Venting Afraid of doing it alone

[sully]

I was actually ok with ctb-ing alone with nice music with my 2 bottles (and there are positive threads here of people doing N alone) but lately I am constantly anxious about it, especially after info about how bad N tastes and all this talk about vomiting.

Anybody else with the same problem?

 

[LionsTigersAndBears]

I feel the same way, but I don't have any other options. If they're a problem with the N, I have 10 100mcg Fentanyl patches as my plan B.

 

[GreenMile]

Yes...it's agony...I worry about puking or something else messing things up at the last moment too.

I'm thinking the best time now would be first thing on waking, just so I don't have so much internal chatter, but I still have to complete somethings for the people left behind while my SI laughs at me and I wallow in extended intense crying sessions that drain what little energy I have left...frustrating and lonley !!!

 

[sully]

Thats great. I wish

I feel the same way, but I don't have any other options. If they're a problem with the N, I have 10 100mcg Fentanyl patches as my plan B.

I could find fenthanyl…

 

[IWantToGoFast]

I was thinking about the same thing for quite a while. Because I'm very lonely I was thinking of maybe having somebody with me at the end. But after that I thought that it's not fair to put that burden on somebody. It comes and goes with me, sometimes I feel ok dying alone sometimes I wish I had somebody and by somebody I mean a friend, not a stranger.

 

[sully]

I was thinking about the same thing for quite a while. Because I'm very lonely I was thinking of maybe having somebody with me at the end. But after that I thought that it's not fair to put that burden on somebody. It comes and goes with me, sometimes I feel ok dying alone sometimes I wish I had somebody and by somebody I mean a friend, not a stranger.

I wish it was possible to do it with someone too. But it is very hard to find a partner in my area

 

[IWantToGoFast]

I wish it was possible to do it with someone too. But it is very hard to find a partner in my area

Me I never looked to find a partner. My ideal circumstance would be to have a friend at the end, just to hold my hand, someone to say goodbye to, give me that ounce of courage that's lacking. Although I'm highly suicidal I don't like other people dying, it saddens me very much when I see a goodbye thread. Because of that I wouldn't want a partner.

 

[sully]

Me I never looked to find a partner. My ideal circumstance would be to have a friend at the end, just to hold my hand, someone to say goodbye to, give me that ounce of courage that's lacking. Although I'm highly suicidal I don't like other people dying, it saddens me very much when I see a goodbye thread. Because of that I wouldn't want a partner.

well you can pm me whenever you like. I´d like to have a friend at the last moment too <3

 

[IWantToGoFast]

well you can pm me whenever you like. I´d like to have a friend at the last moment too <3

I just need to figure how you pm somebody, and I shall.

 

[Dystopia]

Yeah, I've felt very similar. Suicide is a very lonely thing and it's sad there's such a stigma in society about it. Having someone to take N with me would be nice ideally but there are still so many complications and issues with the law if something were to go wrong unfortunately.

Doesnt really stop the need for some kind of comfort. I've always tended to think very hypercritically and worry about too much about the negatives even alone so a partner complicates things.

If there was some guarantee it would work without complications like one person being sick, not managing to drink it at the same time or at all it would be perfect. I bet most people would want a partner if this was the case. Realistically, suicide will never be perfect and a compromise anyway so I suppose if you can find the right person it can be worth it.

 

[angelus]

Yeah i have this problem all the time.

I read loads of threads about different methods, what different people have experienced, then I spend a shit ton of money on N.

Then, instead of taking it I sit looking at it and posting here about ooh how hard it might be, how it might taste bad, how blah blah blahty blah.

If you want to die - if your life is REALLY that bad - how the FUCK can a bit of an unpleasant taste - if that is even true - stop you from killing yourself?

Oh my life is awful, it's terrible, I can't stand being alive - but I couldn't POSSIBLY drink 200ml of a drink, and if it didn't taste like honey and nectar then OMG it's not going to happen.

But to quote the other dummy who said the same shit you're saying: "I can not possibly drink this quantity of liquid, and it tastes bad, I can't do it -then 1 minute later - I'm going to save up now and buy some more".

