Help Am I a wuss for wanting to CTB?

[literallyonein3]

Here are the reasons that I want to CTB (why do we say that? is it supposed to be euphemistic?)

• I'm a man, and I wish I was a woman. No, I'm not "trans", cause I'm sane enough to realize that I'll never, ever count as a woman. I've spent the past 8 years debating with myself about whether being trans is okay. At the start of this year, I got into a really good state about it and even started preparing to come out to people in real life, and I was really excited, it was going to happen, I could finally start living like a real person. But now I realize that will never happen. I'll never be a woman.
• I'm 20, and I'm supposed to get a job. My father has really been putting the pressure on me about it recently, and I just completely don't want one. I'm supposed to give away 8 hours of my day to someone else to do what they want? And then get home, and be too tired to even do what I want? I mean... it's not like I do that much anyway, but I'd like to, and this would just take the opportunity away from me completely. Plus, I'm LAZY.

And the thing is, I feel like these things are so.... normal to go through? Like maybe I'm just not seeing things right, and I can learn to be fine with this stuff. I don't have any mental issues, apart from autism, so... maybe I just have the wrong attitude about life? But, these things do seem like serious dealbreakers for me. The only times where I feel optimistic is when i convince myself that these things really aren't a part of life. So like... am I unwarranted for wanting to commit suicide?

P.S.: I feel like the two things i listed are like... connected? Like, apart from these issues in and of themselves, they also give me self esteem problems, and the idea that I'm some lazy NEET that doesn't even wash kind of goes hand-in-hand with the idea that I'm some creepy tr*nny that doesn't even wash. Sorry about the language, this is just how I feel.

Any thoughts on anything would be appreciated.

 

[Yogih212]

You're not a wuss, but I'll be completely honest and say that these are normal phases of our life we go through inevitably. Getting a job and stuff and feeling obligated to do certain things, that's just a part of being on this earth I guess. As long as you're physically healthy, honestly, you can get through this if you really want to and no you're not a wuss, but you're just looking for a way out I suppose.

 

[literallyonein3]

You're not a wuss, but I'll be completely honest and say that these are normal phases of our life we go through inevitably. Getting a job and stuff and feeling obligated to do certain things, that's just a part of being on this earth I guess. As long as you're physically healthy, honestly, you can get through this if you really want to and no you're not a wuss, but you're just looking for a way out I suppose.

Yeah, it's like, I really don't have it that bad, but I feel like, is that just what life is gonna be like? What if I'm just... not interested?

 

[shiftypenguin]

i'm 24 and currently in the process of weaning off hrt after 2 years on estrogen. things were just never gonna work out for me. male puberty ruined me and "female puberty" finished the job. i should've just stuck to repressing. i look horrific and i think i have a brain tumor or had a stroke somewhere down the line. my memory is really foggy and i don't remember most of my life. i never worked a day in my life and now i can't even go out in public due to my appearance. i'm completely dependent on my parents who never even acknowledged my transition. i see now way out except a rope because i've been in the psych ward and can't get a gun. i feel like a literal zombie

 

[scary]

Here are the reasons that I want to CTB (why do we say that? is it supposed to be euphemistic?)

• I'm a man, and I wish I was a woman. No, I'm not "trans", cause I'm sane enough to realize that I'll never, ever count as a woman. I've spent the past 8 years debating with myself about whether being trans is okay. At the start of this year, I got into a really good state about it and even started preparing to come out to people in real life, and I was really excited, it was going to happen, I could finally start living like a real person. But now I realize that will never happen. I'll never be a woman.

First of all, as someone who has gender dysphoria i'm going through the exact same thing but in the opposite direction. I'm also 20 and unemployed. Don't ever think that your problems are "not worthy" of CTB or that you're a "wuss". People who say that suicide is the cowards way out are cowards themselves.