almost all old members are gone

[Ruffian]

I've been here for ages .
Over a year .

I've found a few ideas that have helped me , believe it or not .

Both in eliminating mistaken methods , and finding new ones .

Also , some pause for reflection on my particular brand of ideation .

( I always seem to agree with or see myself in most descriptions of neurotic behavior ...
whether that is just negative self projection or indicative of an oceanic appetite for
negativity , I don't know .)

I feel a bit weird sticking around as I seem to be sliding towards staying alive .
I really do feel for myself that absolute acceptance of suicidal ideation as being
a normal human response to life is very therapeutic .

It is a contrarian and paradoxical thing , but I can see that becoming more accepted .

Eh. I wouldn't worry about neurotic behavior as much as psychotic thinking. Even Freud found most people to be on a sliding scale when it came to being neurotic. Maybe that's why so many therapists offer a sliding scale. Like How crazy you are + your financial situation + how much and how long your insurance will pay = Your fee. It's amazing how quickly your issues will resolve when the gravy train whistles to a halt.

 

[StillWaiting]

Didn't sign up an account here when this site first started. After a month I made my first account but I couldn't access it because I forgot the password.

It is sad to see some of the old members have already passed on while I am still here holding on.Hopefully it is my turn soon

 

[Ruffian]

Didn't sign up an account here when this site first started. After a month I made my first account but I couldn't access it because I forgot the password.

It is sad to see some of the old members have already passed on while I am still here holding on.Hopefully it is my turn soon

Yeah. There were quite a few older members when I came in January. It was so weird seeing them drop off my PMs. It's kind of unsettling at first. You don't really ever get numb to it either. It never devastates me because duh, look at the name of the site. But I'm always melancholy when even someone I didn't PM with disappears and I don't realize it. I almost banned myself a few weeks back when this place became unrecognizable with all the hate. But I kinda had a feeling to let the dust settle. Nice to see you're still here.

 

[Jon86]

Been here after the reddit SS closed down and the r/timetogo board didn't fill the void.

There comes a point where it becomes boring/annoying to talk about, i've been thinking about it for a decade, there's nothing left to discover on the topic. I either do it or don't and live a life of suffering. Either way, it's a shitty situation.

 

[SunSetsForever]

Me!

I guess me too then. But I don't come on often.

 

[throwaway123]

Feels bad man

I hear you. I miss them all. I remember the time on SS when we were still on Reddit. Man it was years ago.
I don't even know why the fuck I'm still here.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

Feels bad man

How can you have joined on Marth 9th and talk about old members.

 

[Ln42]

I'm embarrassed that I'm still here, it's another thing to add to my list of failures!

 

[color_me_gone]

How can you have joined on Marth 9th and talk about old members.

Could have been a visitor for many months before finally joining. Many do that.

 

[Retched]

lol I guess I fall into the 'old' category.

 

[Ruffian]

Seniority shouldn't be something to be proud of or ashamed of. One of the things I learned here was that the worst time to ctb is when you are desperate. I know from my cousin just jumping off a bridge, if things are bad enough, you'll find any way, no matter how painful. I'm not sure it's a bad idea to hang around even if you have everything you need, but it's not the right time. I think the site has the potential to maybe even be revolutionary in changing the whole "Talk About It," "It's a permanent solution," yada yada yada, you can't have a rational suicide if you "only have a mental illness." Nothing happens overnight, but so much is changing it would be nice to think one day a pro-choice group of people could even exist in opposition to the one-way argument we currently have about pro-life. I'm a dreamer, I know. You'd have to have some recovering people who aren't trying to convert the masses around for that.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

My account is new but I'm not
I'm still here
Unfortunately
I can feel it though
My time is near
I'll be free
I'll be released

On another note, I know what you're saying. I've been here almost a year. There's so many new people that I wish weren't (not a diss, just astonishing that there's so many people that face this). New people, with a fresh batch of problem. New people whose problems were serious enough that they got accepted to the site. I've watched so many people leave. Burning lights. 42 and ready to ctb. Primetime. She was here slightly before me but @Anarchy.
It's tragic.
It's why I can't go and read the partners megathread. It's..... Eerie and it bothers me. It digs up a gut feeling that doesn't leave until I click out of it. There's so many users on there that never post on the main threads. So many that never interact with us.

 

[Jon86]

Seniority shouldn't be something to be proud of or ashamed of. One of the things I learned here was that the worst time to ctb is when you are desperate. I know from my cousin just jumping off a bridge, if things are bad enough, you'll find any way, no matter how painful. I'm not sure it's a bad idea to hang around even if you have everything you need, but it's not the right time. I think the site has the potential to maybe even be revolutionary in changing the whole "Talk About It," "It's a permanent solution," yada yada yada, you can't have a rational suicide if you "only have a mental illness." Nothing happens overnight, but so much is changing it would be nice to think one day a pro-choice group of people could even exist in opposition to the one-way argument we currently have about pro-life. I'm a dreamer, I know. You'd have to have some recovering people who aren't trying to convert the masses around for that.