You said: "especially after info about how bad N tastes and all this talk about vomiting"

what INFO - YOU MEAN FACTUAL INFO, OR HEARSAY FROM YOUR FRIEND IN THE 26?

Oh my God my life is so bad - but I can't take something that might make me vomit - if I vomit - well, I'd die. Oh hang on. No if I vomit that will prevent me from dying, that's why I can't take it. Yes that's it, vomiting is too much to contend with when you're dying.

And if it tastes bad - well, good God - vomiting and it tasting bad - I'd rather keep on living in my tortuous life of pain and misery. Anything to not taste something not like ice cream and chocolate. And God the last time I vomited I died. Well, I didn't, but it sounds like a good excuse to a non suicidal peron.

Holy fuckety fuck fuck fuck, MODS can't you kick these obvious fix the 26 idiots off here? Please/

They are just trying to fill peoples heads with fear to force them to keep on suffering.

Your comment is not njce at all, since you dare to attack/harass @anaboleyn, and accuse in the same way @xLosthopex from the other thread, making intentionally missleading statements about them. The 26 has no place in this discussion.
SI is a very strong enemy to the ctb-ing will, and a lot of people are very anxious about it. They're afraid of failure and remaining incapacitated with permanent damage. They might be afraid of pain as well. And their fears are vvery legitimate. This doesn't mean they do not want it enough, or that they do not have a srong enough will to do it. They have it. But their SI is bigger.
These people are suffering. You shouldn't mock them, insult them, accuse or judge them. This is a place to freely express your feelings and emotions, to deeply open your heart and where everybody has the right to find unconditional support.
If you think you're able to drink N or SN and deal with their bitterness, drink it! If you don't have, and want it, work and get it. If you're unable to get it, think about another method suitable for you. If you want to ctb, do 't judge others, but go ahead and do what you planned.
And if you do not want to ctb, then keep quiet and be respectfull.

 

[LansJ70]

Your comment is not njce at all, since you dare to attack/harass @anaboleyn, and accuse in the same way @xLosthopex from the other thread, making intentionally missleading statements about them. The 26 has no place in this discussion.
SI is a very strong enemy to the ctb-ing will, and a lot of people are very anxious about it. They're afraid of failure and remaining incapacitated with permanent damage. They might be afraid of pain as well. And their fears are vvery legitimate. This doesn't mean they do not want it enough, or that they do not have a srong enough will to do it. They have it. But their SI is bigger.
These people are suffering. You shouldn't mock them, insult them, accuse or judge them. This is a place to freely express your feelings and emotions, to deeply open your heart and where everybody has the right to find unconditional support.
If you think you're able to drink N or SN and deal with their bitterness, drink it! If you don't have, and want it, work and get it. If you're unable to get it, think about another method suitable for you. If you want to ctb, do 't judge others, but go ahead and do what you planned.
And if you do not want to ctb, then keep quiet and be respectfull.

Your assertion about me presupposes you know everything about them, which you don't.

You know nothing about the bitterness of N, if you are so despearate to die you'll drink a bitter drink, not claim you would have died if only it had tasted like coca cola. But only diet cocke because I don't like coke. In fact cocke zero because I don't like diet coke either.

This whole site is turning into a cross between a joke and and the 26 anti suicide brigade.

In summary I don't care what you think or say because you're either an idiot or one of them.

[also love the inclusion of "attack/harass" - classy - get the victim juice in there asap]

 

[motel rooms]

In summary I don't care what you think or say because you're either an idiot or one of them.

[also love the inclusion of "attack/harass" - classy - get the victim juice in there asap]

In summary,
RIP, banned bitch!

 

[checkouttime]

In summary,
RIP, banned bitch!

I wonder if they are going to join jeremy and co at the dead kids appreciation(lets brag about it) society on twitter, most banned people end up with them nonces. who have fake profiles on here. watch out kids them people are bad for your health, there own kids taught us that.

good riddance to them sorts i say, sounds like they encouraged suicide like the anti SS social media mob do.

