Am I a Manipulator?

[Chupacabra 44]

I am 100% pro choice for anyone over 18. To me, what makes this site great, in particular, is that there is clear information on CTB methods to ensure better results, if and when the time comes. No one wants to end up brain dead, paraplegic, etc.

I was looking at the manipulation tactic thread earlier and it got me thinking. My personal hope is that the relatively younger people here figure out a way to keep fighting, unless you have a terminal disease, a significant treatment resistant mental issue, etc. I know there have been other older members, past and present, who share my view on this.

But, who the hell am I to try and encourage you to keep going if I see an open Avenue via your thread that you started to potentially "reach you". Right? Again, I'm 100% pro choice, but does this feel the opposite to you? As a relatively younger member does this piss you off?

Can you understand why some of us in middle age members are rooting for you younger members to turn it around?

I'm a new poster and want to cross check my posting approach. I'm thinking if they are posting and seeking advice and my objective is ideally that I might be able to help them keep going, then this shouldn't reek of manipulation on my end, or does it?

I'm trying to think back to when I was 20 years old how would I take it something like this. Not sure. I might see it as hypocritical, or something.

Thanks for helping me gut check.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Ugh...

There are many users here who claim to be 18 and then you see they've already signed up on this forum more than a year ago, when they were allegedly over 18.

Just these days there was a thread of somebody who wanted to "skip school" by taking a bit of SN...

So I'm highly skeptical when I hear of stories of people who claim to be 18-20 or so.

Also, pretty much all of us are pro-choice, apart from pro-lifers lurking around. I don't want to speak for others, but I think ctb around 18-20 is a delicate subject because (1) do they really have enough life experience to know how things will progress? (2) can they make an informed decision? This is strictly referring to young folks with no history of mental illness etc. I wouldn't want a young Mary to ctb because of her first break up or a bad grade in an exam, but if there are serious issues at stake, there is a delicate line and we should tread carefully in our responses.

But, who the hell am I to try and encourage you to keep going if I see an open Avenue via your thread that you started to potentially "reach you".

What do you mean by that, I didn't get it?

 

[yep]

Honestly i Don't think age really matters from kids to the elderly bad shit happens all the time. A newly born baby can die by a drunk driver, a elderly woman can fall down the stairs and die. If you feel like it's your time to go then, it's your time to go, and there's nothing wrong with thinking the way you do. You care and that's a good thing, but I bet a 80 year old could tell you not to commit because you're too "young".

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Thanks for the response.

That part wae poorly phrased. Just the idea of I can watch for a member starting a thread like "I'm thinking of CTB because I'm over weight and I can't lose weight".....I see that I think....okay I know lots about nutrition, so here is my chance to chime in to try and help them lose weight so as to not CTB. Is it wrong for me to think this way, because I perceive an Avenue to potentially coach and encourage them to implement strategies to lose weight because I prefer they wouldn't CTB ideally? Am I over stepping boundaries, because the outcome I want to see is the person to lose weight and end up in the recovery section of the forum. Hence, "who the hell am I......"

Still phrased awkwardly but hope it makes better sense.

Honestly i Don't think age really matters from kids to the elderly bad shit happens all the time. A newly born baby can die by a drunk driver, a elderly woman can fall down the stairs and die. If you feel like it's your time to go then, it's your time to go, and there's nothing wrong with thinking the way you do. You care and that's a good thing, but I bet a 80 year old could tell you not to commit because you're too "young".

Touche. Nice response. The 80 year old remark is very insightful and has me laughing. You give much better perspective with your reply.

 

[checkouttime]

I know there have been other older members, past and present, who share my view on this.

Can i just ask have you been a member here before? just you joined on sunday, yet speak about past and present members...."there have been other older members, past and present, who share my view on this." like you have been here for a while?

like past and present over the last 3 days?

 

[yep]

Thanks for the response.

That part wae poorly phrased. Just the idea of I can watch for a member starting a thread like "I'm thinking of CTB because I'm over weight and I can't lose weight".....I see that I think....okay I know lots about nutrition, so here is my chance to chime in to try and help them lose weight so as to not CTB. Is it wrong for me to think this way, because I perceive an Avenue to potentially coach and encourage them to implement strategies to lose weight because I prefer they wouldn't CTB ideally? Am I over stepping boundaries, because the outcome I want to see is the person to lose weight and end up in the recovery section of the forum. Hence, "who the hell am I......"

