Venting am i a joke bc i joke about my depression?

[emptywings]

i told my psych everything. everything except my ctb plan. i think she took it too lightly because she tried to motivate me to keep going by having me imagine what my future could look like if i stayed alive. honestly, trying to picture myself in the future was really discouraging, and i ended up crying right there. i feel like she didn't understand that i genuinely don't want to be alive anymore. i think she just saw it as me going through a depressive episode.

i tried telling my partner what's been going on and what my psych told me, but i basically told he like it was nothing. i was laughing about how i quit my meds cold turkey and was dealing with the aftermath. i was laughing even more when i told he i have to start seeing my psychiatrist again too.

they didn't really take it badly or take it that seriously. they didn't ask me anything. it was just a normal conversation. i didn't even tell them half of what's actually been going on, or that i've been having suicidal thoughts or that i have a plan. nothing.


do you think this was some kind of defense mechanism? because i feel like such an idiot. i don't understand why i can joke about all of this when i'm talking about it, but then i'm alone in my room and it feels like i'm living through hell.

 

[pepperfarmer]

When Saint Lawrence, patron saint of comedians, was sentenced to death by being burned alive on a rotisserie, he quipped "Turn me over. I'm done on this side." to his executioners as he was being burned.

Gallows humor is a very common coping mechanism, there's nothing wrong with it. I think your psych dropped the ball on this one.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

I cannot keep a straight face when talking about very serious things like suicide. It's a huge defense mechanism and really fucks with mental health staff because they're not sure how to assess me. It's pretty bad. I'm really like yeah I tried to kill myself five times this year lololol, how crazy right? Omg one time I got put on a 2:1 too because a 1:1 wasn't enough, HAHAHAHA. yeah I don't wanna be here

This is probably 50% of the reason why I make more jokes than what's really kind to around these parts.

 

[SASU-KE]

It's alright. I like dark humour as well.
As Ricky Gervais said,There are things in the world that can only be coped with by using humor.

For example, murder suicide is one of my favorite things I joke about at tea parties.