 

[Bullit]

all this talk about vomiting.

It IS quite a popular topic!

 

[Marktheghost]

I wish it was possible to do it with someone too. But it is very hard to find a partner in my area

Where are you? I'd be willing to consider being there with you.

 

[sully]

Where are you? I'd be willing to consider being there with you.

Europe

Your assertion about me presupposes you know everything about them, which you don't.

You know nothing about the bitterness of N, if you are so despearate to die you'll drink a bitter drink, not claim you would have died if only it had tasted like coca cola. But only diet cocke because I don't like coke. In fact cocke zero because I don't like diet coke either.

This whole site is turning into a cross between a joke and and the 26 anti suicide brigade.

In summary I don't care what you think or say because you're either an idiot or one of them.

[also love the inclusion of "attack/harass" - classy - get the victim juice in there asap]

I understand why you feel angry.. i am not afraid of the taste, i am afraid of failure. Most of us when we first heard about N thought that it's the easiest method but it turns out that there are many complications: you need two bottles instead of onewhich leads to difficulties with vomiting and there is a difference between the powder people drink at dignitas and veterinary bottles

Your comment is not njce at all, since you dare to attack/harass @anaboleyn, and accuse in the same way @xLosthopex from the other thread, making intentionally missleading statements about them. The 26 has no place in this discussion.
SI is a very strong enemy to the ctb-ing will, and a lot of people are very anxious about it. They're afraid of failure and remaining incapacitated with permanent damage. They might be afraid of pain as well. And their fears are vvery legitimate. This doesn't mean they do not want it enough, or that they do not have a srong enough will to do it. They have it. But their SI is bigger.
These people are suffering. You shouldn't mock them, insult them, accuse or judge them. This is a place to freely express your feelings and emotions, to deeply open your heart and where everybody has the right to find unconditional support.
If you think you're able to drink N or SN and deal with their bitterness, drink it! If you don't have, and want it, work and get it. If you're unable to get it, think about another method suitable for you. If you want to ctb, do 't judge others, but go ahead and do what you planned.
And if you do not want to ctb, then keep quiet and be respectfull.

Thanks for your support

 

[angelus]

Could you please stop it? You read what people tried to explain to you over and over again in the other thread, so why start the same fearmongering in this thread too? "All this talk about vomiting" isn't based on actual risks. And dozens of people explained and showed with actual facts and quotes from the PPH. But you just decide to ignore it and to continue with the fearmongering... The risk of vomiting, even if you don't take antiemetics is, as shown in medical studies, to be 2 cases in 21. The only people who contribute to "all this talk about vomiting" are people like you who blow things out of proportions.

And btw, I'm in Europe too, if you really want to do it, hit me up.

She will not hit you up. And your comment is quite aggressive too. What's wrong with you people? What's your problem if somebody else has some doubts? You don't like the topic? Move on and read something else. Who do you think you are to comment on someone else's feelings?
Secondly, if there's only 1% chance of failure, I wouldn't risk it. Personally I would consider a better and safer method, or I would combine two or more methods to be 200% sure that I will not survive and remain a vegetable for life, unable to ever try ctb again.
Again, these fears are legitimate and people have the right to express them.
Furthermore, these people are not talking crap just for the sake of talking; they're suffering. And your aggressive comments hurts them.
Stop this attitude all of you thinking the same way, and if you can't show understanding and compassion, good will and support, then keep quiet.
Otherwise you will be banned.

 

[sully]

Could you please stop it? You read what people tried to explain to you over and over again in the other thread, so why start the same fearmongering in this thread too? "All this talk about vomiting" isn't based on actual risks. And dozens of people explained and showed with actual facts and quotes from the PPH. But you just decide to ignore it and to continue with the fearmongering... The risk of vomiting, even if you don't take antiemetics is, as shown in medical studies, to be 2 cases in 21. The only people who contribute to "all this talk about vomiting" are people like you who blow things out of proportions.

And btw, I'm in Europe too, if you really want to do it, hit me up.

