borderline-feline
Constantly Sleepy Catgirl
- Dec 28, 2022
- 645
I'm terrified of the passage of time, because I know that I don't have a future. At some point, I'm gonna have to quit my job. Once that happens, I won't be able to get a new one and will have to just live on disability, which would just limit me even further.
I've been trying to give up on my dreams of being an artist because I shouldn't have dreams. I have zero aptitude for anything, but especially creativity, and I have about a month left to return the drawing tablet I bought before I'm no longer able to return it. I just can't bring myself to give up on art, even though it's become tantamount to self-harm due to my inability to learn.
I have zero aptitude and zero skills. I don't know if I can even be fully considered to be a person in the philosophical sense, as I have no identity.
I want to die, but I made a promise to my favorite person. I told him that I wouldn't self-harm or kill myself, but I greatly regret that. I was afraid that he would leave me after a meltdown I had that involved trying to explain rational suicide to him, so I had no choice other than making a promise that I didn't mean. I can't do anything to hurt him more than I already do just by existing in his life. I think that my death would cause him less pain in the long run, but I could never get him to understand that.
When I tried to explain to someone that my death would cause him less pain than staying in his life would, I was just told not to kill myself for someone else's sake. By that same logic, why is it okay to expect me to stay alive for someone else's sake?
I want to get rid of all of my emotions, and death is the only way to do it.
I'm sorry that this was kind of all over the place. I'm not used to using a forum, and I'm generally bad at communicating. I want someone to just tell me what to do, but no one seems willing to do that. How do I even begin to approach any of this?
I've been trying to give up on my dreams of being an artist because I shouldn't have dreams. I have zero aptitude for anything, but especially creativity, and I have about a month left to return the drawing tablet I bought before I'm no longer able to return it. I just can't bring myself to give up on art, even though it's become tantamount to self-harm due to my inability to learn.
I have zero aptitude and zero skills. I don't know if I can even be fully considered to be a person in the philosophical sense, as I have no identity.
I want to die, but I made a promise to my favorite person. I told him that I wouldn't self-harm or kill myself, but I greatly regret that. I was afraid that he would leave me after a meltdown I had that involved trying to explain rational suicide to him, so I had no choice other than making a promise that I didn't mean. I can't do anything to hurt him more than I already do just by existing in his life. I think that my death would cause him less pain in the long run, but I could never get him to understand that.
When I tried to explain to someone that my death would cause him less pain than staying in his life would, I was just told not to kill myself for someone else's sake. By that same logic, why is it okay to expect me to stay alive for someone else's sake?
I want to get rid of all of my emotions, and death is the only way to do it.
I'm sorry that this was kind of all over the place. I'm not used to using a forum, and I'm generally bad at communicating. I want someone to just tell me what to do, but no one seems willing to do that. How do I even begin to approach any of this?