Still phrased awkwardly but hope it makes better sense.




Touche. Nice response. The 80 year old remark is very insightful and has me laughing. You give much better perspective with your reply.

I definitely understand that and it's great that you have a very caring personality. I think your mindset helps a lot of people who are either being implosive or just on the edge to really think if they actually want to die.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Manipulation to me is going in a back or side door to influence someone to do your will rather than their own. And sometimes we manipulate ourselves to justify our behavior or actions.

Honestly? There was a manipulation tactic in the OP!

"I know there have been other older members, past and present, who share my view on this."

That's triangulation, a power play to reinforce and justify a weak position, either to yourself or to others, or both. "Others agree with me, it's not just me." It seems to empower, but it really reveals weakness because of using others to bolster and/or to shield.

As far as wanting younger folks to live, I've come across explanations for that which say that it is a part of human survival to save the young. People will risk their lives to rescue a child in danger, but not necessarily an adult. It may not be an ethical instinct but a biological one, as someone younger is more capable to keep the species going. So I'd caution against making it moral, or romanticizing youth, akin to romanticizing motherhood. Young people have unbearable shit, too. In addition, if they have a treatment resistant mental illness, to me that would signify hopelessness for relief regardless of age.

Hope this helped you work things out. I can tell you're having an internal struggle, I respect that you're seeking input to help you figure it out. Perhaps instead of manipulation, you may want to consider, "Am I unduly attempting to impose my will?"

 

[muffin222]

I sympathize with your line of reasoning. I can imagine that, as an older person, it must be frustrating and worrying to read about young adults wanting to end their lives, especially when you can recollect how you felt and thought at the age vs how you view life now.

I think that what a lot of people on this forum truly seek is understanding and validation of their pain, an escape from the pro-life rhetoric of "you're too young! You haven't even lived yet". That's the beauty of SS, in my opinion. As noble as your intentions may be, I do think that it's alienating to members on here to be told, overtly or implicitly, that their age disqualifies them from being able to make sound decisions about their lives. We can't possibly know everyone's individual circumstances, even if they're a frequent poster on the forum.

I'm certainly not saying that we should just throw our hands in the air and say, "Yeah, sure, just kill yourself", but I do think that people's pain and suffering that has led them to the point of contemplating suicide as a way out should be honored and validated, regardless of age. Throwing out the age card in the face of that pain and suffering does sound a bit dismissive to me. I can think of very few situations where that response would be welcome, desired, or helpful to someone on here posting out of a place of deep despair

It's a delicate line, like GoneGoneGone stated above

 

[checkouttime]

"I know there have been other older members, past and present, who share my view on this."

They joined on sunday,yet speak like they have been around for a long time. has their been any people CTB since sunday? I don't think their has been?

It doesn't make sense to me!!

 

[Stick]

Ideally, if someone can grow stronger and live a healthy life then that is what they should try and do. Seeing someone in their time of need and giving them advice to try and help them isn't manipulative. Honestly, most suicides are impulsive and not that thought out. The people on this forum are kinda an exception for the most part. If you see someone who you believe has hope and you try to help them, that is good. The problem with pro-lifers is that they don't respect or understand the decision to die.
Let me put it this way. I'm only 18, and I completely understand why some of you older users would be suspicious. I don't post about every aspect of my life, and some of the reasons for my ctb are kind of personal so I often just recent events that were particularly distressing, or that I've just been thinking about. My first post I think was about not getting a college scholarship and some other superficial things. If you had seen that post, saw I was 18, and thought that I want to die because of money or a mistake my school made or something, I could understand why you would want to try and convince me to get over better. That's a fixable problem. I would not be offended by your advice, nor is it crossing a line.
A manipulative response would be something that attempts to distort my thinking. They might try to guilt trip me. I can't post links but I saw a social media post recently where the op said to imagine the families reaction if you were to die. They said " They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down." Another part said " That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you'll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses." This kind of thing isn't going to make me change my decision. It's going to make me sad. The kinds of people who that would help are impulsive, which are usually not the people who come to this forum. With this kind of language, they are not trying to help me, they are just trying to force me to do something that they think is correct. That is manipulation. They are forcing me not to be able to talk about my issues and my true feelings.
Again, a happy life is better than suicide. Many suicidal people, especially around my age, do think that their problems won't go away simply because they have not received the proper help to deal with them. You trying to offer and that help is good. It is not manipulative. At least, not the kind of help I see you talking about.
As some users have pointed out above, it isn't black and white. But I don't think you are in the wrong.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

They joined on sunday,yet speak like they have been around for a long time. has their been any people CTB since sunday? I don't think their has been?

