Am I being annoying? Am I coming across as close-minded, rude, argumentative?

[BitterlyAlive]

Be blunt. I appreciate people who say it like it is. I've been posting a lot and people can only take so much drama. I get it.

Also, my parents are saying it's my fault that my mental health issues have been out of control because I've been refusing hospitalization all year. I'd like opinions on that, too. Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

You're allowed to vent about whatever is going on in your mind/life. I may not have commented because I don't always know what to say so I keep my mouth shut in case I make things worse, but it doesn't bother me seeing your threads. Your threads may be about your drama, but they weren't created to make drama on SS.

I don't have much to say about the hospitalisation. It could actually help you or it could make you feel worse if you don't want to be there etc. Could be worth trying maybe? Unfortunately it's not that easy to control our mental health issues.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I don't personally think you are coming across as any of those things. I think you are coming across as confused, which is understandable.
Hospitalisation for psych issues is such a personal thing; there's no real way I can comment on your situation there. I was once offered it and I refused. I was right, it would have been totally inappropriate for me.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

You're allowed to vent about whatever is going on in your mind/life. I may not have commented because I don't always know what to say so I keep my mouth shut in case I make things worse, but it doesn't bother me seeing your threads. Your threads may be about your drama, but they weren't created to make drama on SS.

I don't have much to say about the hospitalisation. It could actually help you or it could make you feel worse if you don't want to be there etc. Could be worth trying maybe? Unfortunately it's not that easy to control our mental health issues.

You're fine, mate. It's hard to know what to say with personal situations, especially when you guys are only reading MY side. Thanks for the input. It's appreciated.

I don't personally think you are coming across as any of those things. I think you are coming across as confused, which is understandable.
Hospitalisation for psych issues is such a personal thing; there's no real way I can comment on your situation there. I was once offered it and I refused. I was right, it would have been totally inappropriate for me.

I guess you're right. I've been adamantly refusing it for so many reasons. I'm not trying to be an ass.

 

[waived]

I'll let you know if your posts are ever annoying and tell you how it is. Hospitalization isn't a cure-all and it isn't an instant cure even if it is an okay idea for someone to check into. Imo it sometimes takes a genuine effort to think about what you want. What do YOU want for treatment. What can you live with and what can't you live with. I don't think I can answer it for you but it is possible that everyone in the situation is approaching it in a way that makes things not much better when they could be.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'll let you know if your posts are ever annoying and tell you how it is. Hospitalization isn't a cure-all and it isn't an instant cure even if it is an okay idea for someone to check into. Imo it sometimes takes a genuine effort to think about what you want. What do YOU want for treatment. What can you live with and what can't you live with. I don't think I can answer it for you but it is possible that everyone in the situation is approaching it in a way that makes things not much better when they could be.

Thanks, mate. I appreciate the insight.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

You're cool in my book, vent until your heart is content!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Constructive feedback:

The answer to all of the questions in the title is no.

You have not been posting too much. What I appreciate when you post threads is that you engage, and you seem to me to thoughtfully consider the comments you recieve. What I observe is that sometimes when you're making progress, or someone validates what you're perceiving or doing for your own self, you will stop and call yourself a derogatory name to invalidate your actions and your self who is doing them. I get the impression that you have a running tape that says if you do things for your own well-being and get a clue about what's really going on, and do not give total consideration to those who oppose your best interests, then you are [insert negative label here].

Also, my parents are saying it's my fault that my mental health issues have been out of control because I've been refusing hospitalization all year. I'd like opinions on that, too. Thanks.

I put in bold the word that gives me pause. I think it's a reflection of who said it, not of you or your issues.

Overall, my perspective is that you're asking for help and receiving it, and you're standing up to bs, both of which may trigger self-stopping self-doubt if such actions were punished in the past.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

You're cool in my book, vent until your heart is content!

Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Looks to me like you are going through a process here and trying to figure out how you feel about things. If that helps sort through the confusion, then continuing to post in the same manner should be a good thing. It's one of the functions of this site for many people.

