Venting Am I a bad person that I am starting to get mad that I am a "therapist friend"

[Boudika]

I try to be a good friend. I really do. I stay up all night to help others, to talk to them about their problems and try to advise them. But fuck. I'm tired. And so damn angry because no one else cares about me. They won't ask how I'm feeling, they won't talk about my problems, even though I choose to ctb. The last time someone talked to me about my problems was when I texted my friend that I was going to kill myself. Only then did she care, but she was interested for maybe 2 days, and then she started talking only about her problems again, forgetting that just 4 days earlier she begged me for my home address so she could call the cops. And I'm extremely remorseful that I'm angry about this. But is it so bad that I wish someone would fucking ask how I feel?

 

[OrphicEnd]

How do you feel ?

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

After years of being the therapist/listener friend and hardly ever receiving anything in return, I decided I'd had enough. I have spent countless hours listening and trying to help my friends, but hardly anyone ever seemed interested in me. If I ever brought up my issues, I'd get the stock mental health platitudes, they'd somehow twist it into being about themselves, and/or they'd start distancing themselves from me. I'm not sure I necessarily blame them either; the issues they dealt with either had solutions or they just needed someone to listen to feel better, whereas my issues are persistent, existential, and requires much more than a simple "I'm here for you ".

I was one of the only people who had reached out and tried to help one of my friends who was in crisis. I listened and listened and tried to relate to them and offer solutions, but I'm no closer to them now than I was previously. When I was in crisis, there was a token effort by one or two people to reach out, but it didn't really go any farther than that. So, I'm done doing this.

Does it make us bad people to want more than just empty words or half-hearted efforts to help? I don't think it does. But if it does, I don't think I care anymore.

 

[girlsboysthems]

i think this belongs in offtopic section tho

 

[Boudika]

i think this belongs in offtopic section tho

I mentioned ctb in this post, so I think I post it in the right section. But thanks for suggestion

 

[razorblade]

Your not a bad person for not wanting to be a therapist friend alot of ppl in my life use to do this to me to it's definitely a weakness of mine I like to help but I help to much but my advice is to try start ignoring their messages now Ik I may seem awful for saying that but it helps that's what I did and they all stopped going to me as much

It's gonna be difficult but believe me it's worth it and your not gonna be a bad person for doing it either

 

[sash]

You are being a good friend to them, but not to yourself.
How many ppl on here are being pulled in all directions, begging for help and no-one hears them.

You have to think of yourself without being selfish. Do you think your friends are as good to you as you are to them? Dont sound like it. Do you want to spread yrself too thin for, lets be honest, friends you probly wont have in a few years time? Cos they'll either wear u down or moved on cos ur not useful for their needs anymore.
They're using yr kindness and concern on a one way street.
Maybe you are turning into a better person and you need better friends, ones that lift u up not drag u down.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not even surprised that people are acting in such a way, sadly so many people are too self centred to ever care, I think it's understandable feeling angry at that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I feel like this too and I feel bad for feeling this way. A friend of mine used to rant to me so much and it would stay with me for hours. Honestly, I think you need to be in a fairly good or, at least stable place to be able to cope with it all the time. I think sometimes, you have to be kind of selfish and take a step back. I also found that I tended to just be met with platitudes if I complained. Which just annoyed me further. So- I just stopped ranting about my problems and they tend to do it less now. It still feels a bit unkind but I think sometimes, you have to look at your own mental well being.

 

[pole]

no, you aren't a bad person.

i got tired of being treated like a doormat and being other peoples' anchor. someone that people can use to pull themselves back up and then dispose of and throw to the side when they don't need help anymore.

i'm drained of being another persons rescuer. choosing to be alone and enforcing boundaries so people don't walk all over you and take as they please is not being a bad person. it's finally putting yourself first.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Youre not a bad person but you absolutely put yourself in this position. I know from personal experience. Always the shoulder to lean on, never having one in return. Best to just go it alone. Or find someone trustworthy and honest who is into both give and take. But most of the time those people don't exist. My advice, stop sharing how you feel with other people. It never helps, they will redirect the conversation to make it about themselves and you end up feeling worse than you did before you decided to open up. Be your own friend. Fuck other people. You can't rely on others emotionally. They will always let you down. Stop helping other people unless you expect nothing in return and youre just doing it for the sake of charity. Real friendship is a myth. Most people just want you to be there for them and then disappear when you need them. Learn to be there for yourself and stop helping others unless you're doing it unconditionally

 

[puella]

You seem like an extremely kind person, who just wants someone to care about you. I'm sorry for how badly you're hurting.

I choose to let people vent to me. You can PM me whenever you want for anything you need. I will only be there for you, for letting you talk or vent about whatever you want, and I will never make the conversation about myself. I care about you.