It doesn't make sense to me!!

They've said in other threads they've been lurking the forum since before I was a member.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Can i just ask have you been a member here before? just you joined on sunday, yet speak about past and present members...."there have been other older members, past and present, who share my view on this." like you have been here for a while?

like past and present over the last 3 days?

Astute observation. I've been a compulsive lurker since the end of last October, and a string of recent posts sucked me into joining over the weekend. Additionally, I started reading posts that interest me from day 1 of the forums inception, and worked towards the pressent day to get a better understanding of dynamics and the evolution of the site.

 

[checkouttime]

Astute observation. I've been a compulsive lurker since the end of last October, and a string of recent posts sucked me into joining over the weekend. Additionally, I started reading posts that interest me from day 1 of the forums inception, and worked towards the pressent day to get a better understanding of dynamics and the evolution of the site.

Thankyou for the reply, I was just a bit confused. makes sense now though!!! I think the whole 'string of recent posts' thing is what got me asking the question in the 1st place!!

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Manipulation to me is going in a back or side door to influence someone to do your will rather than their own. And sometimes we manipulate ourselves to justify our behavior or actions.

Honestly? There was a manipulation tactic in the OP!

"I know there have been other older members, past and present, who share my view on this."

That's triangulation, a power play to reinforce and justify a weak position, either to yourself or to others, or both. "Others agree with me, it's not just me." It seems to empower, but it really reveals weakness because of using others to bolster and/or to shield.

As far as wanting younger folks to live, I've come across explanations for that which say that it is a part of human survival to save the young. People will risk their lives to rescue a child in danger, but not necessarily an adult. It may not be an ethical instinct but a biological one, as someone younger is more capable to keep the species going. So I'd caution against making it moral, or romanticizing youth, akin to romanticizing motherhood. Young people have unbearable shit, too. In addition, if they have a treatment resistant mental illness, to me that would signify hopelessness for relief regardless of age.

Hope this helped you work things out. I can tell you're having an internal struggle, I respect that you're seeking input to help you figure it out. Perhaps instead of manipulation, you may want to consider, "Am I unduly attempting to impose my will?"

Thanks for the feedback. My thinking of the "other members....." Was not from a position of power, but rather a position of weakness. I used that as a safety net to lessen the likelihood of getting torched by others. It was me deploying "circling the wagons", or "there is safety in number". I felt extremely exposed and vulnerable with my post and was trying to better self protect as I sought clarity. I have horrible anxiety and I was anxious of getting flamed by everybody, because I never properly calculate how I am coming across to others. Life long disfunction for me. Thus, I'm a recluse and I am a historical lurker on forums.

And, I apologize for how I came in my first post with you. I was sleep-deprived, because I saw stuff on the site that troubled me and I could not sleep. Bipolar with 48 hours with no sleep equals bad combo. I knew 50/50 my remarks would come off wrong.....par for the course.....welcome to my life. But. I mistakenly chose to roll the dice. Clearly, my desire to attempt humor was wrong. I apologize.

100% not being defensive on my end, just trying to clarify.

The title post was a two second thought process, so it has me thinking about my question posed to you earlier - subconscious manipulation. I went for the "wow factor" because I wanted people to read it. The old saying in marketing is "don't sell the steak, sell the sizzle". So, perhaps I can hide behind my professors in grad school for this faux pas?

I hope I am not sounding defensive, because I don't feel defensive whatsoever. These concepts that you present are mostly new to me; and, I seek personal growth. Let's see if I can break the old saying. "Can't teach an old dog new tricks"

I definitely understand that and it's great that you have a very caring personality. I think your mindset helps a lot of people who are either being implosive or just on the edge to really think if they actually want to die.