 

[greebo6]

No ,you have not been annoying. You come across just fine. Don't worry about it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@BitterlyAlive, buddy, I see you turning the negative focus on you. I want to turn the focus outward for a moment if okay.

I listened to something yesterday about narcissist/vampiring/controlling behavior. It makes me think of how your mother is acting in response to you suffering and not letting her have control over it, and not letting her be in the position of total power when you question her or disagree with her.

Here's what I got from what I listened to:

The narcissist/vampire/controlling person doesn't want you to love yourself or have self-worth, they want you to direct your love to them and value them. They don't want you to listen to yourself (or anyone else) or your feelings or your needs, they want you to listen to them and pay attention to their feelings and needs. They are like leeches that feed off of their targets, and they will feel like they're dying without the target's love, attention, respect, and whatever else they feed off of since they can't access it themselves for themselves. (It's so ridiculous that their actions drain off the target to the point of not functioning, of dying. Leeches not so smart, especially if they don't have more available sources of supply; sounds to me like maybe the leech draining off of you is rather isolated and has a small domain of control, but maybe that's projecting the person who leeched off of me). When you are your self, they feel like they are dying and will fight to stay alive, just as if you had your hands around their neck and were cutting off their oxygen supply and literally killing them, which they respond to with a surge of superhuman, adrenalized power. They will fight your self and try to destroy it so that they can maintain residence in you where they keep some of their self and feed off your life force. The narcissist/vampire/controller needs the target/source/supply in order to feel good about themselves. They need codependents, and codependents develop a need to feed and to not take up space in themselves since that's where others reside.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Constructive feedback:

The answer to all of the questions in the title is no.

You have not been posting too much. What I appreciate when you post threads is that you engage, and you seem to me to thoughtfully consider the comments you recieve. What I observe is that sometimes when you're making progress, or someone validates what you're perceiving or doing for your own self, you will stop and call yourself a derogatory name to invalidate your actions and your self who is doing them. I get the impression that you have a running tape that says if you do things for your own well-being and get a clue about what's really going on, and do not give total consideration to those who oppose your best interests, then you are [insert negative label here].




I put in bold the word that gives me pause. I think it's a reflection of who said it, not of you or your issues.

Overall, my perspective is that you're asking for help and receiving it, and you're standing up to bs, both of which may trigger self-stopping self-doubt if such actions were punished in the past.

Back in March, I did have a therapist say that I make too many excuses for my parents. I told her I was aware and thanked her. I make too many excuses for a lot of people. Probably because seemingly everything I say about myself or my mental health is met with "That's a cop-out!" or "That's an excuse!" So I overcompensate, I guess. That's why it made me so upset when my therapist said they thought I was making excuses. Because to me, these aren't excuses. They're legitimate and painful.

My dad just got mad at me earlier and said that I think my opinion is number one, that I refuse to listen to anyone who tells me I'm wrong. Tbh my first reactions were "Projection?" and "Coming from a guy who seems to love to tell people 'you're wrong'..." But it also hurt, because what if he's right? What if I'm just a close-minded asshole, and that's why I'm in this spot: off work because I can't cope, about to kill myself, struggling so much with therapy.

 

[foxdie]

You're too hard on yourself, I don't think you're any of those things in the title. Vent away!!! You seem very introspective tho which is an excellent trait to have but can be a double edged sword sometimes. You're in control of your mental health and your parents saying that seems like a really negative thing to say to someone who is struggling. Hugs

 

[Deleted member 1465]

What if I'm just a close-minded asshole

If that was the case, I doubt you would have made this thread.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Since you have me permission to go wild, IMO..


Truth! I'm dancing in the aisle yelling, "Preach!" :

My dad just got mad at me earlier and said that I think my opinion is number one, that I refuse to listen to anyone who tells me I'm wrong. Tbh my first reactions were "Projection?" and "Coming from a guy who seems to love to tell people 'you're wrong'..."

