Ah, the wonders of dying in your early twenties because the healthcare system is sadistic

[TooConscious]

Unfortunately I'm on Medicaid and can only go to "in-network" doctors for my specific coverage, and there are barely any neurologists for me to turn to. Also, all of these doctors "know" each other, so I could risk being medically blacklisted if I seek out another physician behind my current one's back.

I am grateful for your advice and well-wishes though. It's just that we've already tried everything.

When you speak of* medically blacklisted*.... What do you mean exactly?
I ask because I have spoke before about how I'm certain that on my records the doctors have basically labelled me a scumbag and put down at the forefront of my notes/file, - not to help me as the problems I have presented with have been severely neglected. And your term just seems to fit my situation. Does it relate?

 

[Wrennie]

When you speak of* medically blacklisted*.... What do you mean exactly?
I ask because I have spoke before about how I'm certain that on my records the doctors have basically labelled me a scumbag and put down at the forefront of my notes/file, - not to help me as the problems I have presented with have been severely neglected. And your term just seems to fit my situation. Does it relate?

Yep, that's essentially what it means, unfortunately. All it takes is for one influential physician to state: "This person is attention seeking or overreacting, so ignore their desperate pleas for help."
You could be obviously dying and they'd all still paint you as a drama queen because they don't want to lose social clout with their colleagues.

 

[Spacedoutfailure_]

Im not a doctor but I would look into Dr Lonsdale and research high dose thiamine (B1) for neuropathy and other degenerative diseases. Supposedly helps people with cfs/me/ms symptoms. I would also if close to dying get a credit card and just see a functional medicine doctor. I wish you the best and health and peace. Doctors are vile, lazy sacks of shit who only care about money for the most part.

 

[TooConscious]

Im not a doctor but I would look into Dr Lonsdale and research high dose thiamine (B1) for neuropathy and other degenerative diseases. Supposedly helps people with cfs/me/ms symptoms. I would also if close to dying get a credit card and just see a functional medicine doctor. I wish you the best and health and peace. Doctors are vile, lazy sacks of shit who only care about money for the most part.

Thiamine does nothing, they prescribe you that for alcoholism to stop you getting korsakoffs syndrome but I know people who still developed it. Myself included. It's just a real cheap drug so they can pretend they're helping. Sure, you need B1 but you also need many other b vitamins, c, D, e , selenium, foliate, zinc, b12, iron, magnesium, K2, there's just so much that we can only get from a balanced diet or carefully taking vitamins.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

This is heartbreaking; I wish I could come up with something to properly express it.

Healthcare has neglected and failed so many people, but especially the chronically ill. It's disgusting that even in such a case, accessible, peaceful means of exit are barred off. That there is not even compassion from the people who are supposed to help is despicable. Callous doctors who perform the bare minimum to keep their job do not deserve their license.

I'm so sorry. I sincerely hope you are able to find peace and comfort eventually.

 

[TooConscious]

Yep, that's essentially what it means, unfortunately. All it takes is for one influential physician to state: "This person is attention seeking or overreacting, so ignore their desperate pleas for help."
You could be obviously dying and they'd all still paint you as a drama queen because they don't want to lose social clout with their colleagues.

Its disgusting to know this is something they do to others.
Supposedly unbiased but to think we basically have 'cunt' written on our file.
They actually made me feel worthless but now I'll die at least proud of what I endured and they who wrote stuff like such on my file is Because some doctors are jealous of the strength that they believe they don't have so become cowards and bullies in an institution that's supposed to protect people.

 

[Chronicillness]

Conventional medicine (and really, all other complementary and alternative forms of medicine), has been infiltrated by magisterial egoists with an unrealized god-complex. Modern medicine is anti-life and RIFE with life-ending medical-errors.

"Medicine" as a career choice is just an alluring get-rich-quick scheme for sociopaths who are willing to accept collateral damage in the pursuits of needless wealth and social status. Many sign up to be MDs, or DOs, so that they can put an honorific next to their twitter handle, but the ones that STAY around as practicing physicians, only do so because they become drunk on the power that medicine grants them over people's bodies and life. These people are the most problematic and are arguably legally-tolerated serial killers.

