Discussion Am I being envious of people taking their own life?

[blackheart]

I was at the a class at the gym and the instructor came in slightly late. He said "Sorry for being late but the road is closed. Apparently somebody jumped off the building on the other side of the road". Deep into me I thought "Lucky them! He finally escaped this hell!". I really mean it!

Do you ever feel envious of somebody who just decided to go and did it? I kind of am, at least they are not suffering anymore

 

[ConstantPain]

Yes, I'm also jealous anytime I hear of someone else dying. Both those who want to ctb and follow though with it, or drug overdoses. Two years ago one of my coworkers went home on a Friday and overdosed on heroin/fentanyl. None of us had an inkling that she used drugs (always passed drug tests, no reason to suspect she was) but I could tell she wasn't happy. I feel like such a terrible person to be jealous and wishing I knew her source

 

[jawdropped123]

I was at the a class at the gym and the instructor came in slightly late. He said "Sorry for being late but the road is closed. Apparently somebody jumped off the building on the other side of the road". Deep into me I thought "Lucky them! He finally escaped this hell!". I really mean it!

Do you ever feel envious of somebody who just decided to go and did it? I kind of am, at least they are not suffering anymore

Sometimes i do feel jealousy because they know what comes after dead but none of us do...

 

[Seeking_Peace]

I'm not envious but happy they ended their pain.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes I am envious… Strangely I wish I were extremely old so I could just stop taking whatever medication I needed to be on and die …. I don't have the energy to even get off my couch much less start my life over ….

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I am very envious of those who have left this world. I wish that I had the courage. Many of those who left were likely very desperate. Whenever I hear of someone who has died, I always wish that it is me. If someone is dead then they cannot suffer and they are free from the torture that is existing. They do not have to deal with this pointless life anymore. Everyday it hurts me being alive and I always wish to be gone.

 

[Klophy]

I find myself envious too and hoping that they found peace from their suffering.

 

[lonely30]

I was at the a class at the gym and the instructor came in slightly late. He said "Sorry for being late but the road is closed. Apparently somebody jumped off the building on the other side of the road". Deep into me I thought "Lucky them! He finally escaped this hell!". I really mean it!

Do you ever feel envious of somebody who just decided to go and did it? I kind of am, at least they are not suffering anymore

No, because I know how painful it is to be suicidal. But I often find myself feeling envious of people who are diagnosed with a terminal illness, which makes me feel like a monster. I am really jealous that those people can die and can say goodbye to the people they love before and nobody will blame them for taking their own life or carry the guilt of not having done more.

 

[Tortured Existence]

Yes. Whenever I hear about anybody who died, which are usually famous people, I'm SO envious. I've felt like this for years.

 

[blackheart]

Sometimes i do feel jealousy because they know what comes after dead but none of us do...

Same thought as me

I find myself envious too and hoping that they found peace from their suffering.

Same here. They have found the absolute and endless peace. No more sorrow or struggles within this bloody disgusting society

 

[veryhappyhuman]

I was reading about flight crash incidents today and while not exactly envious, I couldn't help but fantasize occupying a seat in one of those planes as they went down. AFAIK it has to be one of the most painless (though not peaceful obviously) ways to die accidentally -- decompression and hypoxia knock you out first, then instant disintegration upon hitting terrain at near Mach 1. Plus it's an accidental death, for full plausible deniability. It sucks that non-ctbers had to die instead.

 

[ConstantPain]

I couldn't agree more! It's always awful hearing about non-ctbers dying. Lots of times they're parents and I so badly wish that I could die in their place. The Surfside condominium collapse was so tragic and awful for so many families. Meanwhile, I take medication that probably would have kept me knocked out enough to not suffer at all

 

[LeavingEarly]

Yeah I am jealous of those who passed already too.

 

[Forgetting5]

Yeah. I also get a feeling of happiness from suicides that succeeded in ways everyone says don't work (wrist cutting, jumping, etc)

 

[lofticries]

All the time unless they died in a slow painful way. But even then I feel embarrassed for being afraid of a lil discomfort in ctb methods. Sometimes I think I'm all talk despite being suicidal since early childhood.

 

[_smile_]

Yes, I always wish it was me. They had the strength to follow through and end their suffering.

 

[chloramine]

Yes, I feel bad for it and them (either because of the pain required to get to that moment or if they wanted to live that they lost that). It feels selfish, but my instinctive reaction is to wish it was me

 

[Deleted member 31858]

Always. I think I wish it had been me. Also when they kill someone I would like to have been me.