Discussion Age Problem& being immature

[a.n.kirillov]

Some suggestions for questions to ask yourself: What do you mean by maturity? What makes someone mature? By when should a person reach maturity? 18? 21, 25? or more like 40, 50 or 60? Do you think most people are actually intellectually mature, rational persons who have a clear view on reality, on who they are and what the good life is? Do you know who you are and what the good life is (to you)?

How do you know that most of your peers actually reached all of the "milestones"? Do all of your peers know about the "milestones" you missed? Do you know how they feel about themselves, secure or insecure? How many of them, do you think, will wake up one day, when they're fourty or fifty, and suddenly realize they have lived life according to someone else's values or plans?

I know so many late bloomers personally, in all areas of life, that I came to conclude that our view of when people ought be reach their prime, or when they should be considered mature, is misguided. The ancients knew that a man in his twenties is a child, and a man in his thirties isn't even close to in his prime. By then you have just finished your basic education, and your real education should begin at that age. Of course, most people will stop learning by the time they start working, and instead let their brains rot away for the next fourty years by sitting in front of the television and drinking beer, and thereby becoming brain-dead ignoramuses.

So I would say, at 26, consider your sense of immaturity a sign of self awareness and an invitation to begin a lifetime of learning and developing ... All good things take time, and figuring out the good life, coming into yourself, maturing – those are lifetime goals to aspire to, not boxes of predetermined "milestones" you check off before your 21st birthday.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Some suggestions for questions to ask yourself: What do you mean by maturity? What makes someone mature? By when should a person reach maturity? 18? 21, 25? or more like 40, 50 or 60? Do you think most people are actually intellectually mature, rational persons who have a clear view on reality, on who they are and what the good life is? Do you know who you are and what the good life is (to you)?

How do you know that most of your peers actually reached all of the "milestones"? Do all of your peers know about the "milestones" you missed? Do you know how they feel about themselves, secure or insecure? How many of them, do you think, will wake up one day, when they're fourty or fifty, and suddenly realize they have lived life according to someone else's values or plans?

I know so many late bloomers personally, in all areas of life, that I came to conclude that our view of when people ought be reach their prime, or when they should be considered mature, is misguided. The ancients knew that a man in his twenties is a child, and a man in his thirties isn't even close to in his prime. By then you have just finished your basic education, and your real education should begin at that age. Of course, most people will stop learning by the time they start working, and instead let their brains rot away for the next fourty years by sitting in front of the television and drinking beer, and thereby becoming brain-dead ignoramuses.

So I would say, at 26, consider your sense of immaturity a sign of self awareness and an invitation to begin a lifetime of learning and developing ... All good things take time, and figuring out the good life, coming into yourself, maturing – those are lifetime goals to aspire to, not boxes of predetermined "milestones" you check off before your 21st birthday.

This is such a great and thoughtful comment. Thank you :)

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

Yes i feel way younger. I'm 37 but mentally feel like 16 but at the same time my body feels like elderly since i have a shitload of health issues. No job,live at home, just started my first ever relationship last year. It's terrible and depressing.idk why i was born.

 

[Good4Nothing]

For context I'm 26 but I often feel like I lack certain life experiences and that because I haven't yet achieved certain milestones in life, things such as a long term relationship/marriage or a stable job that pays well etc, and also because I have very limited friend group, I often feel like I'm more immature than my actual age.

I actually feel like I'm 19 or some shit.
It makes me feel inadequate.

Can anyone relate?

That's nothing.
I'm 48, never been married, never had a successful long term relationship, no kids, never owned a house, never owned a new car, never had a job longer than 8 years, no stock portfolio, no savings account, no credit, nothing of any real value at all.
I feel like I never matured past the age of 23.

I am 55. But 4 months ago I was 19. I got to know Lady Grinning Soul, fell in love, danced across the fields and dusted my world with powdered sugar.

It went 2 months. Then she closed the door. Now I feel like 74. I think the numbers were just added up.

Same thing just happened to me.

