Venting After attempting and surviving, my life is even worse

[nico_wren]

It's been a long time since I've posted here. I attempted around a year ago, and I've been in and out of the hospital since. I'm now "good to go" by their standards with a million pills I'll never remember to take, but I feel so much worse than before. My boyfriend broke up with me, my friends left me, and I just feel so lonely. Part of me wants to try again, but I'm scared I'll fail again and what's worse is I'd definitely lose my job. So what would I even have to live for? I keep joking that I will just become a drug addict and live it up like that until I pass, but the joke becomes more and more real each day.

 

[dontlook]

It's been a long time since I've posted here. I attempted around a year ago, and I've been in and out of the hospital since. I'm now "good to go" by their standards with a million pills I'll never remember to take, but I feel so much worse than before. My boyfriend broke up with me, my friends left me, and I just feel so lonely. Part of me wants to try again, but I'm scared I'll fail again and what's worse is I'd definitely lose my job. So what would I even have to live for? I keep joking that I will just become a drug addict and live it up like that until I pass, but the joke becomes more and more real each day.

I'm so sorry you've had to endure this, it sounds like a nightmare

Would you care to share your method and what caused your attempt to fail?

 

[nico_wren]

I'm so sorry you've had to endure this, it sounds like a nightmare

Would you care to share your method and what caused your attempt to fail?

I had stocked up on some prescribed benzos and taken them all. My mom happened to call me up that day and was worried when I didn't answer and my Life360 (which I have since deleted since it fucked me over so bad) said I was still at home when I was scheduled to be at work. She let herself in with her spare key and I was taken to the hospital where they gave me some drug which reverses the effects of the benzos on a person overdosing. I was stuck in the hospital for a bit, but made it unscathed

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

I'm sorry you have to go through this as well. I'm in a similar situation as you- I've been to a psych ward for ten day long stays 3 times in the past six months. No one should have left you when you were at your weakest, that's on them, not you. Struggling to find a reason to live is what a lot of people here go through, I hope that someone on this site can help you feel a bit better.