Thanks, but the challenge for me is discerning who is who. Trial and error? But, I guess wrong way too often. I have major anxiety, and hate getting flamed.

I sympathize with your line of reasoning. I can imagine that, as an older person, it must be frustrating and worrying to read about young adults wanting to end their lives, especially when you can recollect how you felt and thought at the age vs how you view life now.

I think that what a lot of people on this forum truly seek is understanding and validation of their pain, an escape from the pro-life rhetoric of "you're too young! You haven't even lived yet". That's the beauty of SS, in my opinion. As noble as your intentions may be, I do think that it's alienating to members on here to be told, overtly or implicitly, that their age disqualifies them from being able to make sound decisions about their lives. We can't possibly know everyone's individual circumstances, even if they're a frequent poster on the forum.

I'm certainly not saying that we should just throw our hands in the air and say, "Yeah, sure, just kill yourself", but I do think that people's pain and suffering that has led them to the point of contemplating suicide as a way out should be honored and validated, regardless of age. Throwing out the age card in the face of that pain and suffering does sound a bit dismissive to me. I can think of very few situations where that response would be welcome, desired, or helpful to someone on here posting out of a place of deep despair

It's a delicate line, like GoneGoneGone stated above

Thanks for the well thought out and articulate response.

They joined on sunday,yet speak like they have been around for a long time. has their been any people CTB since sunday? I don't think their has been?

It doesn't make sense to me!!

See post number 12.

I sympathize with your line of reasoning. I can imagine that, as an older person, it must be frustrating and worrying to read about young adults wanting to end their lives, especially when you can recollect how you felt and thought at the age vs how you view life now.

I think that what a lot of people on this forum truly seek is understanding and validation of their pain, an escape from the pro-life rhetoric of "you're too young! You haven't even lived yet". That's the beauty of SS, in my opinion. As noble as your intentions may be, I do think that it's alienating to members on here to be told, overtly or implicitly, that their age disqualifies them from being able to make sound decisions about their lives. We can't possibly know everyone's individual circumstances, even if they're a frequent poster on the forum.

I'm certainly not saying that we should just throw our hands in the air and say, "Yeah, sure, just kill yourself", but I do think that people's pain and suffering that has led them to the point of contemplating suicide as a way out should be honored and validated, regardless of age. Throwing out the age card in the face of that pain and suffering does sound a bit dismissive to me. I can think of very few situations where that response would be welcome, desired, or helpful to someone on here posting out of a place of deep despair

It's a delicate line, like GoneGoneGone stated above

Thanks for the well thought out and articulate response.

Ideally, if someone can grow stronger and live a healthy life then that is what they should try and do. Seeing someone in their time of need and giving them advice to try and help them isn't manipulative. Honestly, most suicides are impulsive and not that thought out. The people on this forum are kinda an exception for the most part. If you see someone who you believe has hope and you try to help them, that is good. The problem with pro-lifers is that they don't respect or understand the decision to die.
Let me put it this way. I'm only 18, and I completely understand why some of you older users would be suspicious. I don't post about every aspect of my life, and some of the reasons for my ctb are kind of personal so I often just recent events that were particularly distressing, or that I've just been thinking about. My first post I think was about not getting a college scholarship and some other superficial things. If you had seen that post, saw I was 18, and thought that I want to die because of money or a mistake my school made or something, I could understand why you would want to try and convince me to get over better. That's a fixable problem. I would not be offended by your advice, nor is it crossing a line.
A manipulative response would be something that attempts to distort my thinking. They might try to guilt trip me. I can't post links but I saw a social media post recently where the op said to imagine the families reaction if you were to die. They said " They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down." Another part said " That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you'll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses." This kind of thing isn't going to make me change my decision. It's going to make me sad. The kinds of people who that would help are impulsive, which are usually not the people who come to this forum. With this kind of language, they are not trying to help me, they are just trying to force me to do something that they think is correct. That is manipulation. They are forcing me not to be able to talk about my issues and my true feelings.
Again, a happy life is better than suicide. Many suicidal people, especially around my age, do think that their problems won't go away simply because they have not received the proper help to deal with them. You trying to offer and that help is good. It is not manipulative. At least, not the kind of help I see you talking about.
As some users have pointed out above, it isn't black and white. But I don't think you are in the wrong.
[/QUOTE

Thanks for your articulate thoughts. Your level of self awareness is high.

