Discussion afraid of surviving

[viclord]

I'm ctb soon, but I'm scared of surviving. I'm really afraid of waking up in a hospital, and the main reason for this is because I know that emergencies can be expensive here in the us (I'm an immigrant without an insurance), but I'm not sure how much can this cost. Anyone here with this same issue? how much this kind of emergency can cost?
I'm using the SN method, and you can't know what's really going to happen after you drink the SN, so I need to be prepared for anything that happen.

 

[Versailles]

Oh, I understand how you feel, if your SN passes the blood test, there is not much to worry about, although keep in mind that in case he survives, there will be no major damage to his body, so I do not think he will have to pay some extra in hospitals.

 

[viclord]

Oh, I understand how you feel, if your SN passes the blood test, there is not much to worry about, although keep in mind that in case he survives, there will be no major damage to his body, so I do not think he will have to pay some extra in hospitals.

I don't understand the blood test thing, is it a mandatory thing for the SN method? I'm not even sure how to do that. Any advice is helpful!

 

[Eddypaddy]

check out the thread "testing-sn-how-to-get-to-hospital-fast". SN seems like a sure way to escape

 

[Apricity]

I don't understand the blood test thing, is it a mandatory thing for the SN method? I'm not even sure how to do that. Any advice is helpful!

You mix some of your blood with SN. Most people cut themselves, but if you can get a syringe to draw from a vein, it would be less painful and messy. If it turns brown, it's genuine. If you did your research on and trust the source, no need to test. It isn't mandatory, but it's commonly done.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

The uncertainty is the worst part. Especially if you botched an attempt before. It has only made my SI stronger with each failure. If there was a switch you could flip then none of us would still be here. Look at how many people are sitting on bottles of N but still unable to do it.

Maybe at some point your life gets so bad SI does not even matter anymore. I want to avoid further pain and humiliation if possible and do it sooner than later. Because at some point I will have to die. It is just a matter of how much abuse I can tolerate before then.

 

[viclord]

The uncertainty is the worst part. Especially if you botched an attempt before. It has only made my SI stronger with each failure. If there was a switch you could flip then none of us would still be here. Look at how many people are sitting on bottles of N but still unable to do it.

Maybe at some point your life gets so bad SI does not even matter anymore. I want to avoid further pain and humiliation if possible and do it sooner than later. Because at some point I will have to die. It is just a matter of how much abuse I can tolerate before then.

no doubts this is the worst part. I wish I could predict what is going to happen, but this is not possible. I guess this is what makes ctb so hard, even though I know I need to die and I'm feeling numb about most things the idea of not knowing what's gonna happen next makes me really afraid.

It's sad to hear you've had failed attempts… I hope you can finally do whatever is going to give you peace.

You mix some of your blood with SN. Most people cut themselves, but if you can get a syringe to draw from a vein, it would be less painful and messy. If it turns brown, it's genuine. If you did your research on and trust the source, no need to test. It isn't mandatory, but it's commonly done.

thanks. I did my research and I know the SN is legit. But I'm trying this anyway.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

no doubts this is the worst part. I wish I could predict what is going to happen, but this is not possible. I guess this is what makes ctb so hard, even though I know I need to die and I'm feeling numb about most things the idea of not knowing what's gonna happen next makes me really afraid.

It sucks we have to be in a position to make this decision in the first place. But no amount of regret and crying will fix my problems. Nothing can undo what happened and nothing can make me forget.

Life is not a gift it is a curse. Even if you had a good life knowing it will end one day is such a massive mind fuck. People who mindlessly have kids without truly thinking of the consequences are pure evil.

 

[viclord]

It sucks we have to be in a position to make this decision in the first place. But no amount of regret and crying will fix my problems. Nothing can undo what happened and nothing can make me forget.

Life is not a gift it is a curse. Even if you had a good life knowing it will end one day is such a massive mind fuck. People who mindlessly have kids without truly thinking of the consequences are pure evil.

I don't know what you're going through, but it seems to be an awful situation, and even though I want to say something nice, nothing is going to help. When we are at this point where we start planning ctb nothing can't help anymore… I just want to finally rest, I can't even cry about things anymore.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I don't know what you're going through, but it seems to be an awful situation, and even though I want to say something nice, nothing is going to help. When we are at this point where we start planning ctb nothing can't help anymore… I just want to finally rest, I can't even cry about things anymore.

I agree. I always said once you seriously entertain the idea of ctb you just crossed the point of no return. These thoughts will stay with you forever. The prospect of enduring 50+ years of misery is so unfathomably soul crushing. Yet you still haven't found a way to overcome SI and just do it. Existence is such a mindfuck.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

If you follow the SN regimen and give yourself enough time not to be found, your chance of survival is pretty much close to zero

 

[viclord]

I agree. I always said once you seriously entertain the idea of ctb you just crossed the point of no return. These thoughts will stay with you forever. The prospect of enduring 50+ years of misery is so unfathomably soul crushing. Yet you still haven't found a way to overcome SI and just do it. Existence is such

I agree. I always said once you seriously entertain the idea of ctb you just crossed the point of no return. These thoughts will stay with you forever. The prospect of enduring 50+ years of misery is so unfathomably soul crushing. Yet you still haven't found a way to overcome SI and just do it. Existence is such a mindfuck.

Since I decided to ctb I feel better… I have everything planned and is going to be soon. Knowing that this is going to end gives me so much relief I cannot explain. I cannot live more than 1 year like this, so thinking about +50 years of this shit is just too overwhelming. This has to end soon.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Since I decided to ctb I feel better… I have everything planned and is going to be soon. Knowing that this is going to end gives me so much relief I cannot explain. I cannot live more than 1 year like this, so thinking about +50 years of this shit is just too overwhelming. This has to end soon.