I explained already that my fear is not vomiting but failure because if that. I just realized that n is not that magical as its « advertized »
Well, where exactly are you?

 

[gloriatrillo]

She will not hit you up. And your comment is quite aggressive too. What's wrong with you people? What's your problem if somebody else has some doubts? You don't like the topic? Move on and read something else. Who do you think you are to comment on someone else's feelings?
Secondly, if there's only 1% chance of failure, I wouldn't risk it. Personally I would consider a better and safer method, or I would combine two or more methods to be 200% sure that I will not survive and remain a vegetable for life, unable to ever try ctb again.
Again, these fears are legitimate and people have the right to express them.
Furthermore, these people are not talking crap just for the sake of talking; they're suffering. And your aggressive comments hurts them.
Stop this attitude all of you thinking the same way, and if you can't show understanding and compassion, good will and support, then keep quiet.
Otherwise you will be banned.

N has an 10/10 efficacy rating on the PPH. If that isn't "worth the risk" for you, I think you're in the wrong place. And I'm well aware that my comment sounds aggressive, but you can't escape this BS on here, it's everywhere. It's not about people having doubts about *dying*, I'd understand that. It's that they phrase it in a way that casts doubts on the method, which is completely unwarranted and spreads misinformation.
If those people would simply say "I'm not sure if I really want to die" nobody would react aggressively. Nobody would judge it. It's normal to have doubts, it's normal to have suicidal ideation when you're depressed. It's normal that just bc you feel like you want to die, you don't actually want to die and that it's a way to cope and gain control over your life. Everybody would understand and be empathetic and show alternatives. But no, instead of simply being honest to themselves, they pull this exhausting charade and dozens of threads and posts and spread fears and misinformation and just out right lies and screw with facts.
Suffering is one thing, doing all that is quite another.

 

[angelus]

N has an 10/10 efficacy rating on the PPH. If that isn't "worth the risk" for you, I think you're in the wrong place. And I'm well aware that my comment sounds aggressive, but you can't escape this BS on here, it's everywhere. It's not about people having doubts about *dying*, I'd understand that. It's that they phrase it in a way that casts doubts on the method, which is completely unwarranted and spreads misinformation.
If those people would simply say "I'm not sure if I really want to die" nobody would react aggressively. Nobody would judge it. It's normal to have doubts, it's normal to have suicidal ideation when you're depressed. It's normal that just bc you feel like you want to die, you don't actually want to die and that it's a way to cope and gain control over your life. Everybody would understand and be empathetic and show alternatives. But no, instead of simply being honest to themselves, they pull this exhausting charade and dozens of threads and posts and spread fears and misinformation and just out right lies and screw with facts.
Suffering is one thing, doing all that is quite another.

I think you're right. But in the end "suffering" and doing "all that" are not separate, but there's a relation of cause-effect between them. They don't do all that on purpose, to annoy others.
Secondly, the threads are separate for methods, stories, venting, etc. Ana didn't post that on a methods thread, but on venting, although she was talking about a method.
Earlier you said the risk of vomiting N is 2 cases in 21. This means it's a 10% risk of vomiting it.
Now, you say N's efficacy is 10/10.
See? Didn't you post missleading, or at least confusing information? Just like you said about Ana?
And yes, I'm aware that vomiting risk and N's efficacy are different things. But if the risk of puking it is 10%, you must agree its efficacy can't be 100%, because when one throws it up, a good amount of the lethal dose is gone and it' not absorbed anymore into the body. That increases the risk of failure.
I'm not in the wrong place if I question the efficacy of a method. I'm nere to learn about methods, to compare studies, evidence, testimonies, opinions.... and to make my own conclusion in taking my own decision, my own choice. The studies and the evidence are very good and elaborate, yet tey're not infallible. PPH documented legal cases like those of Exit international and Dignitas, where the N is different from the veterinary liquid. So the symptoms, side effects and risks are different.
SS is designed for the suffering people. It is the LAST place one can come to before dying.
I know one cannot escape BS here because it's everywhere.But everyone here SHOULD escape BS especially here, because thjs is the last place, the safe heaven where the most desperate peop,e come to.
This isn't meant to be a place just for informal discussions.
This is not a science only website. Those discussions don't spread fears and misinformation, but they spread opinions, personal thoughts, doubts, anxieties, and they are begging for acceptance, support, understanding, comfort, encouragement, kindness, etc.
SS is magnificent and wonderful only because it is so, so unique and different from any other places like social media.
SS must remain unique and different, and free of all the bullshit present in all the other places.
The real suicidal people in here, who truly want to ctb, who truly seek moral support, or who are desperate to find any support here, don't have the time and attention to observe critical things like you pointed out, they don't feel interested or affected in any way by other people's comments, and they don't feel a need to comment on such things, like how SS threads should be or not to be.
The real people in need here never say the kind of stuff you said.

