Venting Almost crashed my car on purpose

[prettyclam]

Yesterday, I almost crashed my car like 5 times. It was like a force was compelling me to do it. Obviously I don't want to collide into an innocent bystanders car or destroy a building, but I think my brain is so tired of living that it doesn't care. It wants to die regardless of the method. My reaction time was horrible and I couldn't focus.

Perhaps this is another product of my worsening depression. I should be dead by now but I'm not. I can't keep pretending to function like a normal human any longer. As my ctb anniversary gets closer, the worse the feelings get.

I'm about to drive to work so I hope I can pull it together.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

That can be pretty serious. I say that as someone who wasn't careful behind the wheel and let an urge take over and caused some damage. Try to calm and ground yourself before getting behind the wheel. Not just our lives and property are on the line after all on the road. You have ultimate control over any impulses that you know aren't worth it.

 

[eternalpace]

Obviously I don't want to collide into an innocent bystanders car or destroy a building, but I think my brain is so tired of living that it doesn't care.

Try to stay composed while driving... There is a good chance that you'd survive any crash... and face criminal or even murder charges, potentially making worse any problems that you already have. It's a good idea to leave innocent bystanders out of whatever issues that you're dealing with.

 

[barelyholdingon]

I did do this. Crashed my minivan into a 15' ditch filled with rocks at the bottom going about 75 mph. I survived with no injuries, my airbag didn't even go off but my vehicle was completely totaled. A girl called the cops when she saw me and I told them I was texting and driving, wasn't about to tell a cop that it was an impulsive suicide attempt lol

 

[prettyclam]

Try to stay composed while driving... There is a good chance that you'd survive any crash... and face criminal or even murder charges, potentially making worse any problems that you already have. It's a good idea to leave innocent bystanders out of whatever issues that you're dealing with.

Yeah ctb by car crash isn't a good way to go…that thought along with the possibility of hurting others is whats keeping me in control. The drive today wasn't as bad after putting on some happy music to calm the depression down

 

[traingirl]

Yesterday, I almost crashed my car like 5 times. It was like a force was compelling me to do it. Obviously I don't want to collide into an innocent bystanders car or destroy a building, but I think my brain is so tired of living that it doesn't care. It wants to die regardless of the method. My reaction time was horrible and I couldn't focus.

Perhaps this is another product of my worsening depression. I should be dead by now but I'm not. I can't keep pretending to function like a normal human any longer. As my ctb anniversary gets closer, the worse the feelings get.

I'm about to drive to work so I hope I can pull it together.

I have thoughts like this too but I know it would never work so at least I have a little bit of my rational brain helping me out. It's hard when you are so desperate.