Discussion Am I crazy???

[BecauseOfMyPurpose]

I see a lot of posts about being nervous to CTB.. Am I the only one who is excited??
I can't wait to get some relief from everything.
I wrote my notes today and I feel almost elated that the day is coming.
Am I supposed to be nervous??

 

[First loss]

Well, before my second attempt which I was certain it would be successful, I was really happy. It felt like the weight of this world fell of my shoulders. Sadly, I failed and the weight is back.

I think you are feeling happy because you realized that you will be freed from everything that is causing you pain.

 

[UninformedLover]

Haha no you're not supposed to feel a certain way about anything - in this case ctbing. I find it quite interesting you're excited. It must make things a whole lot easier right?

I understand your feelings of relief - I feel this way too when I think of dying but I am still afraid. But too be excited - that is truly something. A good something lol.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

Same. I can't wait to drink SN

 

[PaYo]

Well you are not the only one im pretty happy for ctbing.

 

[Fragile]

i think that this is because some people fear failing and then dealing with the aftermath of a suicide attempt on top of whatever they been dealing with, it can be an extremely traumatizing experience.

i remember being very calm on the days leading to my first attempt 7 years ago, but now i'm feeling very anxious about it since i have to wait some months and the fact that i can fail only bring back memories of pain and suffering that i had to endure, getting treated like absolute shit by the people who are supposed to help you like psychiatrists and psychologist just feels terrible, then there is the constant surveillance and lost of freedom, not to mention the emotional damage that you put on family members.

but maybe i'll feel extremely calm once i get my method, then off to whatever happens after death.

 

[PaYo]

I am also curious if there is other side

 

[BecauseOfMyPurpose]

Haha no you're not supposed to feel a certain way about anything - in this case ctbing. I find it quite interesting you're excited. It must make things a whole lot easier right?

I understand your feelings of relief - I feel this way too when I think of dying but I am still afraid. But too be excited - that is truly something. A good something lol.

Maybe it's just been too long since I've had something to look forward to, idk.

I've never been afraid of dying, even before i really decided to CTB, so maybe that's part of it..

I have an appointment to see my doctor on the 23rd, hoping to get a metro prescription, then I will have everything I need.

I decided to wait until after Christmas for my family's sake, although at this point I'm not sure they would notice if I wasn't there.
Now the hardest part is having to wait when the sweet release is sitting right in front of me.

i think that this is because some people fear failing and then dealing with the aftermath of a suicide attempt on top of whatever they been dealing with, it can be an extremely traumatizing experience.

i remember being very calm on the days leading to my first attempt 7 years ago, but now i'm feeling very anxious about it since i have to wait some months and the fact that i can fail only bring back memories of pain and suffering that i had to endure, getting treated like absolute shit by the people who are supposed to help you like psychiatrists and psychologist just feels terrible, then there is the constant surveillance and lost of freedom, not to mention the emotional damage that you put on family members.

but maybe i'll feel extremely calm once i get my method, then off to whatever happens after death.

You're right. I didn't consider the background of those who say they are nervous. I can't imagine what it feels like to have failed because I haven't yet, but unfortunately that is a risk we are all taking when we make our attempts.

I'm sorry you didn't get your peace. ):

 

[LMLN]

I think a failed attempt can really take away that peaceful feeling before ctb. I was very peaceful and happy before my failed attempt. But the aftermath was terrible and now I'm afraid of failing.

i think that this is because some people fear failing and then dealing with the aftermath of a suicide attempt on top of whatever they been dealing with, it can be an extremely traumatizing experience.

i remember being very calm on the days leading to my first attempt 7 years ago, but now i'm feeling very anxious about it since i have to wait some months and the fact that i can fail only bring back memories of pain and suffering that i had to endure, getting treated like absolute shit by the people who are supposed to help you like psychiatrists and psychologist just feels terrible, then there is the constant surveillance and lost of freedom, not to mention the emotional damage that you put on family members.

but maybe i'll feel extremely calm once i get my method, then off to whatever happens after death.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Well, before my second attempt which I was certain it would be successful, I was really happy. It felt like the weight of this world fell of my shoulders. Sadly, I failed and the weight is back.

I think you are feeling happy because you realized that you will be freed from everything that is causing you pain.

What was your second attempt?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Weeks ago I wasn't afraid of death but now that is coming I am. It's a mix between scared and excited. I have everything (SN, meto, etc) just waiting for the day I decide to do it.

 

[6ixxy]

I see a lot of posts about being nervous to CTB.. Am I the only one who is excited??
I can't wait to get some relief from everything.
I wrote my notes today and I feel almost elated that the day is coming.
Am I supposed to be nervous??

I feel the same way, no anxiety or worry about it whatsoever, just a bit of relief really if that's what you'd call it. However there is a slight concern that I may become more bothered on the exact day it's planned perhaps, until that day I'll never know.

(for some insight my day is in roughly a month from now)

 

[sleepy dog]

I see a lot of posts about being nervous to CTB.. Am I the only one who is excited??
I can't wait to get some relief from everything.
I wrote my notes today and I feel almost elated that the day is coming.
Am I supposed to be nervous??

Being excited means you have assumed it is going to work. There is no certainty it will. No method is 100%. I know many people say that some methods are. Some still believe that guns work 100% of the time. That is simply not true. Even Nembutal has failed before.

 

[First loss]

What was your second attempt?

Partial hanging

 

[Moonicide]

For me it's bittersweet. There's a wave of emotions I go through as my ctb day gets nearer and nearer. I'm absolutely comforted by the fact I have the means to ctb now. In fact, I'm very excited and waiting to receive my Meto through the mail. But also nervous due to the unknown that death brings. And also very overwhelmed as I still have to get things done for my loved ones before my day. Everything is almost set in place though.

 

[BecauseOfMyPurpose]

For me it's bittersweet. There's a wave of emotions I go through as my ctb day gets nearer and nearer. I'm absolutely comforted by the fact I have the means to ctb now. In fact, I'm very excited and waiting to receive my Meto through the mail. But also nervous due to the unknown that death brings. And also very overwhelmed as I still have to get things done for my loved ones before my day. Everything is almost set in place though.

I hope you find the peace you are looking for

I feel the same way, no anxiety or worry about it whatsoever, just a bit of relief really if that's what you'd call it. However there is a slight concern that I may become more bothered on the exact day it's planned perhaps, until that day I'll never know.

(for some insight my day is in roughly a month from now)

I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
Send to you both

 

[Manja]

I feel excited like when I'm falling in love