 

[gloriatrillo]

Earlier you said the risk of vomiting N is 2 cases in 21. This means it's a 10% risk of vomiting it.
Now, you say N's efficacy is 10/10.
See? Didn't you post missleading, or at least confusing information? Just like you said about Ana?
And yes, I'm aware that vomiting risk and N's efficacy are different things. But if the risk of puking it is 10%, you must agree its efficacy can't be 100%, because when one throws it up, a good amount of the lethal dose is gone and it' not absorbed anymore into the body. That increases the risk of failure.

This isn't misleading information bc the 2 people of the 21 who vomitied died right after. And that's why use 2x the lethal amount of N, so that there's more than enough N in your system to do the job, even after you vomited. I read a case report about a guy who took N, was found and taken to the hospital where they pumped his stomach and he died.
The PPH writer's have observed way more cases than the 21/2-study that is examplified. Those people risk their medical license, their job, their livelihood to provide useful information and help for suicide, they've seen thousands of people successfully and peacefully cbt. Why wouldn't you trust their assessment? What do they gain by presenting methods as 10/10 and 10/10 peaceful and efficient if they aren't? You think theres a N-industrial complex and D shares his profit with the PPH writers? This is ridiculous. The PPH describes many methods as unreliable and has no qualms in pointing out their potential risks, why would they keep quiet about it or distort the facts if this were the case for N too?

The real suicidal people in here, who truly want to ctb, who truly seek moral support, or who are desperate to find any support here, don't have the time and attention to observe critical things like you pointed out, they don't feel interested or affected in any way by other people's comments, and they don't feel a need to comment on such things, like how SS threads should be or not to be.
The real people in need here never say the kind of stuff you said.

And what kind of logic is that? Seriously. You think I'm not actively suicidal and willing to cbt and going to bc I get annoyed when people spread misinformation and repeat it endlessly? It's the opposite: because I am suicidal with complete trust in N, it pains me that people who feel the same are potentially thrown off from a completely safe and reliable method, just bc of this BS going on here.

 

[Marktheghost]

Europe

What country?
I'm in Scotland.

 

[sully]

N has an 10/10 efficacy rating on the PPH. If that isn't "worth the risk" for you, I think you're in the wrong place. And I'm well aware that my comment sounds aggressive, but you can't escape this BS on here, it's everywhere. It's not about people having doubts about *dying*, I'd understand that. It's that they phrase it in a way that casts doubts on the method, which is completely unwarranted and spreads misinformation.
If those people would simply say "I'm not sure if I really want to die" nobody would react aggressively. Nobody would judge it. It's normal to have doubts, it's normal to have suicidal ideation when you're depressed. It's normal that just bc you feel like you want to die, you don't actually want to die and that it's a way to cope and gain control over your life. Everybody would understand and be empathetic and show alternatives. But no, instead of simply being honest to themselves, they pull this exhausting charade and dozens of threads and posts and spread fears and misinformation and just out right li

What country?
I'm in Scotland.

Im in spain

 

[insanedoomer]

i can do it with you , pm me .

 

[sully]

i can do it with you , pm me .

Where are you

 

[insanedoomer]

Where are you

morocco .