I absolutely envy those who have ctb from a 'desperate' moment of time. I'm the opposite, i've been suicidal every single day for a decade, I wish I had the luxury of a good life to be cut short by a sudden mental break that had killed me. I know what your saying, those who act fast on suicidal thoughts normally have more hope (more likely temporary suffering) so it's sad to see them go. The reality is that if what makes you suicidal lingers (permanent disabling physical illness for me), then imo the best case scenario is to get the fuck out as soon as possible because suffering along is fucking terrible. Despite, having no real hope at all, fear and guilt in the moments leading up to an attempt still linger, there's absolutely nothing good left on this earth for me, yet I continue.

 

[NoDream]

On another note, I know what you're saying. I've been here almost a year. There's so many new people that I wish weren't (not a diss, just astonishing that there's so many people that face this). New people, with a fresh batch of problem. New people whose problems were serious enough that they got accepted to the site. I've watched so many people leave. Burning lights. 42 and ready to ctb. Primetime. She was here slightly before me but @Anarchy.
It's tragic.

Yes, I really miss Burning Lights :(

 

[1964dodge]

That sounds terrible. One of the reasons I don't interact with people here by PMs is that I don't want to get attached to anyone. Still, even without knowing anyone here, seeing goodbye posts from members is always very depressing.

anybody commiting suicide is a tradgedy. I know I've been wavering yes/no for almost a year. but I would read any note after the fact, sad yes but necessary. we don't want anyones last words wasted, I hope people read my note when it's time

 

[TAW122]

Yeah I noticed that over the past year or so. I lurked around and was indecisive for a bit (even after Reddit banned SS and TSS), but decided to create an account and join near the end of August 2018. It has been over 10 months since I have joined this site and this is indeed a sanctuary for me during the rough times in life. I too, had some older members that I don't see anymore who have either CTB'd or left the site.

 

[TiredHorse]

Yes, I really miss Burning Lights :(

Me too. I think about him often.

 

[wanttodie]

been

Over a year for me ​

 

[Ruffian]

I absolutely envy those who have ctb from a 'desperate' moment of time. I'm the opposite, i've been suicidal every single day for a decade, I wish I had the luxury of a good life to be cut short by a sudden mental break that had killed me. I know what your saying, those who act fast on suicidal thoughts normally have more hope (more likely temporary suffering) so it's sad to see them go. The reality is that if what makes you suicidal lingers (permanent disabling physical illness for me), then imo the best case scenario is to get the fuck out as soon as possible because suffering along is fucking terrible. Despite, having no real hope at all, fear and guilt in the moments leading up to an attempt still linger, there's absolutely nothing good left on this earth for me, yet I continue.

I think I can relate. Do you mean even though you suffer you still have hope and SI kicks in? I did a list of all the reasons to ctb vs. stay. There's not a whole lot stay, yet I do. I'm just sick of all the articles about hope and how people turn their lives around after a short year of depression. Try being depressed for 25 years and you've tried everything. At that point suicide should be on the table. Idk it's a very sensitive subject. I also still prefer talking to people face's. I can't read facial expression or body language online, so I have a harder time understanding things and expressing what I mean.

 

[color_me_gone]

how people turn their lives around after a short year of depression

Yeah, usually, short term depression is curable.
But what they never talk about is the long term depression, which, as far as I can tell, is incurable.
It get better, then gets worse, but is never cured.
You have been depressed for 25 years.
I have been depressed for 61 years.
We both tried everything.
Best we can hope for is when it is not so bad.
But then a severe bout come around, and it is awful.

 

[Pallf]

I'm an "old timer" and I'm still here. Not sure how I feel about that.

 

[08nomore]

I always looked at the members of the fórum like this:

2018 - old
2019 - new

 

[Puddings]

I have been here for a while, but not an "old" member as such. I just slink around from time to time, reading a couple of threads when I feel like it and leave again. I do find myself thinking a lot about some members and how they are doing and so on. But never really interact with anyone. I suppose social anxiety can manifest even over the internet.

 

[Taylored]

I myself see the older members lurking around ocasionally. I do wish for all the older members left around good luck on what they're doing.

 

[Thanatos]

Still here but wish I wasn't, used to go on r/sanctionedsuicide daily before it was shut down. Wish I was more active but am not...

I suppose social anxiety can manifest even over the internet.

 

[omoidarui]

I always looked at the members of the fórum like this:

2018 - old
2019 - new

i lurked the Reddit but never posted

what am i

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

we're all in the same boat.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Feels bad man

I know. I've noticed that a lot of the posters that I was already familiar with when I started lurking 4 months ago are no longer posting. People come and go on a forum dedicated to suicide. You either leave because being around a bunch of suicidal people is a real downer or you "recover," or you actually catch the bus.

 

[Zer031]

That sounds terrible. One of the reasons I don't interact with people here by PMs is that I don't want to get attached to anyone. Still, even without knowing anyone here, seeing goodbye posts from members is always very depressing.

But, if you think well, it's also lovely, cause... Too much people don't have anyone for trust or leave a message of goodbye, but instead, a lot of members, share their stories and their thougts with us, a lot of strangers that understand each others, it's depressing and wonderful to see (my point of view of course)

 

[HGL91]

Don't think I've seen anyone from 2017 or before...