Discussion Advice to decide

[Watcher]

Do you think i have enough reasons to end with all?

The last year was the worst year I've been trough, I'm not completely shure if I'm a borderline. A few things happened me...

1. I was depressed before I got a job, at the job I received the worst treatment because i didn't wanted to get mess with no one, but they started to press me because i don't talk to much (I was trying to hide anxiety, and the social anxiety too, which i was able to manage). But they pushed me to the limit. So i decided to leave the job.

2. After that, I started to get more depressed, and some people from my university already knew that i was suffering anxiety and depression, but no one cared, i tried to keep going to classes, but i couldn't continue. I started to feel like i was two persons, because i was trying to hide the symptoms from my neighborhood friends, and at the same time, i was trying to do the same thing at the university, and with other people... Finally i leave the university too.

3. With some money i saved, i started to hang out with some friends, but i was getting worst every time, until one day, i was drunk, and I had a car accident, i fell asleep while i was driving, before that, i already had suicidal thoughts... Obviously i was taken to the police station, fortunately, they let me go next day morning. But i lost somethings, after i crashed, some people were pretending to help, but they stole my books and some lab instruments. I lost all my money paying for a tow truck, and other things...

4. I stayed at home whole Christmas season (because here where I live, nov, dec and January, are the months in wich we rest or use as vacation) just some a few friends called, but i didn't get more than that.

5. On January i started a free course (some kind of scholarship) i obtained. I was supposed to get a job after finishing it, but i couldn't make it, when i was receiving classes, i wasn't able to pay attention, my mind was still focused on the accident, at the same time i was thinking about for how long i have been depressed. So, i leave the course too.

Since the accident day, i have been thinking about how to commit suicide... Before everything that happened me last year, i was already suffering anxiety and depression for three years.
Maybe more, since i was child, i remember that i was a shy child and when i was just 4 years old, a doctor made me a wrong diagnostic, so, i was subjected to 4 surgeries, and the recovery was hard, I had no childhood because of that ... it took me two to three years to recover...

So now, i already have 2 weeks since i left the course, and everything is ready to finally stop me from get in troubles... I can't overcome depression, and i still feel social anxiety, i don't want to worry my parents anymore.

I'm sorry for my English, i still have a lot to improve.

So, what do you think, I do it or I do not do it?

 

[Redt2go]

I think if you can't decide the answer is no... Are you being treated for depression?

 

[Johnnythefox]

Tl;dr Only you can decide what is best for you.

 

[Letmego. Please]

If you have to ask then maybe now is not the right time, give yourself a chance to recover from the last year & see where you are at then.

 

[Volomori83]

Hi, I'm sorry I can't offer you a definitive answer to your question because, at the end of the day, only you can decide if there is something, for you, worth living for. It's a deeply personal question, the most personal in fact, so you have to decide. Just remember there are no take-backs after suicide, so make sure you've thought it through completely.

For me, my decision to commit suicide doesn't stem from having a had a bad life so far, far from it, ups and downs like most anyone's life. I have family that love me, and me them. I have friends I care deeply for. I have a good job. Life simply holds no interest for me. I had to decide whether I want to continue for potentially another 3 or 4 decades with this ever engulfing hollow feeling inside me. I decided no, but that was my choice. I have decided that I want to commit suicide.

That doesn't have to be your decision. I don't know whether your life will improve, anymore than you do. You have to decide whether or not you want to strive for a better life, like all of us on here.

I will say that this is a great community on here and it will always be here as a sounding board for your worries, there will always be friendly people to lend a shoulder to cry on when needed. You'll find plenty of resources on here to help you look at both sides of the coin to help you develop a better understanding of what would be involved in either eventuality; to die or to live. And ultimately should you choose that death is the best option for you, then there are plenty of resources and threads to educate you on methods which would, hopefully, ensure your end is as trauma-free as you can make it.

I don't know if this helps you but I hope at least you think everything through and not make a decision out of simply fear of the unknown, either decision comes with their own set of unknowns.

I do hope you eventually find what you're looking for.

 

[TAW122]

Like others have said here, I think it is ultimately up for you to decide if your reasons are enough to die for. Each individual's situation is different and everyone has different levels of tolerance. Some people can tolerate a lot, but for others, some things may be too much and your suffering is valid as well as your reasons, even if society or others don't agree with your reasoning. It is a really personal decision that only you can make and decide how much to take and when to quit life.

 

[odette]

Well, if you're asking for advice and opinions, then I will give you mine.

I think you are experiencing so much pain, depression ,anxiety and loneliness, that it makes perfect sense that you are considering suicide. However, I think your problems are solvable, so you have better options than suicide.

The things you need to do to solve your problems are hard and scary and I definitely see why you would want to avoid doing them. But it is worth fighting to do them.

• Get therapy and get a diagnosis. Borderline is treatable. Treatment is hard, scary work, but it can be done. There are also workbooks you can get on Borderline.
• Reach out to friends and family. Open up to them about what a hard time you are having instead of pretending to be happy. If you don't get the support you need, that will be very painful and you will feel like giving up. Keep trying anyway, try to make new friends. In the meantime, you can get support and compassion in this forum.
• Talk to the university or whoever is in charge of the course. Tell them that you have had health problems. If you aren't comfortable telling them everything, you can just say that you had a car accident and it has given you trauma that made you unable to concentrate on schoolwork. Emphasize that you are getting help with it and would like to return when you are healthier.

Since those are hard, scary things to do, you can talk to us about how it's going with doing them. You will get support here.

Your English is excellent, by the way.

 

[anxietywhisper]

I agree - only you can decide what you do, and if you can't decide then you're not ready to make that permanent choice.
@odette has given some great advice :)

 

[Donewith_]

i'm sorry you have gone through all this and you are in this place..
sorry to hear about your accident, i hope you have recovered from it completely.
you've mentioned you are feeling dissociated from yourself.. which i too have felt, i have been living with it since my childhood.. I knew something is wrong with me,.. but not exactly whats wrong with me.. since i was not allowed to express myself , i started repressing myself, i would think a hundred times before talking.. i sure agree it is hell.
you have told that you feel different after your accident because your some of your friends deceived you in some ways..which was not your fault
i'm sorry about some people not treating you properly.. some people just have no idea how to treat people without making them feel bad..
I assume you are feeling bad due to them treating you bad.. therapy works for some people .. hope you give it a try.
if life gets shitty, when we feel better when we are unconscious more than when we are feeling the things around, thats when some people consider to leave from here.. since that would be the same thing as being unconscious(except its permanent).

 

[21Neberg]

Like others have said here, I think it is ultimately up for you to decide if your reasons are enough to die for. Each individual's situation is different and everyone has different levels of tolerance. Some people can tolerate a lot, but for others, some things may be too much and your suffering is valid as well as your reasons, even if society or others don't agree with your reasoning. It is a really personal decision that only you can make and decide how much to take and when to quit life.

Very well said. I'd just like to thank you for your contributions to this forum, you're a very thoughtful person:

 

[Cookiedough8956]

There's no way of us deciding for you if its the right time. This is 100% on you, sorry.

But to give you a hint, you'd you have a pretty good idea when you feel its ur time to go. You wouldn't even ask.