(alcohol and drug-free) ways to overcome the survival instinct

[Trashcan]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I guess you have to be in a state of mind where anything is better than this. It might also help me if I do some things for closure.

 

[TiredHorse]

It might also help me if I do some things for closure.

I just posted this on another thread, so I'll plagiarize myself now (I know: bad writer! no cookie!):

After two attempts at N2, I've been re-thinking my preparatory "rituals". Previously I made a big deal out of cleaning the bathrooms, stripping my bed, doing all the laundry and the dishes, laying out my copious farewell paperwork... And I think that gave me time to overthink it and flinch. I now have all the paperwork laid out ready to go (out of sight under a chart, in case anyone arrives unexpectedly), and am steeling myself to leave the house a mess. All I'll need to do is put out the "come fetch my husk" note, mail a last couple farewells, roll up that chart to reveal the paperwork, and I'm good to go. Five minutes prep instead of an entire afternoon.

Put on a movie I know will push me toward the edge, or the playlist I've built for the purpose, and maybe I'll have enough drive to keep the N2 flowing.

 

[TAW122]

Exercise your willpower. This is perhaps underestimated, though it is one of man's greatest stengths. The problem is that when depressed our willpower depletes, and we can't even do the most basic of things like get out of bed or tidy up. One thing is certain, to kill oneself requires a huge amount of willpower. It's willpower that can keep us from succumbing to pain, and it's willpower which will force us to take that extra, final step.

If the willpower to live is strong, then I must reverse it and use it for the will to die. I must practice on pushing my willpower and also putting myself into a state of "fuck it, and just do it" then I won't hesitate, flinch, or overthink it.

 

[Jon]

If the willpower to live is strong, then I must reverse it and use it for the will to die. I must practice on pushing my willpower and also putting myself into a state of "fuck it, and just do it" then I won't hesitate, flinch, or overthink it.

The book I read about it some years ago was callled Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. It was a good book but it goes into more detail about the reasons why willpower is important, backed up by scientific data, and less on how to improve it. Though it was a while ago I read it and don't remember everything. I do remember glucose increases willpower, and that willpower is like a muscle which has to be exercised. It also suggests why it's difficult for people dieting is because their body gets depleted of glucose/blood sugar levels, and in turn their willpower decreases and they eventually give up. I might read it again If I get time, worth reading though. Also check the Wikipedia article on Willpower. But taking glucose beforehand might help in any suicide attempt. I think the scientific term for willpower is self-regulation.

 

[TiredHorse]

...willpower is like a muscle which has to be exercised.

I wonder if this is an argument in favor of "failed" attempts to ctb. Each time we try, we exercise that willpower muscle. Each time we fail, maybe we come a little closer to being able to ctb. So even if you're not sure you're going to make it, every time you try, you become more likely to succeed.

Thinking about that, maybe I'll try again tonight. If I succeed, hurray for me! If I flinch again, at least I'm a little closer to making it.

 

[Jon]

I wonder if this is an argument in favor of "failed" attempts to ctb. Each time we try, we exercise that willpower muscle. Each time we fail, maybe we come a little closer to being able to ctb. So even if you're not sure you're going to make it, every time you try, you become more likely to succeed.

Thinking about that, maybe I'll try again tonight. If I succeed, hurray for me! If I flinch again, at least I'm a little closer to making it.

Could well be, but also try buying some Dextrose powder from a sports nutrition store. If my memory serves me correct, then glucose definitely will give a short boost of willpower, easily enough to last a hanging or jumping attempt. Research it to find the time it takes to reach peak plasma levels, I think it's 15 to 30 minutes but worth double checking. Just found this:

"Looking at normal physiology, blood sugar peaks after you eat," Dr. Ganda says. "For a person who doesn't have diabetes, the peak occurs at 45 minutes to an hour after the meal. With diabetes, you peak a little later, and two hours is the standardized amount of time for blood sugar to come back down."
​

But I think if you mix dextrose powder with a citrus drink the time to peak is quicker than that, and the duration shorter.

