Venting almost ctb'ed impulsively yesterday

[annique]

yesterday was a rough day, i had a brief argument with my mother because she just got mad on me for not leaving my house anymore, not even to attend my classes

i was on the verge of just sipping on a glass of sn and be gone, but i managed to withhold myself from acting impusively

i want to leave with a peace of mind and bearing the minimum physical and emotional pain as possible, hence i'm sticking to my plan to exiting existence on November 5th, i hope it'll be a calm day and i will try to enjoy (as much as i can) the few days i got prior to attempting

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I can completely understand the urge to just do it when you have the method handy. Still, I think you made the sensible decision. Better to do it once you are physically and mentally prepared. I hope the 5th is a beautiful and serene day for you.

 

[leeloosnow]

yesterday was a rough day, i had a brief argument with my mother because she just got mad on me for not leaving my house anymore, not even to attend my classes

i was on the verge of just sipping on a glass of sn and be gone, but i managed to withhold myself from acting impusively

i want to leave with a peace of mind and bearing the minimum physical and emotional pain as possible, hence i'm sticking to my plan to exiting existence on November 5th, i hope it'll be a calm day and i will try to enjoy (as much as i can) the few days i got prior to attempting

I'm glad you didn't act on the impulse and regret it. I also have plans for, well, tomorrow. Been trying to do everything possible to make sure of my decision, recognize factors that could influence my decision, and be comfortable when it happens. I certainly don't need anymore catastrophic blunders in life. And I don't wanna give the people that did so much to help lead me to this dark place...they aren't getting the last word.
There's a lot of physical/mental components that contribute to wanna ctb. I'm aware of it's role in my story, and I see it in others. I'm trying to think of it as a life choice similar
...similar to having a baby (ew gross lol) or getting married or whatever... Really, I guess childbirth is the closest thing, ctb way bigger. Sorry for the weird replies, on my phone and fatfinger doesn't type well without actual keyboard. I hope you have all the resources, information, and tools at hand to make your decision exactly as you wish. Hugs!

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound ideal to me finally leaving this world feeling at peace with everything and suffering as little as possible in the time just before you leave, because after all if someone was going to ctb they would be leaving everything that makes them suffer behind anyway, it soon enough won't be their problem anymore. I wish you freedom for when the time feels right for you to leave.