Perception-stopping, self-stopping tape that freaking hurts you to boot:

But it also hurt, because what if he's right? What if I'm just a close-minded asshole, and that's why I'm in this spot

I also was punished and not disciplined. I was forced to submit but never became submissive. I have a lot of respect for your analyses and reflections about your parents. I don't need to hear their side, I've been blasted enough by my own parents with their sides.

I send you support and appreciation.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I have a lot of respect for your analyses and reflections about your parents. I don't need to hear their side, I've been blasted enough by my own parents with their sides.

Thanks. This is after a year's worth of reflections, on my own. I still don't like my parents, but at least now I think I understand them better. Good point about your parents. Ugh.

I think there's still a lot of denial, despite a diagnosis and people pointing out trauma. I guess it's because, for me, questioning your own parents and holding such conflicting views hurts like hell. So it's safer to tell myself I'm lying and being dramatic, that I'm not actually traumatized. But my body says otherwise. Sigh

Do you remember those old School House Rock videos? Certain educational music videos, sung about politics, grammar, etc. Could be an American thing. But someone should make a song about projection and deflection. Both are such common but deadly coping mechanisms.

 

[Brackenshire]

Let it rip @BitterlyAlive ..your fine

 

[Giraffey]

We've spoken at length BA both publically here on the forum and in private and I don't think that there is a domain those conversations have yet to span. I'm afraid that I must phrase this with far less eloquence than some of the more learned posters above, but as we've previously talked about, your self-criticism is sometimes so wounding that it becomes a form of self-harm; to be deployed whenever someone compliments or praises you as if it were a necessity to restore the balance of light and dark; to recast the shadow of negativity in which you compel yourself to live.

Be that as it may, I have not shied away from offering you praise and commendation when I've felt it justified, particularly in the way you have handled certain tough situations and demonstrated commendable strength in attending therapy sessions, despite your misgivings; nor have I cowed to sycophantism, I've challenged you on your thinking about various things, and I appreciate that you have done the same for me, albeit qualified by apologies characteristic of the lack of value you often give to your own thoughts and opinions.

With that said then, I hope you will know that I am being both heartfelt and honest when I reassure you that I have never thought you post too frequently; or that your posts were too emotional, on the contrary, I delight in your willingness to express yourself with such candour, a vanishing quality in our increasingly censorious society. I think it is a mark of great strength that you are able to reflect upon your thought processes and emotions in the way that you have done above in response to @GoodPersonEffed; a vital skill that I firmly believe underpins both rational decisionmaking in suicide and more importantly, recovery - truly, it gives me great pride to see how you have kept that avenue open throughout your darkest weeks.

When you read this BA, I hope you will do so without the temptation to imply an ulterior motive; be it cowardice; politeness; ignorance; naivete, or any other dismissal your self-doubt may conjure. I appreciate your posts and I appreciate our chats.

If you must post for someone, it should be for yourself; but do so with the knowledge that your thoughts are appreciated and valued regardless of the anxious prose and self-deprecation I think we may all be guilty of from time to time. Despite the odd spiteful reply from the ignorant minority, I hope you will take heart from the replies to this thread and continue to furnish us with your thoughts and insights whenever they strike you.

Big hugs

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think it is a mark of great strength that you are able to reflect upon your thought processes and emotions in the way that you have done above in response to @GoodPersonEffed; a vital skill that I firmly believe underpins both rational decisionmaking in suicide and more importantly, recovery

I second this. I didn't want you to feel pressured, @BitterlyAlive, but I've been impressed with how you process in your responses to me. Now that someone else has said it, I want to affirm. And you know I don't do bs!

 

[Despondent]

I think you're good I love seeing you around, especially with that cute profile picture of yours!

You never know how much you miss someone's presence until they're gone. I'm not saying that you'd ever leave. What I'm trying to say is I wouldn't worry too much about being "annoying." You're far from meeting the criteria of an annoyance.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Thanks, everyone. You guys are too kind.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I don't feel particularly annoyed