I was also forcibly drugged with anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, anxiolytics, amphetamines, and other medications that I instinctively and reflexively disobeyed from swallowing. These drugs turn on pro-disease genes, and turn off anti-aging genes. So to do this to children―it's unconscionable; it's torture, and it's active sadism veiled as medicine. Life never even started for me—I was chronically drugged at 2 years old with anti-cholinergics, anti-biotics and soy-based milk formulas by my uninformed, retarded parents.

These are FULLY DEVELOPED adult MEN & WOMEN being told by their big pharma sponsors to drug children for the children's and society's benefit.

MONEY & POWER are at the root of this evil, and the student physicians hellbent on being a physician are often times fighting tooth and nail to get that highly-sought after honorific: M.D. or D.O., next to their name, all so that they can ostentatiously run victory laps around their suffering patients about how much higher on the social hierarchy that they are than their lowly, helpless, and plebeian patients. And most importantly: how much more superior they feel they are than the prototypical prole of modern society

Independent thought and action is thought of as reckless endangerment and we now frequently go to doctors to consult over every little inconvenience. These supposed low-risk "check-ups" are where they first enact their frothing at the mouth desire to be insidious and cunning towards unsuspecting new patients. Every naive conventional medicine "virgin" gets devirginized by them with their ill-conceived prescribing practices and damaging diagnostic procedures. Not all have the intent to orgasm to their patients' slow demise, but I ASSURE you, that there are a concerning amount of sociopaths in medicine.

The ending of "Requiem for a Dream," where the protagonist's mother seeks out a doctor's help to lose a couple of pounds, but instead turns into a amphetamine addict who develops psychosis and then gets raped by electro-convulsive therapy is the most accurate microcosm of modern medicine.

There are copious amounts of documented life-ending malfeasance, but that's just a small fraction of the true carnage that doctors commit on a second-by-second basis. Many victims of medicine have their voices and outcries buried alive and are promptly labeled as terminally histrionic―never to be taken seriously ever again; "blacklisted."

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're suffering and even though I don't know you IRL, I have a better connection with you than even my "family," simply because of extremely relatable experiences and a lot of shared disease states that get more and more infinitely complex with each passing day.

 

[Wrennie]

Conventional medicine (and really, all other complementary and alternative forms of medicine), has been infiltrated by magisterial egoists with an unrealized god-complex. Modern medicine is anti-life and RIFE with life-ending medical-errors.

"Medicine" as a career choice is just an alluring get-rich-quick scheme for sociopaths who are willing to accept collateral damage in the pursuits of needless wealth and social status. Many sign up to be MDs, or DOs, so that they can put an honorific next to their twitter handle, but the ones that STAY around as practicing physicians, only do so because they become drunk on the power that medicine grants them over people's bodies and life. These people are the most problematic and are arguably legally-tolerated serial killers.

I was also forcibly drugged with anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, anxiolytics, amphetamines, and other medications that I instinctively and reflexively disobeyed from swallowing. These drugs turn on pro-disease genes, and turn off anti-aging genes. So to do this to children―it's unconscionable; it's torture, and it's active sadism veiled as medicine. Life never even started for me—I was chronically drugged at 2 years old with anti-cholinergics, anti-biotics and soy-based milk formulas by my uninformed, retarded parents.

These are FULLY DEVELOPED adult MEN & WOMEN being told by their big pharma sponsors to drug children for the children's and society's benefit.

MONEY & POWER are at the root of this evil, and the student physicians hellbent on being a physician are often times fighting tooth and nail to get that highly-sought after honorific: M.D. or D.O., next to their name, all so that they can ostentatiously run victory laps around their suffering patients about how much higher on the social hierarchy that they are than their lowly, helpless, and plebeian patients. And most importantly: how much more superior they feel they are than the prototypical prole of modern society

Independent thought and action is thought of as reckless endangerment and we now frequently go to doctors to consult over every little inconvenience. These supposed low-risk "check-ups" are where they first enact their frothing at the mouth desire to be insidious and cunning towards unsuspecting new patients. Every naive conventional medicine "virgin" gets devirginized by them with their ill-conceived prescribing practices and damaging diagnostic procedures. Not all have the intent to orgasm to their patients' slow demise, but I ASSURE you, that there are a concerning amount of sociopaths in medicine.

