this post for source help though since now I'm broke until the first of month. But instead making this post to describe my lack of sanity or I.Q.
Just as a little background on trauma- real father barely around, was SA at 5 everyday 1-3 times a day for 6 months. That one got arrested. Then got SA regular basis for months by a new man in mothers life. Even with my past I told her what happened, got calles a liar and shipped off to other family. After everyone telling me my brain made it up I believed them. And stupid me at 15 got drunk with the same man
I had no strength to fight back. But own fault again. That man is still free, one room away right now actually. I told my mom of the second incident, her response? "If it ever happens again let me know". I begged my real father for help, was denied.
My first attempt was at 7. The brand new rope some how snapped. Since that age I've tried OD on anything and everything. I've tried bag on head method to no results. Even drank antifreeze, was found 13 hrs after and was supposed to make it through the night according to the doctors. They were shocked when I not only woke up but wanted breakfast after my levels showing with how much of the chemical that was in my body I drank a few ounces of it.
Surviving that led to me trying with a gun, the rifle jammed, I broke down mentally and then took the gun walking around town trying to shoot others cause my brain at that point was convinced I needed to take another life before I could succeed in my own.
So yeah, most my own fault. Just wish I had the pain in my head gone, maybe the pain is.blocking my intelligence or I really am dumb to fail so much in life. Sorry for this rambling.
Already got.scammed out of about 250$ so that's great. But own fault. I'm not making this post for source help though since now I'm broke until the first of month. But instead making this post to describe my lack of sanity or I.Q.
Just as a little background on trauma- real father barely around, was SA at 5 everyday 1-3 times a day for 6 months. That one got arrested. Then got SA regular basis for months by a new man in mothers life. Even with my past I told her what happened, got calles a liar and shipped off to other family. After everyone telling me my brain made it up I believed them. And stupid me at 15 got drunk with the same man
I had no strength to fight back. But own fault again. That man is still free, one room away right now actually. I told my mom of the second incident, her response? "If it ever happens again let me know". I begged my real father for help, was denied.
My first attempt was at 7. The brand new rope some how snapped. Since that age I've tried OD on anything and everything. I've tried bag on head method to no results. Even drank antifreeze, was found 13 hrs after and was supposed to make it through the night according to the doctors. They were shocked when I not only woke up but wanted breakfast after my levels showing with how much of the chemical that was in my body I drank a few ounces of it.
Surviving that led to me trying with a gun, the rifle jammed, I broke down mentally and then took the gun walking around town trying to shoot others cause my brain at that point was convinced I needed to take another life before I could succeed in my own.
So yeah, most my own fault. Just wish I had the pain in my head gone, maybe the pain is.blocking my intelligence or I really am dumb to fail so much in life. Sorry for this rambling.
It's just that this world is full of not so good people and some really bad ones. 
