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rudebeat

rudebeat

Member
Dec 18, 2021
61
So as you might've seen, I've mentioned on several threads that I've got a doctor's appointment coming up on the 21st that I've said would determine whether I decide to ctb that day or not. You might've already seen me post about why I'd do this so if you have you can skip this paragraph. I would ctb if I can't get a medication or something else to help me with a problem I'm having In the past few weeks I've picked up something that appears to others like a nervous tick, except I never really feel stressed when it happens. Regardless this tick only happens when I think about it, and when I was at school I kept on getting looks from people, hearing people calling me a freak, weird, etc, and it got so bad I withdrew from my university. I've read about a couple things online that could help get rid of this issue for me, so I could start functioning and be around people in public again.

However, I seriously doubt the doctor I'm going to will give me either of the treatments I've seen because he'll say it's just a mental thing. I'm probably just going to get referred to a psychiatrist/therapist for anxiety, which I already had been, I'm already on medication for it, so in this case I was planning to commit suicide. I've changed my mind a bit and I've decided I'm going to tell the doctor at some point if he's not willing to give me any treatment that I was planning on suicide if I couldn't get treatment for this condition. I'm sure at that point I'd just get hospitalized, so I'd just go there, go through the motions as normal to get out in a week, and then this is the part that I was much less certain about, from the title of the thread. I don't know how I'd fake a suicide attempt, not without taking any risk of permanently damaging my body.

Edit: The thread posted itself before I finished writing so I'll continue writing below the edit.

It's a last ditch effort to get treatment for this issue I'm having. I'm sure I'd get hospitalized again, and I'd tell them I did it because I can't function with this "nervous tick issue." I don't even know how the doctor who would actually treat my issue would be made aware of this, I'm just hoping somehow the hospital would contact them. I'm sure this second hospital stay would be much longer than a week and I'd accept that if it means surviving. I know it's really got not much of a chance to working but I'd rather not kill myself while still having options to survive that I ignored.
 
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porhtna

porhtna

bad rng.
Dec 1, 2021
43
That's rough, sorry for your situation *pats*. Hope you don't mind me asking, but are you sure you would be able to get out in a week if everything goes to plan and you get hospitalized for a suicide attempt? And is the treatment you need to be guaranteed in this situation? Of course I don't know the details, but I wouldn't risk getting hospitalized if the results aren't certain enough, as it could be hard to convince them to discharge you & the record has the potential to cause problems in the future... Maybe you could try a different doctor/hospital, especially those known to give treatments for your condition?
 
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rudebeat

rudebeat

Member
Dec 18, 2021
61
I only thought I'd be able to get out in a week for the first hospitalization where I admit to the doctor this issue has made me suicidal. I feel mostly confident in that because I've had times where I've actually almost committed suicide and gotten out in around 10 days. Treatment isn't at all guaranteed though even if I get hospitalized twice as planned. I am worried about my record, it's already pretty bad as far as gaps on my resume go. I don't think it already being bad justifies not caring about it getting worse. It's just that I think the health issue will cause me more of an issue in the long run because I just can't function around other people for the most part now.
I could try other doctors but I haven't been to the first one yet and if the first one refuses treating me I think all the others will. The thing is I don't actually have the illnesses that they typically treat, I just get one of the same symptoms, maybe due to stress. I don't think I'm going to be treated if the cause is stress and not an illness. I think I'm at least going to try telling the doctor that I was planning to commit suicide if I can't get treatment for the issue, I don't know about faking an attempt.
 
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porhtna

porhtna

bad rng.
Dec 1, 2021
43
Yeah it's definitely the right thing to prioritize tackling the problem If it's negatively affecting the life you want. I suggest talking to the doctor and try to get the treatment first? It might help by asking them directly about the conditions you're suspecting, telling them therapy for anxiety didn't work, and that you REALLY need to solve your problem, cuz doctors sometimes don't bother to thoroughly diagnose their patients lol. Or maybe it's something else other than stress or the illnesses you are suspecting and you can get treatment for that.
Anyways I suggest saving the attempt as a last resort? As it is high risk and can become messy & unproductive.
Wish things go well for you!!!
 
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rudebeat

rudebeat

Member
Dec 18, 2021
61
Yeah I didn't explain myself well I was planning on doing everything you said, my bad.
 
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lyles

lyles

Student
Oct 13, 2021
142
You could try harmless things, like taking some melatonin, and say you tried to overdose using that. It wouldn't put you at risk but maybe hit home to someone that you need help? Even if they just think you are incompetent at choosing medications for it or something, for lack of better terminology. I think this should be an absolutely last resort issue, too many risks and too messy of a situation. Do what you can to advocate for yourself to your doctor and get the medication and help you need! I am wishing you well!
 