The ending of "Requiem for a Dream," where the protagonist's mother seeks out a doctor's help to lose a couple of pounds, but instead turns into a amphetamine addict who develops psychosis and then gets raped by electro-convulsive therapy is the most accurate microcosm of modern medicine.

There are copious amounts of documented life-ending malfeasance, but that's just a small fraction of the true carnage that doctors commit on a second-by-second basis. Many victims of medicine have their voices and outcries buried alive and are promptly labeled as terminally histrionic―never to be taken seriously ever again; "blacklisted."

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're suffering and even though I don't know you IRL, I have a better connection with you than even my "family," simply because of extremely relatable experiences and a lot of shared disease states that get more and more infinitely complex with each passing day.

I adore this post. It accurately & detailedly summarizes everything that is wrong with modern medicine in a manner that I personally lack the mental capacity to articulate.

Thank you for validating my suffering.

I wish you weren't trapped on the same sinking cruise ship as I am. The water is already up to my neck. I pray it has only reached your feet thus far.

 

[Chronicillness]

I adore this post. It detailedly & accurately summarizes everything that is wrong with modern medicine in a manner that I myself am incapable of articulating.

Thank you for validating my suffering.

I wish you weren't trapped on the same sinking cruise ship as I am. The water is already up to my neck. I pray it has only reached your feet thus far.

I'm trapped in the titanic of chronically ill sufferers and even the fellow chronically ill on the titanic are getting prioritized and life-boated to safety before me (or so this is how I interpret the hopeless severity of my condition). Seems like you're trapped in the lower chambers of the titanic, like me, with the doors sealed shut to let us desperate but severely disabled folk get disposed of like we never existed.

The water is filling the chamber, but with persistence, I am able to swim just up a little further away from the rising waters, just enough to prevent the water from drowning my nasal passages; however, the hopelessness takes a devilish form and stares at me directly in the eyes every time I try to swim upwards, because I am met with the brutal reality that I'm entrapped in a locked room with a ceiling that cannot be penetrated; my demise inevitable, and so while I use 110% of my energy and resources remain afloat, the psychological torture of being in an inescapable torture chamber is simply too much to bear. I'm now continuing my existence just to continue fighting through incomprehensible terror and extraordinary agony.

I'm truly, truly sorry, Wrennie. Your soul shines bright with a heavenly luminescence, even through the grimness of your illnesses, I can feel it.

My PMs are open for you if you ever need a friend to endlessly relate to.

(P.S. also don't feel obligated to PM me because I've invited you to do so, I know how exhausting communication can be for someone in our exact situation. I admittedly have a hard time replying to people, simply because my dysphoria and shell-shock from what is my daily life is so profound that I cannot even get a small window of opportunity to distract myself from the sensory torture and trauma to give a full-on reply. But don't let that sway you from PMing me if you ever want, I'd be delighted to talk to you.)

 

[NumbItAll]

I have diagnoses of Multi Focal Motor Neuron Neuropathy & Chronic Inflammatory Distal Axonal Demyelinating Polyneuropathy & Small Fiber Neuropathy, in addition to Autoimmune Encephalitis (PANDAS), Hemochromatosis, Raynaud's, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Dysautonomia, Hashimoto's antibodies, Lyme Disease, Titanium Toxicity (from the metal implant they inserted into my hip after my fall), limb length discrepancy (from botched surgery), Anorexia, GERD, Essential Tremor, Visual Impairment, Sleep Apnea, TMJ/malocclusion, migraines, severe insomnia, scoliosis, broken back, pelvic imbalance, full-body loss of Proprioception, and hoards of other ailments that just keep on compiling.

I probably have Osteoporosis now as well since I stopped menstruating months ago.

My wounds have ceased healing. My body is covered in bruises that are months old (ever since I lost proprioception I'm always unintentionally bashing into things as a result of not being able to sense objects in my surroundings).

My hair has turned white so I shaved it off. I didn't even go grey first, it just went straight to white.

My skin is literally peeling off.

I get random nosebleeds at night.

I look and feel like the type of corpse that's posted on snuff forums.

My body is the most effective Iron Maiden.

I haven't even touched upon my CPTSD or psychological trauma in this post either, or the fact that I was so heavily drugged as a child that I never developed a proper sex drive.

