I'm gonna point out now that I see my ctb as a form of freedom from myself, and not purely for others, if I am to commit it is for me more then anyone I care about, because at the end it's me giving the signal that "i" "me" am not willing to keep going, I understand are world well enough to know that I won't ever get the actual acknowledgment that I so desire, yeah I won't see the after results, but thats not really the point, once I'm dead perhaps somone will acknowledge the fact I wanted, and felt that i needed to end my life, to acknowledge the fact that it's always going to be to late, I don't mind looking crazy here, I see are world/people and are realty as selfish self absorbed and just plain evil, even myself, and that's a big key factor as to why i feel this yearning to ctb, I know others understand this, unavoidable pain that's to be brought every day you breath, so I say, for at least right now as I live and breathe, it'll always be to late, but mabye in another life,, how would I know though, only time can tell
Please don't ctb in order to validate your issues, especially to others. Comitting suicide is something you cannot go back from and even suicidal gestures come with their own risks. Ctbing is something that is better done for yourself than it is for others. It's a serious decision and shouldn't be done unless you are completely sure you want to die. There are probably better ways to go about your issue.
Even if you do end up surviving with no injuries you are likely not going to like the reaction you will get. I remember when I attempted back when I was 15 and having to watch my grandmother break into tears over and over again while my mom kept asking "why *my name*? Why, " and having to be expected to explain why I attempted over and over again to paramedics, nurses, doctors, psychiatrists, and a crisis worker was horrible. The entire time I felt guilty and humilated. I felt like a failure. The entire experience caused me to go through a period of becoming stressed out whenever I was in a hospital setting because I would end up thinking back to that ordeal.
I understand wanting people to understand the pain you are in but ctbing is not the way to do it. Suicide is a permanent decision and attempting it is incredibly risky and can easily end in you having all sorts of serious bodily damage that you'll have to deal with for the rest of your life (including it potentially ending with you becoming a vegetable).
I personally don't recommend it.
I get what your trying to convey, because I delt with similar situations myself, as one of my brothers and my friend got shot and killed, little diffrent since he didn't live but that's it y'know, my ctb I will say isn't for anyone but myself at the end of the day, no matter what I can't picture myself backing out now, I plan to use a shotgun, funny since a shotgun was the one used to kill a friend who wasn't even mine, I might not make sense whatever tho,, I don't plan on surviving, so I don't feel the need to worry about all those questions and bombarding of family and paramedics, I obviously think about the failing my attempt, and that's why I've been trying to train myself into this toxic kinda thinking where I manifest my death, and I don't mean just thinking about it and waiting for myself to just die, I mean in the sense where i trust that I will succeed, I will be dead, I will be gone, there is no later, and that there won't be anything after,,not that I'd know, but uh, I got my plans set, all I have to do is wait now, for the right time,, I appreciate your advice allot really, it just reassures me more, I remember the times my mom tried to ctb herself, but I can only picture the most recent one, it was years ago, but the experience reminded me of your story, I didn't ask my mom why or anything like that, but, everyone else did, on top of that, she was ridiculed and labeled as selfish,, anyways I'm getting all over the place I'll stop here, and again, thank you.
