All of the things we won’t have to deal with after we ctb

[Smilla]

Let's brainstorm a bit and start listing all of the things we won't have to do/deal with/endure after we ctb.

I'll start. This list is non exhaustive, but it's a beginning. And it's personal, obviously. You may or may not identify with all of the things on my list but I am curious what's on yours.

Here's mine:

-taxes
-humiliation
-grief
-periods (sorry I'm a girl and I hate them)
-rejection
-work
-feeling ugly
-wondering if you hurt someone's feelings
-lack of money and fear about homelessness
-existential dread and endless musings about meaning
-voting for stupid politicians
-being sick with colds and the flu
-being alone
-endless cleaning up
-going to the bathroom
-modern day air travel
-looking at myself in the mirror

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

Lookism.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

-the daylight burning my eyes
-burning up when it's over 78
-freezing to death when it's under 77
-the sound of 99.992% of people's voices (grating horror)
-the way any kind of clothing squeezes
-fluorescent lights causing such anxiety that my stomach churns
-the presence of people causing the same anxiety

-The Curse will be gone. I'll be gone.

This is where I pat myself on the back for not passing this damn thing on to children.

 

[MortDeVivre]

-My deteriorating faculties
-Climate change
-My mother

 

[Billy The Human]

Everything

 

[bigj75]

my bad health
Depression
Stress
Slave labor

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

eating I hate eating !!
thinking is the worst because I don't have a choice
dyslexia, add, adhd,
other people yeah thats a biggie

 

[Desperate_Soul]

Life

 

[MEoDP]

Work and doing inconvenient shit for the sake of survival.

 

[bigj75]

eating I hate eating !!
thinking is the worst because I don't have a choice
dyslexia, add, adhd,
other people yeah thats a biggie

Why you hate eating?

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

Work and doing inconvenient shit for the sake of survival.

like breathing on my own Christ can i get an O2 mask already plz

 

[Duqu]

Having to deal with my eating disorder on daily (hourly) basis and constantly thinking of "calories in, calories out"
Fear of losing my painkillers due to bs "opioid epidemic" in US
Chronic pain that will always get worse rather than better (yaaaay genetic illness that no one has heard of!)
Being a loser in my family that people tolerate rather than try to actually have a relationship with (with the exception of my mother)
My body breaking down even more year by year (I'm already in a wheelchair 75% of the time and I'm only 30)
Future surgeries to fix joints that aren't really fixeable with terrible recovery time and extreme pain
Being transgender in a world that really hates us
Never able to find a partner because I'm ace (asexual) and everyone wants sex and I absolutely do not
PTSD nightmares and flashbacks
Being given all these lists from people "have you tried "x?" to get better" and they're all bs things (That of course I tried because I'm desperate - my favourite being Yoga which I hear ALLLLL The time)
Never being the person a friend/acquaintance calls to hangout with, I always initiate which is hard when I'm an introvert to begin with
On top of that - BEING AN INTROVERT SUCKS.
I never want to hear the term "polypharmacology" from a health care provider again. Yes I take a lot of meds, but they're all for different conditions and I can't STOP any of them just to make my med list shorter!

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

Why you hate eating?

too poor to buy good food

 

[MachineGunDani]

having to straighten my fucking hair! Such a pain in the ass lol

 

[Final Escape]

Let's brainstorm a bit and start listing all of the things we won't have to do/deal with/endure after we ctb.

I'll start. This list is non exhaustive, but it's a beginning. And it's personal, obviously. You may or may not identify with all of the things on my list but I am curious what's on yours.

Here's mine:

-taxes
-humiliation
-grief
-periods (sorry I'm a girl and I hate them)
-rejection
-work
-feeling ugly
-wondering if you hurt someone's feelings
-lack of money and fear about homelessness
-existential dread and endless musings about meaning
-voting for stupid politicians
-being sick with colds and the flu
-being alone
-endless cleaning up
-going to the bathroom
-modern day air travel
-looking at myself in the mirror

. Yes these are many of my reasons as well. I might try to make two lists to see which one has more reasons for dying or living. I think the reasons for ctb would overpower the reasons to stay alive list.

 

[Final Escape]

-the daylight burning my eyes
-burning up when it's over 78
-freezing to death when it's under 77
-the sound of 99.992% of people's voices (grating horror)
-the way any kind of clothing squeezes
-fluorescent lights causing such anxiety that my stomach churns
-the presence of people causing the same anxiety

-The Curse will be gone. I'll be gone.

This is where I pat myself on the back for not passing this damn thing on to children.

Lmao! Grating horror

 

[bigj75]

too poor to buy good food

do you know how to cook?

 

[Chloe]

Sexual abuse from my neighbor,Police who do nothing about it,Parents who don't care

 

[Smilla]

. Yes these are many of my reasons as well. I might try to make two lists to see which one has more reasons for dying or living. I think the reasons for ctb would overpower the reasons to stay alive list.

having to straighten my fucking hair! Such a pain in the ass lol

Oh yes hair care.

Fuck it.

But why do you "have to straighten it"? Curly hair is the best. I love to see black folks with Afros—so beautiful imo.

 

[MachineGunDani]

Oh yes hair care.