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ultrafuntimes

ultrafuntimes

it's funny...
Jan 16, 2022
62
I'm going to tell the doctor at some point if he's not willing to give me any treatment that I was planning on suicide if I couldn't get treatment for this condition. I'm sure at that point I'd just get hospitalized, so I'd just go there, go through the motions as normal to get out in a week, and then this is the part that I was much less certain about, from the title of the thread. I don't know how I'd fake a suicide attempt, not without taking any risk of permanently damaging my body.
Do you have to actually fake a suicide attempt? If you tell them you are planning on killing yourself they will hospitalize you regardless, right? Sorry if I'm misunderstanding.
 
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rudebeat

rudebeat

Member
Dec 18, 2021
61
Do you have to actually fake a suicide attempt? If you tell them you are planning on killing yourself they will hospitalize you regardless, right? Sorry if I'm misunderstanding.
Yeah I'd think they'd hospitalize me, I just think they might still refuse to give treatment so the fake attempt was a back up to try to get treatment one more time before I actually ctb.
Do you have to actually fake a suicide attempt? If you tell them you are planning on killing yourself they will hospitalize you regardless, right? Sorry if I'm misunderstanding.
I think I get where some of the confusion is coming from. The treatment I needed was from a doctor for a physical issue, it has nothing to do with the place where I'll be hospitalized. Or maybe you understood that part, I tried my best.
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
In my experience and having come across countless experiences of others, hospitalizations and suicide attempts do not upend the dismissive nature of many doctors or those in the psych and/or medical field, if anything it may make your situation worse and only give them more fuel to turn you away without the type of treatments you're hoping for.

I'm not saying it couldn't spring someone into action on the rare occasion, but it's more likely to just give you more hell to pay, and you'll be stuck with even more records that back up the claim that it's strictly "mental" and therefore "not their problem".

I don't think the issue here is that they do or don't believe you are suicidal regarding this problem, I think the issue is that nothing you do will get their heads out of their asses, even your death will not accomplish that-sadly, unless you manage to experience some dumb luck along the way.
 
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rudebeat

rudebeat

Member
Dec 18, 2021
61
In my experience and having come across countless experiences of others, hospitalizations and suicide attempts do not upend the dismissive nature of many doctors or those in the psych and/or medical field, if anything it may make your situation worse and only give them more fuel to turn you away without the type of treatments you're hoping for.

I'm not saying it couldn't spring someone into action on the rare occasion, but it's more likely to just give you more hell to pay, and you'll be stuck with even more records that back up the claim that it's strictly "mental" and therefore "not their problem".

I don't think the issue here is that they do or don't believe you are suicidal regarding this problem, I think the issue is that nothing you do will get their heads out of their asses, even your death will not accomplish that-sadly, unless you manage to experience some dumb luck along the way.
Yeah I think this is enough to convince me to not tell the doctor I'm suicidal or fake an attempt. Thanks for posting this. I'm not terribly upset about the thought of dying soon but it feels incredibly stupid when I know there are things that could be done that would probably let me continue living. It's a bitter feeling that I'll die with, if I actually get myself to do it.
 
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N

not_close

Member
Sep 7, 2020
11
So as you might've seen, I've mentioned on several threads that I've got a doctor's appointment coming up on the 21st that I've said would determine whether I decide to ctb that day or not. You might've already seen me post about why I'd do this so if you have you can skip this paragraph. I would ctb if I can't get a medication or something else to help me with a problem I'm having In the past few weeks I've picked up something that appears to others like a nervous tick, except I never really feel stressed when it happens. Regardless this tick only happens when I think about it, and when I was at school I kept on getting looks from people, hearing people calling me a freak, weird, etc, and it got so bad I withdrew from my university. I've read about a couple things online that could help get rid of this issue for me, so I could start functioning and be around people in public again.

However, I seriously doubt the doctor I'm going to will give me either of the treatments I've seen because he'll say it's just a mental thing. I'm probably just going to get referred to a psychiatrist/therapist for anxiety, which I already had been, I'm already on medication for it, so in this case I was planning to commit suicide. I've changed my mind a bit and I've decided I'm going to tell the doctor at some point if he's not willing to give me any treatment that I was planning on suicide if I couldn't get treatment for this condition. I'm sure at that point I'd just get hospitalized, so I'd just go there, go through the motions as normal to get out in a week, and then this is the part that I was much less certain about, from the title of the thread. I don't know how I'd fake a suicide attempt, not without taking any risk of permanently damaging my body.

Edit: The thread posted itself before I finished writing so I'll continue writing below the edit.