BTW, I recall seeing your OP about the scholarship. I was lurking back then.

 

[noaccount]

Thanks for the response.

That part wae poorly phrased. Just the idea of I can watch for a member starting a thread like "I'm thinking of CTB because I'm over weight and I can't lose weight".....I see that I think....okay I know lots about nutrition, so here is my chance to chime in to try and help them lose weight so as to not CTB. Is it wrong for me to think this way, because I perceive an Avenue to potentially coach and encourage them to implement strategies to lose weight because I prefer they wouldn't CTB ideally? Am I over stepping boundaries, because the outcome I want to see is the person to lose weight and end up in the recovery section of the forum. Hence, "who the hell am I......"

Still phrased awkwardly but hope it makes better sense.



Touche. Nice response. The 80 year old remark is very insightful and has me laughing. You give much better perspective with your reply.

I would say it is wrong only in that the weight loss advice rarely works, and that people do indeed wind up dying from calorie restriction and its complications more commonly than from the complications of most other mental health conditions.

But no I don't think that trying to share perspective is wrong or comparable to being anti-choice.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Thanks for the feedback. My thinking of the "other members....." Was not from a position of power, but rather a position of weakness. I used that as a safety net to lessen the likelihood of getting torched by others. It was me deploying "circling the wagons", or "there is safety in number". I felt extremely exposed and vulnerable with my post and was trying to better self protect as I sought clarity. I have horrible anxiety and I was anxious of getting flamed by everybody, because I never properly calculate how I am coming across to others. Life long disfunction for me. Thus, I'm a recluse and I am a historical lurker on forums.

And, I apologize for how I came in my first post with you. I was sleep-deprived, because I saw stuff on the site that troubled me and I could not sleep. Bipolar with 48 hours with no sleep equals bad combo. I knew 50/50 my remarks would come off wrong.....par for the course.....welcome to my life. But. I mistakenly chose to roll the dice. Clearly, my desire to attempt humor was wrong. I apologize.

100% not being defensive on my end, just trying to clarify.

The title post was a two second thought process, so it has me thinking about my question posed to you earlier - subconscious manipulation. I went for the "wow factor" because I wanted people to read it. The old saying in marketing is "don't sell the steak, sell the sizzle". So, perhaps I can hide behind my professors in grad school for this faux pas?

I hope I am not sounding defensive, because I don't feel defensive whatsoever. These concepts that you present are mostly new to me; and, I seek personal growth. Let's see if I can break the old saying. "Can't teach an old dog new tricks"

Ah, things are making more sense now.

I wasn't sure how to take your first post, so I just didn't respond. I didn't think you were being aggressive with me, but I couldn't figure out what was going on. I didn't want you to feel hurt by ignoring you after you'd reached out, but I figured that was preferable to any other reaction because it would have been a reaction and not a response, or giving affection in order to soothe you which would have been emotionally dishonest. Not engaging was the most authentic and least harmful response I could come up with.

But yeah, I can see with that post and with this one that you have fear and so do little moves to deflect potential attacks. Only I think that may unintentionally backfire, because it draws attention away from what you really want, and instead draws attention to the deflection, like, "What is he really trying to do here?" That can cause suspicion or send up little red flags, so intead of being protected, embraced and understood, you may instead experience wariness and misunderstanding.

Like setting up the thread with sizzle, these are all little manipulations, they're not emotionally or intellectualy authentic and genuine, so you might set yourself up for little battles that you're trying to avoid. Of course battles happen here, and not everyone responds kindly, but I find that those who are vulnerable about what they feel and think get the warmest and most empathetic responses.

You might be interested in Brene Brown's TedTalks about vulnerability, shame, and courage, especially what she quotes from Theodore Roosevelt about the man in the arena. Showing up means one is likely to take some hits, but think about whoever is responding -- are they in the cheap seats, are they who you would want to invite to support you and cheer you on, or do they engage and give constructive comments or criticism that edifies you? If they're in the cheap seats, just jeering at you and throwing tomatoes, there's a lovely thing called the ignore button that will help you keep clean. (Also, those little self-protective moves, for those who are here to be in the cheap seats, they'll smell the fear in that.) I know it may not be easy, but if you can have the balls to say what you have to say, or ask what you have to ask, and say, "Please don't hurt me" if you're feeling especially vulnerable, I think you'll experience more safety and smoother interactions.