 

[so tired or manic]

never had a job longer than 8

8 years is fantastic, don't sell yourself short.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Some suggestions for questions to ask yourself: What do you mean by maturity? What makes someone mature? By when should a person reach maturity? 18? 21, 25? or more like 40, 50 or 60? Do you think most people are actually intellectually mature, rational persons who have a clear view on reality, on who they are and what the good life is? Do you know who you are and what the good life is (to you)?

How do you know that most of your peers actually reached all of the "milestones"? Do all of your peers know about the "milestones" you missed? Do you know how they feel about themselves, secure or insecure? How many of them, do you think, will wake up one day, when they're fourty or fifty, and suddenly realize they have lived life according to someone else's values or plans?

I know so many late bloomers personally, in all areas of life, that I came to conclude that our view of when people ought be reach their prime, or when they should be considered mature, is misguided. The ancients knew that a man in his twenties is a child, and a man in his thirties isn't even close to in his prime. By then you have just finished your basic education, and your real education should begin at that age. Of course, most people will stop learning by the time they start working, and instead let their brains rot away for the next fourty years by sitting in front of the television and drinking beer, and thereby becoming brain-dead ignoramuses.

So I would say, at 26, consider your sense of immaturity a sign of self awareness and an invitation to begin a lifetime of learning and developing ... All good things take time, and figuring out the good life, coming into yourself, maturing – those are lifetime goals to aspire to, not boxes of predetermined "milestones" you check off before your 21st birthday.

Well said. Thank you for your insights.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I used to feel like that for a long time but I'm over it now. I've accepted it and I don't care about what society expects. People might say I'm eccentric or crazy and that's fine with me. Actually I feel older now, much older than my peers. My peers want to go out and party while their kids are asleep and one up each other on Instagram and Facebook, I just want to stay in and sleep early and do gardening or something. I also look at the world and society through the eyes of old people, people who have experience and have been there. I guess I grew up too fast and did everything during my teenage years.

 

[mathieu]

I can totally relate. I'm 29 but feel like a teenager. I can't imagine having a ltr, kids, owning a home, high responsibility job etc. I just never grew up that much. As a result I get on better with people much younger than me. I think it's like this... When you become mentally unwell, bedridden and not living for years, you don't mature emotionally in that time.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I'm only 18 but I have the maturity of a 12 year old if that means anything. Things like dating and talking to new people feel totally foreign and scary to me, and I can never organise my time and emotions.

I have the same problem with time. I have loads of it, but never know how to put it to good use. I have crippling anxiety even when I talk to children, let alone someone my age. I percieve the world in the same way I did when I was a child, I do not think that I have progressed emotionally any further than the age of 7.

 

[Belit667]

For context I'm 26 but I often feel like I lack certain life experiences and that because I haven't yet achieved certain milestones in life, things such as a long term relationship/marriage or a stable job that pays well etc, and also because I have very limited friend group, I often feel like I'm more immature than my actual age.

I actually feel like I'm 19 or some shit.
It makes me feel inadequate.

Can anyone relate?

I can, but I don't worry about that. Sheeple think I'm some messed up retard because I'm 35 and I'm single, no career and my hobbies are comic books and anime and drawing fan-art.

 

[Theodora]

Yep .. recently turned 20 still live at home .. walked out of the last job I had .. I do nothing but sleep .. I failed education.. I feel useless and I fail everything I'm too dumb for this world.. I need my parents for everything I have no idea what to do anymore I'm too scared to get a job and too scared to go back to college.. I was literally listening to high school musical on my 20th birthday I was terrified to turn 20 and I hate it

 

[MrBlue]

Yep, I'm 22 in a couple weeks but have the life experiences of a 13/14 year old. Never had a job, still live at home, can't drive, never been in a relationship...and I'm not achieving them anytime soon either. I'll probably be in my late 30's before I can get to the point I should be at my age. I'll likely never be able to have a relationship.