Fuck it.

But why do you "have to straighten it"? Curly hair is the best. I love to see black folks with Afros—so beautiful imo.

Everyone wants what they don't have of course lol that's why! And I'm not black but when I wake up my hair can sometimes b Afro-ish lol

 

[akosineenee]

Animal cruelty
Bigotry
OCD
All of my anxieties
Paying the bills
Homelessness
Unemployment
Hunger
Dealing with gossip
Low self-esteem
Fear of inadequacy
Pleasing people
Loneliness
Fake people/relationships/everything
Growing old and not living up to my potential
Life in general

 

[bigj75]

Sexual abuse from my neighbor,Police who do nothing about it,Parents who don't care

Wait what?

 

[Smilla]

Everyone wants what they don't have of course lol that's why! And I'm not black but when I wake up my hair can sometimes b Afro-ish lol

Yup. I wish I had black hair. I think it's beautiful. Fuck life.

 

[MachineGunDani]

Even just showering. It's such a chore for me now. I feel like I need to nap before and after a shower. If there's an afterlife I hope body odor isn't a thing and showers don't exist lol

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

do you know how to cook?

no well i am extraordinarily add

 

[Clover]

Judgement
Hatred
Exclusion
Isolation
Fighting for justice
Fighting battles that can't be won
Trying to fix things that can't be fixed
Failure
Hurt
Confusion
Driving (I hate it)
Paying bills
Stressing about things I can't change
Housework ;)

 

[MachineGunDani]

Sexual abuse from my neighbor,Police who do nothing about it,Parents who don't care

Police ain't nothin but a gang. Fuck em. Gimme ur neighbors address, I'll make him my suicide buddy!

 

[Trashcan]

Depsession
Anxiety
Shitty people
School
Work
Existence
Suffering
Not getting enough sleep
Pain
Periods
Scam callers (count as shitty people but they get their own category)
Driving
My appearance
Hating myself
People with no spacial awareness (why do some people take up the whole goddamn parking lot while walking, and they're always walking fucking slow. Also slow walkers blocking the side walk. People who stop in the middle of the hallway, etc)

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Having to deal with my eating disorder on daily (hourly) basis and constantly thinking of "calories in, calories out"
Fear of losing my painkillers due to bs "opioid epidemic" in US
Chronic pain that will always get worse rather than better (yaaaay genetic illness that no one has heard of!)
Being a loser in my family that people tolerate rather than try to actually have a relationship with (with the exception of my mother)
My body breaking down even more year by year (I'm already in a wheelchair 75% of the time and I'm only 30)
Future surgeries to fix joints that aren't really fixeable with terrible recovery time and extreme pain
Being transgender in a world that really hates us
Never able to find a partner because I'm ace (asexual) and everyone wants sex and I absolutely do not
PTSD nightmares and flashbacks
Being given all these lists from people "have you tried "x?" to get better" and they're all bs things (That of course I tried because I'm desperate - my favourite being Yoga which I hear ALLLLL The time)
Never being the person a friend/acquaintance calls to hangout with, I always initiate which is hard when I'm an introvert to begin with
On top of that - BEING AN INTROVERT SUCKS.
I never want to hear the term "polypharmacology" from a health care provider again. Yes I take a lot of meds, but they're all for different conditions and I can't STOP any of them just to make my med list shorter!

That is a lot to carry Duqu. Life is so unbalanced. I am sorry. I hear every scream from that list of horrors. I have seen the work that doctors do for those in your shape. Watched patients suffering in agony of body and mind. I hear the endless platitudes and feel the bitterness that must reside within. It is hard to overcome the betrayal of another, but when it is your body that betrays you...well, what can you do? Struggle on, an endless path of pain and oft times sorrow. PTSD is inevitable. It comes when suffering is so great that it eats at you, and will not go. And isolation never helps, but that too is part of the life you lead. I had a friend many years ago who was much like you. No one bothered with her, so...being me I took her out. Over time she became a source of great strength, an aunt to my children, and my best friend. She was so much like you Duqu...sorry, I am not sure I am writing for you or me. I miss her.
Have you told your mother all of this Duqu? Sometimes that is all it takes to free yourself...so cry...it is alright...and if you can talk to your mom...you never know what might happen...it may free your spirit as it did my friends.

 

[Kev]

I wouldn't have to deal with all of life's inconveniences. I wouldn't have to experience spilling coffee all over my shirt, or losing my keys, or sweating my ass off whenever I step outside (I live in a very hot climate), or stubbing my toe, or the myriad of little ways that life says "fuck you".

I wouldn't have to constantly work and feel a sense of dread for 5/7ths of my life, partake in the vicious competitiveness of society, experience the decline of my physical and mental health, feel disappointed by how stupid some people are, experience the loss of someone I cared about, experience betrayal, cry myself to sleep, etc... I could go on for days on how many negative experiences life throws at us.

But by far and away my biggest reason is that I wouldn't have to feel the intense loneliness and feelings of worthlessness from being ugly and unloveable; from lacking a deep emotional connection with anyone; from being deprived of touch and affection for my entire life. It is absolute torture for a human being to feel so isolated, unloved, and unwanted. All I want is for that torture to end.