Just my thoughts to do with as you choose. :)

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Ah, things are making more sense now.

I wasn't sure how to take your first post, so I just didn't respond. I didn't think you were being aggressive with me, but I couldn't figure out what was going on. I didn't want you to feel hurt by ignoring you after you'd reached out, but I figured that was preferable to any other reaction because it would have been a reaction and not a response, or giving affection in order to soothe you which would have been emotionally dishonest. Not engaging was the most authentic and least harmful response I could come up with.

But yeah, I can see with that post and with this one that you have fear and so do little moves to deflect potential attacks. Only I think that may unintentionally backfire, because it draws attention away from what you really want, and instead draws attention to the deflection, like, "What is he really trying to do here?" That can cause suspicion or send up little red flags, so intead of being protected, embraced and understood, you may instead experience wariness and misunderstanding.

Like setting up the thread with sizzle, these are all little manipulations, they're not emotionally or intellectualy authentic and genuine, so you might set yourself up for little battles that you're trying to avoid. Of course battles happen here, and not everyone responds kindly, but I find that those who are vulnerable about what they feel and think get the warmest and most empathetic responses.

You might be interested in Brene Brown's TedTalks about vulnerability, shame, and courage, especially what she quotes from Theodore Roosevelt about the man in the arena. Showing up means one is likely to take some hits, but think about whoever is responding -- are they in the cheap seats, are they who you would want to invite to support you and cheer you on, or do they engage and give constructive comments or criticism that edifies you? If they're in the cheap seats, just jeering at you and throwing tomatoes, there's a lovely thing called the ignore button that will help you keep clean. (Also, those little self-protective moves, for those who are here to be in the cheap seats, they'll smell the fear in that.) I know it may not be easy, but if you can have the balls to say what you have to say, or ask what you have to ask, and say, "Please don't hurt me" if you're feeling especially vulnerable, I think you'll experience more safety and smoother interactions.

Just my thoughts to do with as you choose. :)

Thanks for the valuable tips. I'll investigate your recommendations.

I ancipate little personal upside here for me to be a posting member. Hence, in part, this thread, to see should I hang if in fact I could add altruistic value to others. If I can reach just one 20 year old to hang on and keep trying, I might want to stay. Otherwise, maybe not.

There were several threads I felt the need to chime in on and I did so.

I have zero stress management skills. Just the anxiety of posting with my history of coming across wrong endlessly (the whole universe can't be upside down - it has to be me) so what is the point.

As silly as it seems my sleep is being disrupted, so I need to protect myself and not get triggered; circadian rhythms are key for my personal care. I'll decide the next couple of days probably.

Regarding some of these nuances, I highly doubt many others are skilled to read between the lines like you, but maybe I'm mistaken. You're running marathons while some of us are learning to walk.

BTW, there are a couple of dozens poster whom I followed closely over the ten months and you were one of them, obviously. Your spunky post of cruising around in Mexico looking for N is the post that had me following your story. And as an aside, I clearly can see that your personal growth has been tremendous. Do you remember your little encounter with spaceforgrace? I feel the personal growth from you has been so significant since then, as you have worked out issues on your end. I see it crystal clear. I trust you see this within yourself.

Trust this information does not feel violating for you, but what I'm observing is we are being honest with each other.

I think you would be a natural as a therapist, or a school counselor, from what I've seen in you. I'd pay you for therapy given your skill set.

 

[Nymph]

I'm 18 and I understand why someone someone would want me to fight and try to survive because something might change and I will want to go on. But I personally feel like I'm destined to ctb because of how I am. I just wasn't made for this world and I hate the fact that I just need to study->work->die. I don't want to have obligations and work for my entire life. Id rather die. And there's no way to just "not work" so there literally isn't a different solution

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

BTW, there are a couple of dozens poster whom I followed closely over the ten months and you were one of them, obviously. Your spunky post of cruising around in Mexico looking for N is the post that had me following your story. And as an aside, I clearly can see that your personal growth has been tremendous. Do you remember your little encounter with spaceforgrace? I feel the personal growth from you has been so significant since then, as you have worked out issues on your end. I see it crystal clear. I trust you see this within yourself.

