Lost Magic
Illuminated
- May 5, 2020
- 3,158
A friend (only one really) and I went to a pub with a karaoke. We both hadn't been out in years. We were actually supposed to go and see a musical but it got canceled due to the poor structure of the building. I had a Randy Watson t-shirt on (Sexual Chocolate from Coming to America lol) and a pair of funny-looking LED glasses. But it was one of those nights where I knew that even though I was only out for a laugh, I knew deep down inside that I didn't want to keep this charade going for much longer. While I met some cool people who were nice to me, I just didn't feel right. As the the night was drawing to a close I knew I was going back to my lonely home and I would have to face up to greater challenges including my clinical depression. I am also at an age where I feel like I have been there and done that, but the pain of loss and isolation never goes away. I'll probably feel a bit better in a few days after some exercising and back on the meds but I don't want to live like this forever. Every day feels like a war, only I'm fighting with myself. I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm just too tired.