I remember when I was a kid/teenager everyone would tell me I was mature for my age, but I guess I peaked at 12 or something in that regard lol

 

[Theodora]

How is everyone

 

[david7]

never ever say yourself that u are not good enough great people came out of pure poverty the thing that matters isnt money is the thing that u think of yourself and if u think you are weak and u cant handle anything and your life is gone then u will end up in dark places...dont let others make u feel bad about your self work 24/7 and never give up start with anything u can it might be low budget but think how u can acheive better and give your self a good energy that u done that and never ever stay in your comfort zoneee neveeerrrr eveeeerrrrrrr........iam not in a well situation at allll but i think i can figure it iam a 28 year old guy with a wife which my busseiness totally got crashed but if i want to sit back and say that i cant be successfull anymore then in should take the gun out stick it to my head and bangggg end it allll but i wont life is a fight club if u dont fight u will be kicked badly even by the loved ones...life isnt that kind words u hear

 

[KleinerWolf]

never ever say yourself that u are not good enough great people came out of pure poverty the thing that matters isnt money is the thing that u think of yourself and if u think you are weak and u cant handle anything and your life is gone then u will end up in dark places...dont let others make u feel bad about your self work 24/7 and never give up start with anything u can it might be low budget but think how u can acheive better and give your self a good energy that u done that and never ever stay in your comfort zoneee neveeerrrr eveeeerrrrrrr........iam not in a well situation at allll but i think i can figure it iam a 28 year old guy with a wife which my busseiness totally got crashed but if i want to sit back and say that i cant be successfull anymore then in should take the gun out stick it to my head and bangggg end it allll but i wont life is a fight club if u dont fight u will be kicked badly even by the loved ones...life isnt that kind words u hear

you have a lot of strength in you and that's admirable.
what you say is true.

Time will tell if I give up or keep going.

 

[Jumper Geo]

I wouldn't worry your only as old as you feel, I think thats why adult cartoons have done so well I have asked a lot of people in there 60's 70's and they say mentally they still feel like they are 18 years old.

Cheers

Geo

 

[dropdeadfred]

Sometimes I feel as though I never aged past 17. I am physically 32 years old. Can relate, Stroke!
This is partly the reason I am careful not to question someone's age so instantly. They could be younger or older than they seem, for various reasons.

 

[stygal]

I feel like I'm mentally stuck at 16 but my body (due to its disability) feels like it's 45 at the same time.

Not having had any important milestones (relationship, house, family, very successful job) never really bothered me for some reason.

Luckily nobody from my family expects anything from me. They just want me to have enough money to be independent
(so they basically don't have to "care" about me any longer) which I succeeded at.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

For context I'm 26 but I often feel like I lack certain life experiences and that because I haven't yet achieved certain milestones in life, things such as a long term relationship/marriage or a stable job that pays well etc, and also because I have very limited friend group, I often feel like I'm more immature than my actual age.

I actually feel like I'm 19 or some shit.
It makes me feel inadequate.

Can anyone relate?

I'm also 26 but I often feel like I'm actually 15 or 16 sometimes.

Though I also feel 50 when I see cringey zoomer stuff like Tik Toks.

 

[Disappointered]

I'm in my 40s but I never got past the age of 13. I gave up on ever meeting basic standards or knowing what actual happiness even is. I knew early on that I was designated to even to be the loser. Now I exist but I turned everything off as much as possible because I know that there is nothing for me to experience beyond what an average plant might experience.

 

[dandan]

First of all, I'm alright with TRT for 15 months now.

The first month I was okay I've met a gorgeous successful woman who few months after she asked me if I would like to be the man of his life. I had to tell my story and a No, I'm not ready.

Besides my lost Bitcoin, she's my second regret because of my immaturity and consciousness of my own "lesser value".

I still talk to her, she's had a boyfriend shortly after me. She's been a mentor to me. I've grown up.

Only experience helps in my opinion , there's no other way to grow. Sad but true.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

In some ways I feel way behind the curve, yes. I've had many relationships but have no secondary education and limited job opportunities, plus no friends and no desire to socialize. So I exist in a bubble, a glass jar of sorts. I've always been something of an observer, instead of someone who has gotten their hands dirty, so to speak.