 

[Paloma]

I'm Not afraid of death...I don't think I have a very strong survival instinct. But I'm afraid of pain

I'm afraid that I feel pain if I ever choose SN and because of that pain call the ambulance or call someone for help. N and jumping are best choices from my perspective.

Only struggle would be to actually DO IT once you have the N in front of you or you're on the six or more story building. To have the IMPULSE to drink/jump.

I'm considering N, Jumping or SN.

 

[ouvreyes]

Any tips on exercising willpower?

 

[TAW122]

For exercising will power, perhaps having dry runs of suicide, fantasizing the actual act, may desensitize you, though it will vary somewhat between each individual. In my case, since I'm planning to go via a firearm, then I would probably do dry runs with an unloaded firearm and point it in the mouth and dry fire (firing a gun without any ammunition) it until it becomes second nature. I'm doing this in hopes that my brain and body will become so accustomed to it that any fear and any anxiety that may come up without loading a round in there will translate to the actual attempt. The idea is to fool the survival instinct (in a sense, deceive and distract it) into believing that everything is fine, then the nth time (actual attempt) will be the actual attempt. The best scenario for me would be to have a bullet/shell in the chamber and not be aware of it, then BOOM dead in less than 0.25 seconds.

 

[YoungThugLover]

Good point. When I get the tools for the NNM (Night night method) I need to be as relaxed as possible. Gotta find the courage!

Link to NNM?

 

[Kooz]

I've got to the point where the only thing I care about is just the date.

It was instilled in us in the Marines. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Pain is temporary.

If my method is going to somehow be painful, then who the fuck cares. I will still CTB. Pain will be there for a bit and then I'll pass out.

The only thing now is just the date, because fuck everything else.

 

[Swisher]

A lot of people on here (including yours truly) struggle with the survival instinct. What are some ways to overcome it?

I also think it's important to keep in mind not everyone will have access to alcohol, xanax, etc, so please suggest things people can do while sober.

Last time I posted this, I think I pissed people off. BUT I was ready!! I was relaxed and had a way out. Perfect. I took my medication as prescribed and before I could do anything else, I got violently ill. I ended up in the hospital 7 times and was finally diagnosed with my newest rare malady??? I cannot even think about ctb now. Terrified. It's actually mathematically impossible to overcome this instinct. PEOPLE DO CTB THO! My point is 12.3% overcome this or it's luck half the time and i cannot fail. Those odds don't work for me. The one moment when I was ready I was completely hopeless, helpless, numb, no longer cared about my Mother's broken heart. I felt nothing but focus. No tears just waiting for relief. I planned for a failure - had extra medicine, and have been so sick, I could totally handle anything without calling an ambulance. I was past any "bottom". What the hell am I still doing here? So, me too. How did I get there?! I also almost accidentally died but that was long ago. I can tell you exactly what it felt like. It made me think slower is better..I do have access to medication and sometimes don't take it. 1) Slowly easing into sleep. 2) Getting to the point where I can't keep my eyes open, setting my alarm, and 3) taking all the rest ( with anti-nausea). That third step....I don't know if I can do it (benzos be damned). Last month I blew off a trial run. This is So painful, I've cried to the point I can't breathe. Totally ridiculous! What a waste for someone who wants to live...I have healthy transplantable organs!! But both links below make sense to me. Anybody think of anything? I'll shut up now...

This equation basically says you might jump in front of a bus to save your child, but it's not because you're a great person. It's because you have an instinct to perpetuate the race. Sigh.
https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/bmjanm/george-price-altruism
Easier read:
https://m.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0003/S00026/suicide-is-painless-the-craccum-articles.htm

 

[Lonewolf]

For me with alcohol 80% get rid of my survival instinct but failed a partial suspension before

 

[Swisher]

I've got to the point where the only thing I care about is just the date.

It was instilled in us in the Marines. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Pain is temporary.

If my method is going to somehow be painful, then who the fuck cares. I will still CTB. Pain will be there for a bit and then I'll pass out.