It's a last ditch effort to get treatment for this issue I'm having. I'm sure I'd get hospitalized again, and I'd tell them I did it because I can't function with this "nervous tick issue." I don't even know how the doctor who would actually treat my issue would be made aware of this, I'm just hoping somehow the hospital would contact them. I'm sure this second hospital stay would be much longer than a week and I'd accept that if it means surviving. I know it's really got not much of a chance to working but I'd rather not kill myself while still having options to survive that I ignored.
As sucky as it sounds if the place you go for suicide recovery and your regular medication is different I doubt your doctor would care enough to do much more than say "this person needs treatment for suicidal thoughts" and even if the the doctor is at the same hospital that you get suicide recovery treatment at they may just report you and then try to disassociate from the incident, a person may even avoid information about it to avoid feeling guilty, or the doctor may just not care and people may not talk about you because you're just another patient to them
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
Yeah I think this is enough to convince me to not tell the doctor I'm suicidal or fake an attempt. Thanks for posting this. I'm not terribly upset about the thought of dying soon but it feels incredibly stupid when I know there are things that could be done that would probably let me continue living. It's a bitter feeling that I'll die with, if I actually get myself to do it.
You're desperate and that's completely understandable, I've done some pretty wild, insane, and/or ill-thought out things due to my own suffering and desperation, so don't worry about it, I only wish there was another way to get them to listen and at least TRY the other options.
Is there anyone you can bring with you to advocate for you?
Doctors seem to pay attention a lot more when there's someone else in the patient's corner, someone who won't take any shit and is well enough to withstand any bs and steamrolling from the doc.
 
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rudebeat

rudebeat

Member
Dec 18, 2021
61
The closest person to that I could bring is one of my parents. Unfortunately I don't think they'd be able to explain how serious the situation is. Because I've already explained to them that I have the this nervous tick (I don't know what's really causing it so I'll just say that), but since they already know about it I don't really do it around them because I know they understand it, so I don't do it as much (I tend to do it the more I think about it). Whenever I keep on bringing up the fact that I've been avoiding other people because of this issue they always ask me why, because they think I've completely moved on from the issue. I also know there's very little chance this issue is being caused by stress because I have a condition called hyperacusis where if I ever have the slightest amount of stress I get pain in my ears.
I could ask them to support me with the doctor but if push comes to shove I think they'll just accept being referred to a therapist. Even when I tell them how bad my situation is they keep doubting me, and they keep asking me if I'm sure if I'm not imagining things when I say I hear people calling me a freak, or weird, even though I literally see people give me looks when I keep doing this tick, and I've seen my parents do it to. They probably think therapy is a reasonable option to get rid of this issue. I don't think my odds are good.
...
I'm sorry would you not mind if you got called weird and a freak in every class you went to? Would you not mind knowing that from that point on you'd have lost your entire social life? I guess I'm the prick though, even though I specifically worded my language so as to not blame the doctor for when I explain my fake suicide attempt. But I guess telling a doctor that you're suicidal is enough to make me an asshole just on that alone.
Also, regardless of whether I went through any of my plans or not, the doctor would never need to feel much guilt because he'd never know if I actually ctb'd.
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
The closest person to that I could bring is one of my parents. Unfortunately I don't think they'd be able to explain how serious the situation is. Because I've already explained to them that I have the this nervous tick (I don't know what's really causing it so I'll just say that), but since they already know about it I don't really do it around them because I know they understand it, so I don't do it as much (I tend to do it the more I think about it). Whenever I keep on bringing up the fact that I've been avoiding other people because of this issue they always ask me why, because they think I've completely moved on from the issue. I also know there's very little chance this issue is being caused by stress because I have a condition called hyperacusis where if I ever have the slightest amount of stress I get pain in my ears.
I could ask them to support me with the doctor but if push comes to shove I think they'll just accept being referred to a therapist. Even when I tell them how bad my situation is they keep doubting me, and they keep asking me if I'm sure if I'm not imagining things when I say I hear people calling me a freak, or weird, even though I literally see people give me looks when I keep doing this tick, and I've seen my parents do it to. They probably think therapy is a reasonable option to get rid of this issue. I don't think my odds are good.
I'm very sorry to hear that, sometimes even those closest to us are no less dismissive or helpful than the doctors who have possible solutions at the tips of their fingers.

Your parent's reaction to your situation is something I commonly see occur in a wide variety of scenarios, the authority given to mental health professionals (along with the newfound public perception of them as some sort of panacea) and the looming ego of medical professionals quick to dismiss any issue that doesn't have an easy solution -is a match made in hell for any patient or person who has to seek out help among these avenues.
 
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