- crybaby -
its all wasted .
- Mar 17, 2021
- 75
Its almost 2AM
Quietly hiding in the kitchen
By my side on the table I got a few smokes and a bottle of cheap vodka .
The music blasts in my ears to cover the frighting silence.
Its been so long since Ive been on this forum , yet this feels like my only escape even now .
I did a horrible mistake today , I opened up about my failed attempted .. and my tendecies which my partner belived that they magically went away .
I wish I could just end this , this relationship and spare him the pain.
Ive seen him hurting and all I could think about was how I shouldve kept quiet , how much I hated to see him like that because of me ..
I kept acting out recently but only now realised how much I tried to make him hate me , to push him away , to throw me away .. because I cant bear myself to do it.
And I know no matter how much I stay alive .. my frustration ,my pain would all fall on him ..
Im tired of this game .. Im tired of hurting and being hurt..
Quietly hiding in the kitchen
By my side on the table I got a few smokes and a bottle of cheap vodka .
The music blasts in my ears to cover the frighting silence.
Its been so long since Ive been on this forum , yet this feels like my only escape even now .
I did a horrible mistake today , I opened up about my failed attempted .. and my tendecies which my partner belived that they magically went away .
I wish I could just end this , this relationship and spare him the pain.
Ive seen him hurting and all I could think about was how I shouldve kept quiet , how much I hated to see him like that because of me ..
I kept acting out recently but only now realised how much I tried to make him hate me , to push him away , to throw me away .. because I cant bear myself to do it.
And I know no matter how much I stay alive .. my frustration ,my pain would all fall on him ..
Im tired of this game .. Im tired of hurting and being hurt..