Keeping me alive just shows how revoltingly primitive society's views toward dignified death are.

This is so sad... I've been trying to think of something to say but nothing is really sufficient. You've basically already summed it up here:

Im being tortured and there's no accountability.

You seem like an awesome person... I hate seeing this level of cruelty take place.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Thank you so much, Persephone. I truly appreciate everything you've said beyond words.
I know you've suffered greatly too - this world isn't fair at all.

As for my father, the more I think about it I believe he unknowingly has PTSD from having witnessed his own father die slowly and painfully from cancer in his youth. He shuts me down because he doesn't know how to handle it. Yesterday he behaved lovingly and kindly toward me when I was deteriorating. I don't think he means to act "callous" per say, but that's how I interpret things when he refers to me as "crazy" when I have mental breakdowns from the pain. It's just that he's never been there himself, so he doesn't get it. Now my little brother also has Covid (in addition to Lyme) and is starting to develop symptoms similar to my own, and I think the thought of potentially losing both of his children to disease is wearing on him. I do love my father, I just wish he behaved with more understanding toward the daily tortures I am forced to contend with.

As for forcing me to die naturally, it's our only option in America. My parents love me, but letting me go would go against all of their instincts as parents. I often rant about them because of that, but deep down I know they are coming from a position of love. They don't want to lose me. They are trying all that they can to cure me and are actively fighting against doctors/insurance to get me my treatment with everything they've got… but their actions just aren't bearing any fruit. It's not their fault, it's simply that the system is utterly broken.

I want the pain to stop so desperately, though. This isn't the kind of suffering that's sustainable. But all the ER offered to do for me was "section" me because they thought I was a danger to myself. They provided zero solutions for my pain.

In a way I view this as a form of natural selection since I'm dying from something that wouldn't kill other people, but at least let me be "selected" already. If enough doctors tell you there's nothing to be done, why can't a peaceful & dignified death be an option for individuals such as myself? I know society fears that if we treat death of the disabled too liberally it could lead to full-on eugenics, but I think that's a stretch. Humanity must take risks in order to advance. That is the case for every innovation.

I still think most of these decisions are religiously motivated, as our politicians insert God into their every decision despite us living in the modern era.

Have you ever tried writing to Dr Mike, that doctor on YouTube who is based in NY. He spoke about Lyme disease before on his clip and he seem to be a pretty decent doctor..

 

[Sad_Sack]

I have diagnoses of Multi Focal Motor Neuron Neuropathy & Chronic Inflammatory Distal Axonal Demyelinating Polyneuropathy & Small Fiber Neuropathy, in addition to Autoimmune Encephalitis (PANDAS), Hemochromatosis, Raynaud's, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Dysautonomia, Hashimoto's antibodies, Lyme Disease, Titanium Toxicity (from the metal implant they inserted into my hip after my fall), limb length discrepancy (from botched surgery), Anorexia, GERD, Essential Tremor, Visual Impairment, Sleep Apnea, TMJ/malocclusion, migraines, severe insomnia, scoliosis, broken back, pelvic imbalance, full-body loss of Proprioception, and hoards of other ailments that just keep on compiling.

I probably have Osteoporosis now as well since I stopped menstruating months ago.

My wounds have ceased healing. My body is covered in bruises that are months old (ever since I lost proprioception I'm always unintentionally bashing into things as a result of not being able to sense objects in my surroundings).

My hair has turned white so I shaved it off. I didn't even go grey first, it just went straight to white.

My skin is literally peeling off.

I get random nosebleeds at night.

I look and feel like the type of corpse that's posted on snuff forums.

My body is the most effective Iron Maiden.

I haven't even touched upon my CPTSD or psychological trauma in this post either, or the fact that I was so heavily drugged as a child that I never developed a proper sex drive.

Keeping me alive just shows how revoltingly primitive society's views toward dignified death are.

Oh my god I'm so so sorry. I don't know what to say. I truly believe they don't find cures for these types of disorders so they can make money off or treating the symptoms with medications. They want you alive as long as possible because as long as you are alive you are taxable on some level. They would keep a person alive who permantly on fire if they thought they could get a dollar a year out of them.