Am i destined to be forever alone? For people in similar situations, how do you guys cope?

[Tiredofit25]

Im tired, I'm exhausted and I can't cope with life anymore. I have no friends because everyone , especially women think that I'm weird for being different and asocial. I have no family either because my fathers side of the family didnt raise me and they want nothing to do with me because i am not christian and i am guessing my father is ashamed of me , they also deny the abuse (physical abuse, verbal abuse, malnutrition and emotional and financial neglect) that my mother inflicted onto me and call me bitter and said that I should be grateful because at least I wasn't aborted or raped, as if rape is the only valid form of parental abuse, and yes, i would have preferred to be aborted.

Im not conventionally attractive so I cant get a man, most men want a submissive maternal caretaker who coddles them and also a bangmaid , which i am naturally not, they do not want a woman who despite being a bit weird , is a somewhat decent person with similar hobbies to them and has a sense of humor. I am also mistrustful of men due to past experiences of men either being creepy or disrespectful. I suspect that I may be autistic which doesn't help. Whenever I do meet someone that i think I can trust , they backstab me, talk shit and take advantage of me, assuming that I am special needs. Whenever I try to keep to myself , people assume that I am being angsty and bitchy but when I am witty and sarcastic. People assume that I am childish, retarded. I dont want to sound edgy , but no one truly understands me and I find that disheartening.

I've been living on survival mode since I was child , with no support from anyone. Ive been dismissed by people as a retarded weirdo for suffering from depression and ive been told that i am wrong for feeling the things I've been feeling towards my mother because the Bible calls for children to respect your parents. I am isolated , I assume I will be for the rest of my life .

Life is getting harder and I know I have responsibilities as a adult but I can't cope alone anymore and i dont want to live. I can't do this for the next 10 years , much less 50. The average woman usually has a boyfriend, suportive female friends and good parents. I dont have that! I have no will anymore and I dont know why I keep going. Im enlisted in the us military because i need the money but i feel like I'm delaying the inevitable. I can't form any emotional connections to anyone and people eventually leave me and use my trauma against me once they see the real me. I am not worthy of love or respect no matter how much i work on myself and i am ready to accept that and ctb. I have my flaws but I am not a creep, or terrible person, just socially awkward. I am sorry for the rant!

 

[Sphene]

Finding the right person in this day and age can be really hard. I just wanted to say that there are people out there who can accept you for who you are, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I'm really sorry about your family situation. That sounds incredibly painful, and you didn't deserve that. I hope things gradually become easier for you, even if it takes time

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

People suck ass, I'm sorry. You are worthy of love and respect, you have your own boundaries, never cross them. Some of the men see you as a danger because of that and some of the women also see you as a danger because of that.

Having boundaries cuts your friendship/relationship/dating pool to like 5%-10% of the population. But they do suck for not giving you a chance just for being different or more asocial than the average person. And I know that you know that. It still hurts even knowing it. "Oh they weren't a good fit for you anyways, dw about it" I get it, I know, still sucks everytime I tried to make friends but we were just incompatible. I've said it before, it's a bit disheartening at some point, even if us not clicking as friends is the right thing to happen to both of us.

I get you in this part, don't want romantic/sexual relationship so don't know there, probably similar to friendship on how shallow some ppl are.

 

[Unlucky777]

You are enough as you are. Don't feel the need to change for anyone. People (yes including family) can be very cruel. It sucks to feel like you are living in survival mode (I've been in survival mode 45 years).

 

[Tiredofit25]

You are enough as you are. Don't feel the need to change for anyone. People (yes including family) can be very cruel. It sucks to feel like you are living in survival mode (I've been in survival mode 45 years).

Hi, thank you for your comment. Since you are in your forties . How do you cope with life as of now? I can't see myself making it to my forties. What makes you want to keep going?

 

[4colliez]

I feel like when people know me better they love me less.
I'm in a relationship that I'm keeping apart out of desperation because I feel like no one else will ever love me, but he can't even tell me he loves me at the moment. My family denies the things I've been put through by some of them and I have only a few friends.
Just know you're not alone in this at all. I think a lot more adults are lonely than it may seem. The only reason I keep on hoping is because things have gotten better for me at some point, even if right now I'm doing terrible, someone did love me at some point, I do have a couple friends. Maybe that's all worth something, I don't know.
It's all easier said than done but it seems to me you do know your worth and I'm sure there are more people out there who will see it too <3 Hope you can find some peace

 

[Poison Ivy]

Hey, i think it is easier to find someone through smaller social interactions, friends etc...

 

[Unlucky777]

Hi, thank you for your comment. Since you are in your forties . How do you cope with life as of now? I can't see myself making it to my forties. What makes you want to keep going?

You're welcome.

I've survived a lot of stuff. I've been suicidal since I learned I was gay when I was like 12.

How do I cope nowadays? I exercise. I go run at like 3am or 4am. I lift weights. I go on hikes by my self. Exercise always grounds me. I play chess. I do crossword puzzles. I listen to music like Tupac, Eminem, Immortal Technique etc.

What keeps me going...I have two nieces that I love very much and I want to see them grow up and they also love it when I play and joke with them...i am back in school studying something I love and am pretty decent at and trying to develop my talents...i also stay for my older sister...i can't abandon her...I have a lot of potential I think but I have had many set backs. I know if I try I can live up to my potential, in the past I could not give it my 100% for many reasons but now I have the chance to give my all...I have hope for the future...i have faith in myself...I believe in myself and my abilities... Those are the main things that keep me going... It took a lot of struggles and frustrations to even get to where I'm at now, I wasn't always this positive...last year has been absolute hell but going thru these struggles made me into the person I am today and I believe we all have that inherent ability to overcome all our challenges...

BTW I also feel like (especially as of late) that I can't emotionally connect with people...I can totally relate to what you are saying here. I also feel like I don't belong in this world... It's so strange but yeah I feel that way