Trust this information does not feel violating for you, but what I'm observing is we are being honest with each other.

It's not that we're being honest with each other about each other, but that you solicited opinions about yourself, while I did not. And yes, it does feel violating.

Take care.

 

[muffin222]

It's not that we're being honest with each other about each other, but that you solicited opinions about yourself, while I did not. And yes, it does feel violating.

Take care.

That was a very strange and unsolicited personal assessment of you by OP. I don't think it was intended to sound patronizing, but I certainly read it in that tone. Strange and almost...paternal in a way that feels a bit inappropriate for a stranger

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm thinking if they are posting and seeking advice and my objective is ideally that I might be able to help them keep going, then this shouldn't reek of manipulation on my end, or does it?

I know you would like to help but that's not the purpose of the site and we are supposed to stay out of their decision to ctb. Age is not a factor at all. I agree it's tempting and extra tragic when it's someone younger but remember our place here. It's not as rescuers.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

That was a very strange and unsolicited personal assessment of you by OP. I don't think it was intended to sound patronizing, but I certainly read it in that tone. Strange and almost...paternal in a way that feels a bit inappropriate for a stranger

Thank you for voicing your observations.

If you want to, I recommend reading his other posts in which he tagged me. Major stalker vibe going on all around, including love-bombing, patronizing, telling me a revisionist version of my own past experiences (i.e., gaslighting) and other creepy things. I've hit my limit and made use of the ignore button I recommended in a previous comment here.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Thanks for the feedback. Apologies all the way around. I'm going to close my account, after I read through my in box here today. Not guilting anyone, whatsoever. 100% sincere with this statement about closing my account without trying to guilt anyone!

It fascinates me how I just never developed the interpersonal personal tools to comprehend how I come across IRL or here on this site now. This has been a completely frustrating aspect to myself.

Difficult for me to articulate to my therapist(s), regarding this problem with myself. IRL my wife (now ex) would have to translate what I intended to mean in conversations with our friends based on how I express myself. I was coming accross wrong to nearly everyone oftentimes, but she knew me so well, she would rephrase what I was intending to communicate. It was like she served as my translator oftentimes when communicating with our friends.

Every job I've ever had, I've had this problem, as well. Would say the wrong stuff to my bosses, etc. Life is difficulty with this aspect of myself.

IRL I unitentional piss everybody off eventually. It fascinates me so much that I have this disfunction and never got it figured out on my end!

I'm middle aged so I can handle the direct and honest feedback without becoming defensive and/or doing any type of guilting on my end. 100% sincere.

To underscore this point, it's just another example of "what's always been shall always be" or seemingly so, when it's comes to my human interactions. Not seeking pity from anyone, whatsoever. Just helps me articulate why life has been so challenging to me.

I'm a recluse, because I grew tired of pissing everybody off IRL. I've come to accept this aspect of myself and relazie it's just part of my overall disfunction.

Not trying to justify myself - just clarify.

Again, 100% sincere apologies to all of whom I offended. And if you are reading this, and I haven't pissed you off yet, it would just be a matter of time until I did so given my 50 year track record.

Sorry for the sophomoric use of emojis, but might just help to understand that I'm being sincere.

 

[RC90]

Ugh...

There are many users here who claim to be 18 and then you see they've already signed up on this forum more than a year ago, when they were allegedly over 18.

Just these days there was a thread of somebody who wanted to "skip school" by taking a bit of SN...

So I'm highly skeptical when I hear of stories of people who claim to be 18-20 or so.

Also, pretty much all of us are pro-choice, apart from pro-lifers lurking around. I don't want to speak for others, but I think ctb around 18-20 is a delicate subject because (1) do they really have enough life experience to know how things will progress? (2) can they make an informed decision? This is strictly referring to young folks with no history of mental illness etc. I wouldn't want a young Mary to ctb because of her first break up or a bad grade in an exam, but if there are serious issues at stake, there is a delicate line and we should tread carefully in our responses.

What do you mean by that, I didn't get it?

Yeah I agree with you on that, that girl that wanted to skip school is def less than 18. But the mods can't really do much about that unfortunately. There's so e stories also of ops who are 40s and 50s and pretend they are 20. So, anyone can be whoever they want online unfortunately.