The only thing now is just the date, because fuck everything else.

And that's exactly what works! Complete indifference. I cannot get back there.

 

[Kooz]

And that's exactly what works! Complete indifference. I cannot get back there.

It's pretty easy to stop caring.

You should try it.
Or don't.

 

[Trashcan]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. Hopefully this will also help people who have no choice but to do it sober.

 

[Swisher]

It's pretty easy to stop caring.

You should try it.
Or don't.

Absolutely! It did work. I did NOT CARE. I was totally indifferent, relaxed and focused. The trial run day, I took my regular prescription & before I could do another thing, I got violently sick and now, can't get that strength back???
Big, long-winded reply to trashcan somewhere.

 

[Kooz]

Absolutely! It did work. I did NOT CARE. I was totally indifferent, relaxed and focused. The trial run day, I took my regular prescription & before I could do another thing, I got violently sick and now, can't get that strength back???
Big, long-winded reply to trashcan somewhere.

Use that lack of strength then. It's easier to ctb when you are weak.

 

[Swisher]

Use that lack of strength then. It's easier to ctb when you are weak.

I didn't feel anything the first time - that I can remember...I may have felt defeated - but had no worries and resolute. You sound strong even when you say "it's easier to ctb when you are weak". I hope that's true! It should be a cakewalk! Ty

 

[Swisher]

It's pretty easy to stop caring.

You should try it.
Or don't.

(Btw, actually, it sounds like I should try three Marines)

 

[Meaninglessness]

Trashcan always comes up with these thought-provoking threads, but they always require a long answer which I don't always have time to write. In this case, removing the survival inistict is as just as important as the method itself. What scales said above is very true, we should be mentally prepared, this is crucial, and it's also something which pretty much every ancient philosopher says, that we should above all, remove the fear of death. And by death I also mean the act of dying and the pain involved. It's undeniable that death is the most fearful thing we will ever have to face, and suicide perhaps is even more difficult because we are not technically forced to die, we just choose out.

• Write about death always, and come to terms with it.
• Get inspiration. Just as those wanting to climb the business ladder get inspiration from successful business leaders, or those with anorexia get inspiration from seeing skinny bodies, so do those wishing to die have to find examples of those who took their own life with equanimity. There are plenty of examples in antiquity about men who were forced to commit suicide, as it was a common execution method especially under the rule of Nero. While it's easy to disregard them as they were ordered to do so, many of us have also been pushed into a situation where we are forced to do so. Suicide for many, still is, forced self-execution.
• Be familiar with the chosen method. If jumping, then get to know the area where you will jump, if by hanging, experience beforehand the sensation of the noose tightening around one's neck. Initially this is painful, but I believe doing it daily will help us accustom ourselves to its uncomfortable sensation.
• Prior contemplation, again do this daily, imagine yourself about to kill yourself, how you would feel, and go into detail. By doing this you are rehearsing for death, if it only be through the mind. Actors do this before performing so that they will reduce their nerves and know exactly what do to when they get on stage.
• Focus 100% on the task at hand. The moments before death is not the time to be thinking about loved ones, or remembering fond childhood memories, or basically anything other than carrying through what you have set out to do. As is often said, when you reach the journey's end, don't look back.
• Have a sound reason for dying, so that when the time comes, you're not full of second thoughts. This is also a good opportunity to examine whether suicide is the best option for you or not. Basically you want to go to your death without a shred of doubt that what you are doing is the only option.
• Exercise your willpower. This is perhaps underestimated, though it is one of man's greatest stengths. The problem is that when depressed our willpower depletes, and we can't even do the most basic of things like get out of bed or tidy up. One thing is certain, to kill oneself requires a huge amount of willpower. It's willpower that can keep us from succumbing to pain, and it's willpower which will force us to take that extra, final step.

This thread about overcoming the survival instinct without alcohol and drugs, written more than four years ago, is the best that I have read and I am going to follow these instructions because nothing else has worked for me. Maybe other members on Sanctioned Suicide will be helped by this post.