Haruka
the most beautiful angel
- Mar 24, 2023
- 168
Hi everybody,
I haven't been active in the forum as of late, but recently my depression and suicidal thoughts have been eating me up again and I am struggling. I turned 20 last month and I moved back home from university - I spent my first year living away but now I am back permanently at home for two years. I only moved back on the weekend and many fights have pursued, words have been said and it hasn't been great overall.
I'm currently unemployed (trust me, I've been looking for a job for ages and handed my resemé out everywhere but nowhere seems to want to hire me) so I'm stuck in this house. My sisters don't want me around - I share a bedroom with one of my sisters and she always blasts her music and videos she watches and my other sisters keep telling me to move out again, that I don't belong here. I have always been our father's least favourite so he always takes their side, and because I'm the oldest I end up looking stupid when I try to defend myself because they're 'just kids'.
Last night my sisters and I ended up having a huge fight about weight and they said that my anorexia was 'fake' and I 'never really had anorexia', which is an extremely sensitive topic to me and they know how hard it is for me. I am the thinnest in my family but they proceeded to call me overweight and fat, and when I tried to defend myself back, our father yelled at me and I was blamed again. I am sick of this, I cannot live like this.
Unfortunately I don't have any other family to go to about this, I tried talking to another family member about staying at their house sometimes but they turned it down so I don't really have anywhere to go. However, I do have a savings account that has money saved from previous jobs I've worked, as well as money that my Mum (the only one who wanted me) left for me, so if I was ever desperate, I do have options - but the savings account is under my father's control still, so I'd need to ask him to give it to me.
Basically, I am wondering if there is a way that things could possibly get better, or would it just be best if I move out? My family have always been like this and they will never change (I've always been the least favourite), and when I move out I am planning on cutting them all off anyway.
Any advice is appreciated, thank you very much for reading
TLDR; My toxic family are pushing me to the edge and I need advice on moving out or biting the bullet and staying at home. I have money, but it isn't under my control and I would rather not go straight away because I want to keep saving my money.
I haven't been active in the forum as of late, but recently my depression and suicidal thoughts have been eating me up again and I am struggling. I turned 20 last month and I moved back home from university - I spent my first year living away but now I am back permanently at home for two years. I only moved back on the weekend and many fights have pursued, words have been said and it hasn't been great overall.
I'm currently unemployed (trust me, I've been looking for a job for ages and handed my resemé out everywhere but nowhere seems to want to hire me) so I'm stuck in this house. My sisters don't want me around - I share a bedroom with one of my sisters and she always blasts her music and videos she watches and my other sisters keep telling me to move out again, that I don't belong here. I have always been our father's least favourite so he always takes their side, and because I'm the oldest I end up looking stupid when I try to defend myself because they're 'just kids'.
Last night my sisters and I ended up having a huge fight about weight and they said that my anorexia was 'fake' and I 'never really had anorexia', which is an extremely sensitive topic to me and they know how hard it is for me. I am the thinnest in my family but they proceeded to call me overweight and fat, and when I tried to defend myself back, our father yelled at me and I was blamed again. I am sick of this, I cannot live like this.
Unfortunately I don't have any other family to go to about this, I tried talking to another family member about staying at their house sometimes but they turned it down so I don't really have anywhere to go. However, I do have a savings account that has money saved from previous jobs I've worked, as well as money that my Mum (the only one who wanted me) left for me, so if I was ever desperate, I do have options - but the savings account is under my father's control still, so I'd need to ask him to give it to me.
Basically, I am wondering if there is a way that things could possibly get better, or would it just be best if I move out? My family have always been like this and they will never change (I've always been the least favourite), and when I move out I am planning on cutting them all off anyway.
Any advice is appreciated, thank you very much for reading
TLDR; My toxic family are pushing me to the edge and I need advice on moving out or biting the bullet and staying at home. I have money, but it isn't under my control and I would rather not go straight away because I want to keep saving my money.
