wildflowers1996
Mage
- Oct 14, 2023
- 539
I absolutely know (if I can ever get past my fear of hell) that I do not want to live. I want to end my life.
But I just can't get past the guilt of hurting my parents.
I am 27 years old. My mum is 72 and my Dad 70 (they had me late in life).
I am wondering if I have the strength to wait to ctb until they pass on naturally. But that could be ages and ages away. My grandparents apart from one lived to their 90s. I don't think I can take another 20 years.
My problem is I also have a brother, who is 31.
And I desperately don't want to hurt him. I don't see him much any more, but we used to be close.
I feel like it would be very hard for him to take - losing both parents, and then me too.
He is married, so he wouldn't be completely alone. He seems to be happily married too. By then, he might even have children, so a family of his own.
That's what I'm hoping. Even though I don't really think people should have children, maybe he'll be lucky and have happy children.
And then maybe if I die he won't be too badly affected? But I don't know. How could I minimise the pain for him?
But I just can't get past the guilt of hurting my parents.
I am 27 years old. My mum is 72 and my Dad 70 (they had me late in life).
I am wondering if I have the strength to wait to ctb until they pass on naturally. But that could be ages and ages away. My grandparents apart from one lived to their 90s. I don't think I can take another 20 years.
My problem is I also have a brother, who is 31.
And I desperately don't want to hurt him. I don't see him much any more, but we used to be close.
I feel like it would be very hard for him to take - losing both parents, and then me too.
He is married, so he wouldn't be completely alone. He seems to be happily married too. By then, he might even have children, so a family of his own.
That's what I'm hoping. Even though I don't really think people should have children, maybe he'll be lucky and have happy children.
And then maybe if I die he won't be too badly affected? But I don't know. How could I minimise the pain for him?