Condescending = I'm told everything is fine when I ask if things are wrong, or people tell me they'll try to change (and sometimes they do, for a couple of days/weeks), but then things go back to they were before. Or I'm mostly kept at arms bay, being spoken to when they need help or when they have no other choice (classmates or acquaintances), being given empty words or pity kindness and so on.
Distant = (Some exceptions are people whom I know they're very busy, but when we talk to it's like not a single day has passed since the last time). People drift away no matter what I do, the most I can keep a new friendship is two/three months at minimum, or up to a year at maximum, before either full ghosting begins, or a more gradual distancing instead (they still reply for a while, but take a lot of weeks or months in between, until it stops).
Abusive = Sometimes it begins with meaner pranks or taunts, to eventually end either with emotional abuse (gaslightning, manipulation, insults, yelling and treats, or full blown bullying), even in cases where I didn't hurt the other person at all (though I have to admit, in other situations I made mistakes and deserved that as punishment). In very rare situations it ended in physical abuse though (mostly in high school).
Some people in these three categories were those I helped in the past (like sharing some of my food/water, help with homework and/or assignments, sometimes even money and emotional support)... Yet, it's like after a while, I tend to cause such a lot of disgust into others, explaining why they change so much... Something I envy other people for, its their power to cut off ties with others with little to no remorse even if they end up being wrong (because I can't deny that sometimes it must be done). I know it's selfish to hope to get something after helping someone but, I think I may have the right to be selfish once in a while.
I made a list about how many people I still have in my life (without counting my family or neutral acquaintances), and the results shocked me:
Best Friends = 1-2
Close Friends = 1-4
Casual Friends = 5-8
People I don't get along with (but we're not enemies) = 20
People whom I'm truly enemies with = 29
Even if I took the highest number possible for good connections (14), against the number of bad ones (49)... I have more than three times the amount of positive ones on the negative side... If I considered the minimum the number is seven times highter... If I'm truly a being that spreads hope and light like I've been told all my life then, why do I have so much people whom end up hating me or disliking me? I mean, I think a normal/average person might have far, far less enemies than I have... I admit that I have the genuine fault and blame in some of those situations, but in others I just had half of it, or sometimes I didn't do anything wrong... And I didn't even count failed friendships, oh boy, I'm a goddamn failure...
What makes a person being called a bringer or hope and light, but being treated as the opposite? Note: I only believe this from my friends/family, but not from acquaintances or people I don't trust as much.
Distant = (Some exceptions are people whom I know they're very busy, but when we talk to it's like not a single day has passed since the last time). People drift away no matter what I do, the most I can keep a new friendship is two/three months at minimum, or up to a year at maximum, before either full ghosting begins, or a more gradual distancing instead (they still reply for a while, but take a lot of weeks or months in between, until it stops).
Abusive = Sometimes it begins with meaner pranks or taunts, to eventually end either with emotional abuse (gaslightning, manipulation, insults, yelling and treats, or full blown bullying), even in cases where I didn't hurt the other person at all (though I have to admit, in other situations I made mistakes and deserved that as punishment). In very rare situations it ended in physical abuse though (mostly in high school).
Some people in these three categories were those I helped in the past (like sharing some of my food/water, help with homework and/or assignments, sometimes even money and emotional support)... Yet, it's like after a while, I tend to cause such a lot of disgust into others, explaining why they change so much... Something I envy other people for, its their power to cut off ties with others with little to no remorse even if they end up being wrong (because I can't deny that sometimes it must be done). I know it's selfish to hope to get something after helping someone but, I think I may have the right to be selfish once in a while.
I made a list about how many people I still have in my life (without counting my family or neutral acquaintances), and the results shocked me:
Best Friends = 1-2
Close Friends = 1-4
Casual Friends = 5-8
People I don't get along with (but we're not enemies) = 20
People whom I'm truly enemies with = 29
Even if I took the highest number possible for good connections (14), against the number of bad ones (49)... I have more than three times the amount of positive ones on the negative side... If I considered the minimum the number is seven times highter... If I'm truly a being that spreads hope and light like I've been told all my life then, why do I have so much people whom end up hating me or disliking me? I mean, I think a normal/average person might have far, far less enemies than I have... I admit that I have the genuine fault and blame in some of those situations, but in others I just had half of it, or sometimes I didn't do anything wrong... And I didn't even count failed friendships, oh boy, I'm a goddamn failure...
What makes a person being called a bringer or hope and light, but being treated as the opposite? Note: I only believe this from my friends/family, but not from acquaintances or people I don't trust as much.
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