Every year for the past 10 years was supposed to be my final year on this hell planet. Every single one of us did not think we would make it this far. Yet every morning we all wake up to find ourselves still alive. I think we should not overestimate our own abilities to ctb.

Obviously there is a secret to successfully overcoming SI. But it is not like anyone can come back from the grave to tell us. We all have to figure it out on our own.

 

[viclord]

Every year for the past 10 years was supposed to be my final year on this hell planet. Every single one of us did not think we would make it this far. Yet every morning we all wake up to find ourselves still alive. I think we should not overestimate our own abilities to ctb.

Obviously there is a secret to successfully overcoming SI. But it is not like anyone can come back from the grave to tell us. We all have to figure it out on our own.t

Every year for the past 10 years was supposed to be my final year on this hell planet. Every single one of us did not think we would make it this far. Yet every morning we all wake up to find ourselves still alive. I think we should not overestimate our own abilities to ctb.

Obviously there is a secret to successfully overcoming SI. But it is not like anyone can come back from the grave to tell us. We all have to figure it out on our own.

this is just so complicated. We want to ctb, but I'm pretty sure that one of the main thing that stops us is the survival instinct. If only there was a way of stopping that mechanism maybe ctb would be easier.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

this is just so complicated. We want to ctb, but I'm pretty sure that one of the main thing that stops us is the survival instinct. If only there was a way of stopping that mechanism maybe ctb would be easier.

SI can be defeated. Over a million people each year successfully ctb. The problem is you will never really know how to defeat SI until you actually do it yourself. Even if you are successful you won't know you succeeded. You just simply shut off. Even in death you won't experience peace. Never being born truly is the best gift one can receive.

 

[Toonloon]

I'm ctb soon, but I'm scared of surviving. I'm really afraid of waking up in a hospital, and the main reason for this is because I know that emergencies can be expensive here in the us (I'm an immigrant without an insurance), but I'm not sure how much can this cost. Anyone here with this same issue? how much this kind of emergency can cost?
I'm using the SN method, and you can't know what's really going to happen after you drink the SN, so I need to be prepared for anything that happen.

If it is a serious emergency anyone in the US. will receive temporary insurance. It's usually just Medi-cal.
But you don't have to pay.
You have to talk to a social worker and explain your financial/immigration status.
They maybe able to help you qaulify for a better insurance than Medi-cal if you can afford it.
But for serious emergency they never charge anything even an ambulance.
If someone tells you something else call the IEHP/Medi-cal hotline and tell them what is going on.
They will tell you what to do to get free insurance.
Mind you it's not great but it's something and you don't have to pay a cent.

 

[viclord]

If it is a serious emergency anyone in the US. will receive temporary insurance. It's usually just Medi-cal.
But you don't have to pay.
You have to talk to a social worker and explain your financial/immigration status.
They maybe able to help you qaulify for a better insurance than Medi-cal if you can afford it.
But for serious emergency they never charge anything even an ambulance.
If someone tells you something else call the IEHP/Medi-cal hotline and tell them what is going on.
They will tell you what to do to get free insurance.
Mind you it's not great but it's something and you don't have to pay a cent.

I didn't know this! as an immigrant I've heard a million times that emergencies here are unaffordable and that was something I was afraid in case of surviving… Thanks for the information, this is exactly what I needed to know.

SI can be defeated. Over a million people each year successfully ctb. The problem is you will never really know how to defeat SI until you actually do it yourself. Even if you are successful you won't know you succeeded. You just simply shut off. Even in death you won't experience peace. Never being born truly is the best gift one can receive.

damn, I feel so stupid, you've been using the acronym "SI" a lot and I didn't know you were talking about surviving instinct. Sorry about that:^(

It's weird how we're never going to know that we succeed ctb. And thinking about how things are going to be after makes everything worse.

 

[Toonloon]

I didn't know this! as an immigrant I've heard a million times that emergencies here are unaffordable and that was something I was afraid in case of surviving… Thanks for the information, this is exactly what I needed to know.

damn, I feel so stupid, you've been using the acronym "SI" a lot and I didn't know you were talking about surviving instinct. Sorry about that:^(

It's weird how we're never going to know that we succeed ctb. And thinking about how things are going to be after makes everything worse.

The moment anyone sets foot in US soil you immediately get all our basic rights. Like right to a legal aid lawyer, right to medical emergency help and our civil rights.

You may have to look into your states current immigration stance and laws BUT you can't be denied any medical care if seriously needed.

And if you are ever being held by police you still have the right to speak to an attorney.

 

[reachingtheend]

I'm ctb soon, but I'm scared of surviving. I'm really afraid of waking up in a hospital, and the main reason for this is because I know that emergencies can be expensive here in the us (I'm an immigrant without an insurance), but I'm not sure how much can this cost. Anyone here with this same issue? how much this kind of emergency can cost?
I'm using the SN method, and you can't know what's really going to happen after you drink the SN, so I need to be prepared for anything that happen.

"Making a few glasses - will drink them till the job is done - no coming back, no failure."
~Stan - in his last thread on ss.

 

[viclord]

"Making a few glasses - will drink them till the job is done - no coming back, no failure."
~Stan - in his last thread on ss.

damn… The taste of SN is disgusting but that is one of the only ways to make sure you're not failing.

 

[reachingtheend]

damn… The taste of SN is disgusting but that is one of the only ways to make sure you're not failing.

This will be the last drink of my life and I think that mint chewing gum (to kill the aftertaste) will be my best friend that day.