leviant123
Left your fridge open somebody took a sandwich
- Jun 13, 2024
- 48
Nothing ever works anymore. I finally stopped talking to two people but parting ways with people who don't like me all that much didn't help. It reminded me of how alone I really am. Sitting alone at restaurants, staring up on the grass at the sky alone, and whatever else I'm doing to try and distract myself just doesn't help me accept anything. Everything would be so much better with someone who actually loves me for me or someone who genuinely wants to be my friend- not someone who sees me as a replacement or whatever the hell.
Drowning myself in something or soothing techniques aren't helping anymore. I was lucky enough to have people who come up to me, talk to me, but not enough to have a connection where they actually want me in their life. Now all I really do is go on this platform or another venting forum because I don't know what else to do. I want to be valued the same way I value someone else.
I'm so lonely, dumb, unappealing, there's just no place for me here. I wanted to choose a specific date to CTB for the purpose of giving myself some time to see if I really do want to continue on, but I keep getting proven to myself there's no reason for me to be here anymore. I hate the way I live and there's nothing I can do to change the way I live anymore. Sure, getting a different place or drowning myself in something else is an option but what about the fact that no one will ever be here for me and no one wants me around?
I've tried to improve myself so many times and it'll never work, what's so appalling about my personality to the point where everyone just doesn't want me in their life? Then the people who DO come in my life just take advantage of me or laugh at me. I don't wanna leave this world but it's like I have no choice because of how miserable I always end up being. I wanna stay alive for my pets I really do, but I genuinely don't know how long I can hold it up for them.
Even if I were to stay alive, the way shit is looking from here isn't looking great. I don't know man, this whole giving myself a period to see if I actually want to kill myself or not isn't looking too good even though I really wanted it to turn out well in the end.
Drowning myself in something or soothing techniques aren't helping anymore. I was lucky enough to have people who come up to me, talk to me, but not enough to have a connection where they actually want me in their life. Now all I really do is go on this platform or another venting forum because I don't know what else to do. I want to be valued the same way I value someone else.
I'm so lonely, dumb, unappealing, there's just no place for me here. I wanted to choose a specific date to CTB for the purpose of giving myself some time to see if I really do want to continue on, but I keep getting proven to myself there's no reason for me to be here anymore. I hate the way I live and there's nothing I can do to change the way I live anymore. Sure, getting a different place or drowning myself in something else is an option but what about the fact that no one will ever be here for me and no one wants me around?
I've tried to improve myself so many times and it'll never work, what's so appalling about my personality to the point where everyone just doesn't want me in their life? Then the people who DO come in my life just take advantage of me or laugh at me. I don't wanna leave this world but it's like I have no choice because of how miserable I always end up being. I wanna stay alive for my pets I really do, but I genuinely don't know how long I can hold it up for them.
Even if I were to stay alive, the way shit is looking from here isn't looking great. I don't know man, this whole giving myself a period to see if I actually want to kill myself or not isn't looking too good even though I really wanted it to turn out well in the end.
