Venting Am I just attention-seeking?

[gvmi]

It hurts just to feel this way, that every time I think about ending it, I feel like I'm just doing it for attention. And that's half of if, really. If I could press a button and just stop feeling this way, to stop being depressed, feeling this bad, I would. I really would.

Maybe I don't want to disappear, maybe I don't want to CTB, maybe I just want to get better.
I've been trying to go to therapists, psychiatrists even. None have even offered to help me. It hurts, it hurts looking for help, and nobody being there to hold your hand.

That's literally the reason why I fucking self-harm. I literally cut myself for attention, as a cry for help. I want to feel better, I want to get help. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I just want to stop feeling bad and having this thought in the back of my head.

 

[sweetgirl666]

I know what it's like, I used to burn my arms with really hot forks. In my case, I tried to hide it as much as possible because all I wanted was to literally feel something. But you looking for help and a solution shows that there is still that voice that echoes hope in your head. See the recovery topic on this site or if you just want someone to talk to, my dm is open, I also have discord if you prefer

 

[gvmi]

Thanks a lot... I really appreciate that... I will DM you later. I just feel like I'm faking everything, where I know deep-down that these feelings are real and that I am suffering. Knowing that other people feel or have felt the same puts me more at ease...

I don't know, I'm scared of failing at CTB, and scared of succeeding at CTB...

 

[tinyghost]

you are suffering, that is real. what you are going through is real. that means you deserve help. its fucked up that its so difficult to get it.

 

[gvmi]

you are suffering, that is real. what you are going through is real. that means you deserve help. its fucked up that its so difficult to get it.

It's what I feel is unfair, that I've tried to keep everyone as happy as I could, but now that I'm in my breaking point nobody will move a finger.
I'm just venting, there's probably people that do care for me and that they're trying to help, but I don't know, I'm not feeling it. I feel lost and alone...

 

[sweetgirl666]

Thanks a lot... I really appreciate that... I will DM you later. I just feel like I'm faking everything, where I know deep-down that these feelings are real and that I am suffering. Knowing that other people feel or have felt the same puts me more at ease...

I don't know, I'm scared of failing at CTB, and scared of succeeding at CTB...

Oh, I think it's hard for you to be faking this, it sucks to feel this way. Your head is in chaos and sometimes you think you have no reason to feel this way but believe me, no pain should be invalidated in any way, getting hurt is an act of desperation to ask for help. Practicing CTB is a path of no return, so being completely determined about it is important after all and there are no regrets unless you survive and become crippled or end up in a psychiatric ward

 

[Weltall]

It hurts just to feel this way, that every time I think about ending it, I feel like I'm just doing it for attention. And that's half of if, really. If I could press a button and just stop feeling this way, to stop being depressed, feeling this bad, I would. I really would.

Maybe I don't want to disappear, maybe I don't want to CTB, maybe I just want to get better.
I've been trying to go to therapists, psychiatrists even. None have even offered to help me. It hurts, it hurts looking for help, and nobody being there to hold your hand.

That's literally the reason why I fucking self-harm. I literally cut myself for attention, as a cry for help. I want to feel better, I want to get help. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I just want to stop feeling bad and having this thought in the back of my head.

If you care about yourself, and want to improve, then keep looking for one that is willing to give you the help you're looking for.
It can be difficult to find a professional who can fully understand your specific issues, but don't let that discourage you.
If you feel like you need to talk to someone from this community, then feel free to PM me as well.
Think about what it is that you are looking first, that way you have an expectation.

 

[Vesiira]

It hurts just to feel this way, that every time I think about ending it, I feel like I'm just doing it for attention. And that's half of if, really. If I could press a button and just stop feeling this way, to stop being depressed, feeling this bad, I would. I really would.

Maybe I don't want to disappear, maybe I don't want to CTB, maybe I just want to get better.
I've been trying to go to therapists, psychiatrists even. None have even offered to help me. It hurts, it hurts looking for help, and nobody being there to hold your hand.

That's literally the reason why I fucking self-harm. I literally cut myself for attention, as a cry for help. I want to feel better, I want to get help. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I just want to stop feeling bad and having this thought in the back of my head.

I don't think I could ever convey how much I understand how you're feeling, friend. I'm sure a lot of us just wish we could press a button and it would all be fine. Whether it's to just end it or get better. Whatever we wish. If only it were that easy. I promise you it's not "attention-seeking." Society has made it seem like struggling is such a taboo topic. Sometimes we have to do drastic things, to show that we need help. That we don't want to feel this way. I hate how if someone isn't happy with life, they tell you to just "change it." So many people don't realize how awful we feel all the time and that we just don't want to feel that hurt anymore. If we have to exist, which we didn't have a choice in the matter, we just want to be happy. However, it seems like even that is hard in itself. Wish you didn't feel this way. I hope you start feeling some peace soon.

 

[luisamanequim]

It hurts just to feel this way, that every time I think about ending it, I feel like I'm just doing it for attention. And that's half of if, really. If I could press a button and just stop feeling this way, to stop being depressed, feeling this bad, I would. I really would.

Maybe I don't want to disappear, maybe I don't want to CTB, maybe I just want to get better.
I've been trying to go to therapists, psychiatrists even. None have even offered to help me. It hurts, it hurts looking for help, and nobody being there to hold your hand.

That's literally the reason why I fucking self-harm. I literally cut myself for attention, as a cry for help. I want to feel better, I want to get help. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I just want to stop feeling bad and having this thought in the back of my head.

It's impossible for you to be faking it, you are going against your most primal instincts, validate yourself, validate your feelings, they are all very real, if you are feeling it they exist NEVER forget that. Keep going and keep trying just don't forget that everything that you feel is valid. s2

 

[enough of this]

It hurts just to feel this way, that every time I think about ending it, I feel like I'm just doing it for attention. And that's half of if, really. If I could press a button and just stop feeling this way, to stop being depressed, feeling this bad, I would. I really would.

Maybe I don't want to disappear, maybe I don't want to CTB, maybe I just want to get better.
I've been trying to go to therapists, psychiatrists even. None have even offered to help me. It hurts, it hurts looking for help, and nobody being there to hold your hand.

That's literally the reason why I fucking self-harm. I literally cut myself for attention, as a cry for help. I want to feel better, I want to get help. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I just want to stop feeling bad and having this thought in the back of my head.

I know how it is to just want the pain to stop. And, if you're talking about suicide, or whatever else you might be doing, just for attention, there's no shame in that. It's another indicator of the pain you're going through.

You're welcome to reach out to me. I want to stop feeling bad, too. It would be good to talk with someone who understands.

 

[j3n4829]

we all want to get better, what you're describing is you're suffering, you're suffering and you need help, people are cruel. I hope you find peace somewhere in this world.

 

[Abandoned Character]

You're not alone, being an intelligent, conscious being is really fucking weird. I imagine my own mental illness like a river cutting through a canyon. There are patterns of thinking that my brain, for whatever reason, got stuck into doing. And now it really hurts, and like a raging river forming a massive canyon, these ways of thinking feel locked in. I can't help but return to these patterns. Recently, I've started to foster diverging paths from this stream. Little offshoots of my default way of being that I am trying to nurture. The rage, the pain, the suffering still comes, but I do have moments where I can smile.

I do not know what you need, but you're not alone. Please keep sharing what comes to you.

 

[NumbItAll]

"Attention-seeking" has a negative connotation but really there is nothing wrong with signaling that you are in pain. Maybe "help-seeking" is a better way of putting it, but either way your suffering is real and feelings are valid.