I do think I am pretty spiritually evolved even though I know that sounds like a horrible cliche. I suspect my EQ is fairly high. But I don't have much to offer beyond that.

 

[AutoTap]

For context I'm 26 but I often feel like I lack certain life experiences and that because I haven't yet achieved certain milestones in life, things such as a long term relationship/marriage or a stable job that pays well etc, and also because I have very limited friend group, I often feel like I'm more immature than my actual age.

I actually feel like I'm 19 or some shit.
It makes me feel inadequate.

Can anyone relate?

Everyone is different, try not to compare yourself to others to much. Lots of them havnt been through half of what we've been through.

 

[Kramer]

i'm 31 and while I've had what most would consider serious relationships, my financial life didn't get past retail work before getting disability. Now I'm single as can be and jobless and poor as fuck so it's hard to relate to anyone my age. Even living at parents because any apartments I can afford don't allow pets and renting a room isn't fair to the little guys.

sometimes it's hard to not compare, but I usually wind up telling myself if they went through even a little bit of what I've gone through they wouldn't be any better off.

Renting a room sucks so bad, especially when you're on disability.

 

[Gnip]

I'm a virgin well past a stage in my life where that can ever change. And there's no excitement, no sense of passionate urgency in making out with girls beyond the teenage years, at least in my experience.

Ah well. At least I don't have to worry about STDs or knocking some girl up...

Renting a room sucks so bad, especially when you're on disability.

This is part of the reason I will CTB immediately after something happens to my mother, while I still retain some freedom of choice or action, and a measure of privacy from potentially snoopy neighbors. I still have a legal long time home address for the necessary equipment and supplies to be shipped to, and can have it ordered and mailed in the names of different relatives.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

These expectations in life are bullshit. Maturity is something that comes from within, not by attainment or by meeting standards set by other people.

I'm a virgin well past a stage in my life where that can ever change.

I can relate, but you don't need to close the door on that possibility. Its never too late, and older women aren't as hung up on stuff like this.

 

[Gnip]

These expectations in life are bullshit. Maturity is something that comes from within, not by attainment or by meeting standards set by other people.


I can relate, but you don't need to close the door on that possibility. Its never too late, and older women aren't as hung up on stuff like this.

When I was 14-22 years old, I was attracted to females aged 16-19. Since I was that age, I have remained attracted to females aged 16-19. (I have no problems with older females being attracted to young males BTW.)

The culture where I came from, there are certain absolute turn offs, like tattoos and piercings.(I completely agree with Hugh Hefner's policy for the classic Playboy Magazine era that any tattoos or piercings were an absolute disqualifier for posing in his publications.) I have a female friend who feels that tattoos on girls are disgusting, and she's promised me that there are no females anywhere above the age of consent (16 where I am) and under the age of 45 who do not have tattoos in 2020.

Any female who refers to herself as a "woman" is automatically out. (In the place where I grew up, "woman" was a more derogatory putdown than "slut" or "cunt." Calling any female a "woman" at my high school or college was guaranteed to result in a nasty fight.)

Yeah, given all that, I'm pretty confident I can close the door forever on that possibility. (Also, since I am not being a hypocrite in wanting this, if I was ever to lose my virginity, it would have to be to a female who is herself a virgin. That probably erases every female everywhere over the age of consent who is in any was desirable.)

 

[Ralph246]

I'm 31 chronologically, but like... real age? Mental? Maybe 16.
Spent half of my life literally sitting and waiting. I'm still sitting and waiting, but at least I'm closer to the action now.

Exactly the same here.

 

[Makko]

These expectations in life are bullshit. Maturity is something that comes from within, not by attainment or by meeting standards set by other people.

Maturity is something attained by reflecting on and drawing wisdom from your life experiences. That is, your expriences of the world outside of yourself. It's not something you can manufacture on your own out of nothing.

I notice this especially because I'm not immature in all aspects of life, but only in some (very important ones). I can reflect on my "journey to maturity" in my professional life because of all the things I've experienced in that context. In my personal life I'm still 3 years old because I haven't experienced anything at all, meaning that there was no journey.