 

[Drowning fish]

Who are you to choose who should live or die ?
Young people go through hell too. Maybe they're beaten up at home, maybe they're bullied, maybe they get raped everyday, etc. Being young doesn't mean living a healthy life.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

That was a very strange and unsolicited personal assessment of you by OP. I don't think it was intended to sound patronizing, but I certainly read it in that tone. Strange and almost...paternal in a way that feels a bit inappropriate for a stranger

Thank you very much for your observation.

Thank you for voicing your observations.

If you want to, I recommend reading his other posts in which he tagged me. Major stalker vibe going on all around, including love-bombing, patronizing, telling me a revisionist version of my own past experiences (i.e., gaslighting) and other creepy things. I've hit my limit and made use of the ignore button I recommended in a previous comment here.

Wow. Sorry it felt that way on your end.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm middle aged so I can handle the direct and honest feedback without becoming defensive and/or doing any type of guilting on my end.

If that's true then why leave? I suggest you simply put anyone on ignore who triggers a defensive response. That's what I do if someone makes me feel like I have to explain myself or defend myself or what I wrote. That goes for anyone here. Use the ignore button. It makes things a lot more pleasant.

In particular notice if someone directs something at you that makes you feel bad, with a lot of the word "you" in the comment, such as you did this, you said that, etc. Or if someone makes a comment that refers to you in the third person, such as "he did this, he did that" meaning you did it. This is usually a form of bullying on a forum.

Another bullying tactic is if someone tells you, or tells someone else, that they have put you on ignore. It's meant to cause hurt.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

If that's true then why leave? I suggest you simply put anyone on ignore who triggers a defensive response. That's what I do if someone makes me feel like I have to explain myself or defend myself or what I wrote. That goes for anyone here. Use the ignore button. It makes things a lot more pleasant.

In particular notice if someone directs something at you that makes you feel bad, with a lot of the word "you" in the comment, such as you did this, you said that, etc. Or if someone makes a comment that refers to you in the third person, such as "he did this, he did that" meaning you did it. This is usually a form of bullying on a forum.

Another bullying tactic is if someone tells you, or tells someone else, that they have put you on ignore. It's meant to cause hurt.

Thank you for the feedback.

I will try and think how I could possibly make it work for myself and others. I don't need headaches, nor do others who I will inadvertently piss off.

If that's true then why leave? I suggest you simply put anyone on ignore who triggers a defensive response. That's what I do if someone makes me feel like I have to explain myself or defend myself or what I wrote. That goes for anyone here. Use the ignore button. It makes things a lot more pleasant.

In particular notice if someone directs something at you that makes you feel bad, with a lot of the word "you" in the comment, such as you did this, you said that, etc. Or if someone makes a comment that refers to you in the third person, such as "he did this, he did that" meaning you did it. This is usually a form of bullying on a forum.

Another bullying tactic is if someone tells you, or tells someone else, that they have put you on ignore. It's meant to cause hurt.

That really is good insight for me and I have noticed one user here always relishes making a formal proclamacion each time they put someone on ignore. Absolutely, silly to me.

This is my first ever interaction on a form. Maybe it will be like IRL were 90% of the people here will dislike me, but the other 10% will absolutely love me, and all my shortcomings?

 

[Shero]

Hey, im in my twenties.
I try to see the good intention behind statements that i could interpret as being hurtful. If i can't, then why bother to interact or even look at what someone wrote if it startles me?

Don't worry to much about what other people think about you, here are alot of open-minded people that listen to what you write and don't necessarily see it as an attack.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Hey, im in my twenties.
I try to see the good intention behind statements that i could interpret as being hurtful. If i can't, then why bother to interact or even look at what someone wrote if it startles me?

Don't worry to much about what other people think about you, here are alot of open-minded people that listen to what you write and don't necessarily see it as an attack.

Thanks for your opinion. I'm quickly learning, who the 10% on the board who like me are going to be and the other 90% can block me, as I can them. Lol

I'm new here and once I figure out how the "follows" and "ignores" work I will get buzzy on my end setting it up.

I don't do any social media or any of that. So, this is all virgin territory for me, as I tippy toe (wearing my lead shoes) through these dynamics.

Thanks again.